If you were once beautiful and have lost your looks, how do you feel about it?

[FouroutofFivee]

I suspect I am unreasonable for feeling this way, but I can’t help it. I have felt awful about myself for some time now.
I wouldn’t go as far to say I’ve ever been beautiful or stunning, but I thought I was attractive enough and could scrub up well. Always got attention when out and asked for my number etc and never had any trouble finding boyfriends or dates.

Now, I hardly recognise myself. I hoped I would age like my mother, who is still stunning and gets lots of attention. But I have aged terribly. I know this sounds shallow and vain but when I look in the mirror I just feel so sad. No matter what I do, I don’t look nice. I keep trying to accept that this is my face and it’s tough and there’s more important things in life. But it does hurt comparing myself to how I used to look. I try to keep other things nice like my hair and clothes etc but it doesn’t matter what I do, because my face is still ugly.

Im assuming I’ll be told to get over myself, and get a grip which is fine. But to anyone who used to be attractive and receive a lot of attention and now has lost that, how do you feel and how have you made peace with it?

If you were only getting attention during the ages of 17-25. Then it’s not about being attractive. It’s about being young.

Youthfulness is attractive in of itself even if you are not especially beautiful.

People who are good looking remain good looking after the dew of youth has long gone.

Sorry but maybe you were getting attention due to your age.

I'm in my 50s and haven't been sexually harassed or cat-called for about four years. It's great!

I can relate, OP. I was never that nice looking, but I was happy enough with how I looked when I was younger, and the point is that it was my face. I knew what makeup to use, how to enhance my better features, etc.

Then, my face got old. I looked awful with eyelids that drooped so much that I didn't have eyelids any more. I got deep shadows under my eyes.

I had a facelift. It was wonderful afterwards! I got the old me back! Everyone at work kept saying how well I looked, unprompted . I felt like I looked like I used to look, again. It was odd, 'meeting' the me I used to know, and had forgotten.

I don't know if you're in the position to have some cosmetic surgery or not, but I can recommend it.

It’s also about star power/X factor/charisma..

Think Jo Lumley etc.

That & bone structure.

I was at my absolute best in my 30s, I think it's very young to be worrying about losing your looks. I'm 56 now and beginning to notice signs of aging, fine lines and a bit of jowly horror.
Do you have a healthy diet and a good skin care routine?

From the ages of 17-25 I got so much attention

Tbf that is the age range where everyone primarily wants to hump each other. Then people start getting busy with adult life.

I try not to worry about it but I just feel irrelevant and meaningless after having such validation for years

That was your drug - time to break this addiction now. 99% of the population never get such validation anyway and hopefully they are still happy and useful citizens.

I think I was really beautiful when younger. I didn't fully realise at the time, tbh. I thought I was a bit nicer looking than average, but I look at old photos and I must have been blind.

I think I'm a fairly attractive fifty-something now and I am in decent shape for my age. But I am no longer head-turningly beautiful and honestly I'm OK with it. Firstly because I didn't fully realise at the time anyway, so didn't really feel especially beautiful. And secondly because my life is a lot better without the unwanted attention.

Not quite the same but I used to be size 10 and am now size 14-16
I don't really mind within my own friends and family and people who see me all the time, and don't feel unattractive, but I get worried about photos on social media and bumping into old friends (or certain men from my past...) in case they think "blimey she's put on weight." It's not a nice thought.

I can't really offer advice other than for me it's really unhelpful to compare against a former self.

What’s the actual problem? Wrinkles? Jowls? Weight gain? What do you think is making you look less attractive?

Do you smoke? Drink alcohol? Sunbathe? These will all negatively impact your appearance.

I think we all get less attention as we get older. When you’re young you are in the prime of life. You look great, and life hasn’t kicked you around. Young women always get attention.

As we get older I suppose we do become “invisible”, and But OP you seem like your confidence is really low and that’s sad. Are there any aspects of your life that are troubling you?

I think there may be a reduction in compliments from random strangers generally in society. When I was young it was common for builders to wolf whistle or comment at any female that walked past, but that isn't really acceptable anymore (thankfully! I prefer to walk down the road and not feel obliged to smile politely or be faced with the "cheer up love" follow up)... so part of what you're experiencing may be that.

Are you in a relationship? If so, what does your partner think? Or your best friend?

