If you were once beautiful and have lost your looks, how do you feel about it?

[FouroutofFivee]

I suspect I am unreasonable for feeling this way, but I can’t help it. I have felt awful about myself for some time now.
I wouldn’t go as far to say I’ve ever been beautiful or stunning, but I thought I was attractive enough and could scrub up well. Always got attention when out and asked for my number etc and never had any trouble finding boyfriends or dates.

Now, I hardly recognise myself. I hoped I would age like my mother, who is still stunning and gets lots of attention. But I have aged terribly. I know this sounds shallow and vain but when I look in the mirror I just feel so sad. No matter what I do, I don’t look nice. I keep trying to accept that this is my face and it’s tough and there’s more important things in life. But it does hurt comparing myself to how I used to look. I try to keep other things nice like my hair and clothes etc but it doesn’t matter what I do, because my face is still ugly.

Im assuming I’ll be told to get over myself, and get a grip which is fine. But to anyone who used to be attractive and receive a lot of attention and now has lost that, how do you feel and how have you made peace with it?

Christ on a bike you are in your 30s. I've seen more posts like these and I do think social media is fuelling the rise in negative mindsets on looks.

Firstly take up strength training. It transforms your skin as your skin sits over muscle. Secondly wear colours that suit you. Thirdly stop comparing yourself- focus on what you want to accentuate. Forget the rest. Fourthly don't tie your self worth to your looks ever - do things because you want to.

All easier said than done and we can all feel like having an overhaul sometimes.

The older I get - the more I look like my father's bus pass photo. (A miserable old man.)

Hated it for years - resigned to it now.

I feel similar @staryellow. Am mid 40s and have recently developed an interest in style for the first time in my life. Style goes a long way and is also just .... Fun.

I’m 51 and yeah, I’m 51, but I still enjoy following fashion (appropriate!) and accessorising, doing my hair and the joy of a new outfit.

It makes me think I wasn’t ever really interested in the attention for youthful beauty, more that I genuinely like being creative with my appearance.

I was very pretty in my 20s and 30s, but I’ve found that as I’ve aged, I have become wiser and more confident. I am proud of the fact that I am no longer vain, no longer wear makeup and have more depth as a person. I think attractiveness is more than just stereotypical beauty and you only need the surface level beauty when you are trying to attract a mate (in your fertile years). When you are older, you have other things to offer, wit, wisdom, humour, patience, lived experience. I would hate to look like I did when I was younger now, I am in a different chapter now and loving it. It is someone else’s turn to be the pretty young thing!

😆😆😆

You’re only 36! Are you sure you don’t have self esteem issues?

Humans are only in that stunning young adult beauty zone for a few short years - dangerous to base your self worth on that short life stage.

I don’t miss the general perving and men being weird / resentful with me.

I'm a similar age and can relate somewhat.

I'm lucky I don't really have wrinkles but I've noticed over the last couple of years that I'm definitely looking older - my eyes have become more hooded and my cheeks are beginning to sag. I'm a parent to a small child so I 1) put it down to general tiredness and 2) have less time to notice or care.

I'm trying to make a conscious effort to drink more water as I often forget to do this, but one thing I have become aware of recently is that the way I did my makeup in my 20s/early 30s no longer flatters me. I don't want to do a complete overhaul but I've made some small tweaks - not sure if these have made me look younger, or if my old techniques were making me look older, but it has made a positive difference.

I work with really old people sometimes to a 95 year old I’m a mere slip of a girl at 50! One said wistfully “oh to be 50 again” so it’s all relative!

If you were once beautiful - you are still beautiful. Looks are not lost. Creases in skin due to decades of laughter are just as beautiful as smooth skin without wrinkles. You get to choose whether to consider only youth to be attractive. You may be seeing ugliness in the mirror because you are frowning/scowling/grimacing at what you see there. Instead, hold your head up high, think of all the joy in your life and smile - your looks are still there.

I really have changed honestly. From the ages of 17-25 I got so much attention and I know it sounds cringe, I’m not trying to boast. It’s just that wherever I went, I either got hit on or someone would slip their number into my pocket or something. I kind of just always knew that people found me attractive and I didn’t think I cared until it started to fade. From the ages of about 26 it slowly stopped and since 30 I can’t remember the last time anyone even complimented me, never mind anything else. I got a sedentary job, gained a bit of weight, I have insomnia which I think has an impact on my face and my lower half of my face just kind of droops like it’s melted. Once when I was 29 I went to a supermarket and a young lad asked me for ID but I didn’t have any. His colleagues came over, took one look at me and started laughing and said “she’s about 35” which I know isn’t a big difference and wasn’t TOO far off my age, but before that people always assumed I was younger.

I try not to worry about it but I just feel irrelevant and meaningless after having such validation for years. I know it sounds stupid

I would agree with this if it wasn’t for the fact that I get absolutely no male attention or female compliments or anything anymore. I very much notice the difference of how I am treated now vs when younger

Not to get all Samantha Brick, but in my late 20s I was very hot 😅 but I also had cripplingly low self esteem and was infatuated with a man who didn’t feel the same way and would go on to smash my heart to smithereens.

Now mid-30s, objectively look a lot worse (stopped wearing make up, live in gym clothes, aging like a pear), but have very high self confidence regardless. Zero fucks given. 😌

Sounds more like self esteem than anything else, but that doesnt really help.

Confidence really helps as does a touch of botox!

Also I would say to the people that are saying I’m too young to have changed that much that that’s what makes me feel worse! Because I feel like at this age I should still be looking nice and feeling good. But I really have let myself go it seems

This. Being beautiful with a good bone structure somewhat mitigates the aging process by holding together the face (not that aging should be noticeable in 30s anyway).

A few wrinkles on a beautiful face signifies soneone is older but they are still beautiful. OP do you have health issues that result in extreme weight loss or weight gain, sleep deprivation?

Stop looking in mirrors, and wear a mask for wearing outside the house, or do what I do and only leave the house after dark.

If you're still in your 30s then you definitely don't look terrible through age. It's your perception of yourself that has likely changed.

I sit staring at my mirror, asking it questions and fixated by my fading beauty, then I disguise myself as a hag and go around handing out poisoned apples to the young and hot.

The same. I was never the most attractive (especially day to day) but I scrubbed up well. I dont put all my value on my looks or what people think of me physically but I do miss looking in the mirror and thinking "you look pretty today".

It's no more vain than trying to flattering dress is.

I dont know how but Ive just sort of accepted it. In some ways I look older than my mum.

I do work out though so