I don’t really mind my face even though I’m definitely aging (46). In fact I like my laughter lines!! What I’m sad about is my hair- I always thought people cut their hair just because it was the done thing, not because it thins out! I used to have thick healthy hair, it’s really bitty looking now

Time to start being your own validation OP. You could always have surgery or injections to look younger, but the external attention could still elude you and it sounds like that's what you really miss? If you were still getting hit on all the time, would you have noticed your changing face? And yes 35 is very young to worry about ageing, do what makes you happy and makes you feel your best.

I don't agree with this and I don't think it's particularly kind to try to convince the OP she was never actually attractive.
You can definitely be beautiful as a youth and age badly, it happens to loads of people.

I was a gorgeous teenager and 20-something, then hit 30 and rapidly developed a pudding face, surprise bristles and thinning hair. I sometimes feel sad about it but it's not something that bothers me day to day. I'm a much more interesting, self-confident person now than I was when I was beautiful and that more than makes up the difference in how I feel about myself. I do take tweezers and a home IPL to the stealth attack bristles though!

I've always been extremely plain and I'm still gutted by what ageing is doing to my appearance! I don't think it's a given that beautiful people care more?

Money makes a huge difference. Look at the Spice Girls - some look better now than did in prime.

It seems to be a truth universally accepted by the kind of person who posts this sort of thing that us plain women are delighted when the formerly beautiful start losing their looks, so we're all levelled out into hagdom after a certain age.

Some of them even seem to suggest that those of us who were never good-looking are in a better position because we're used to being invisible or actively derided for our lack of outward appeal. Whereas they are like Derby-winning thoroughbred racehorses forced to pull a coal-cart.

Maybe we should give lessons to the sad former beauties mourning their lost looks. Lesson #1: How To Cope When the Wolf-Whistling Stops. Lesson#2: The First Night Out When No Man Hits On You. Lesson #3: When the Cashier Hits the 'Visibly Over 25' Button.

I'm 46. I look better than ever 🔥

I was lovely looking in my 20s but insecure, lacking in confidence and had no ability to protect myself/have boundaries/was a people pleaser.

My 30s were spent having babies.

Now, I've lost weight, found my style, got highlights, had botox, invested in good makeup. I am also assertive, outspoken, bold and fun.

No one can actually believe the difference 😆

Are you looking at old photos of yourself a lot? From now (33) compared to 3-4 years ago I’ve lost all the puppy fat from my face. It was round and now it is not. It made me look so young and fresh faced. I don’t think I look awful now but it is quite a stark change that definitely happened at a late 20s sort of age.

Tou have to just acxept the wrinkles and inevitable sagging.
I notjced that once I hit about 35 then older men who would previously have acted protected or fatherly towards me started to eye me as fair game.
I am now 40s and quite honestly I absolutely love not being hit on by young idiots. I relish the dignity that age has given me.
I was always being smoozed by absolute dick heads who just wanted sex and now they seem to have gone away or are too afraid to approach, which is the best blessing age has given me.
Although a teenager on an electric scooter did ride past me the other day and shout 'MILF' which I took as sarcasm as I actually looked like shit 😂

I can see now many years later that I was quite beautiful in my teens and early 20s. I had very poor self esteem and mental health, so I think being both physically attractive and vulnerable made me a bit of a target.

When I was older I gained a lot of weight and no longer looked conventionally attractive for a few reasons. I noticed how many "friends" lost interest in me once I no longer fit a certain image.

That was a hard lesson. But I do now see the advance in my average looks - at least I can see that anyone who wants to hang around with me isn't hanging around with me for shallow reasons.

At 47, I am perimenopausal & very overweight...I wouldn't say ugly but I have never felt so invisible in my whole life. In my late teens/early 20's, I was slim (although, foolishly thought I was fat) and although no raving beauty, attractive and never had a problem getting fellas. A work colleague at the time called me "the 5th All Saint" which is still the greatest compliment I have ever received!!
It's my own fault that I put the weight on but I also don't have the willpower or motivation to really commit to doing something about it, so I'm sort of stuck in a vicious circle. OP, I'm sure that you are not at all "ugly" and my advice is to just take care of yourself as best you can, both mentally and physically - you are still young so please try not to let your self doubt consume you. As someone else said, there is so much shoved down our throats about looking a "certain way" nowadays which is so sad because it's the unique-ness of people that makes them interesting. Sending hugs x

It’s not just about looking old though, it’s that I look bad. And bad for my age. I don’t think old equals ugly. I just have personally lost my looks as I’ve got into my 30s. I don’t think I look 60 years old lol but my face is more droopy than my friends my age. I look the oldest every though I’m the youngest but I also just don’t look attractive anymore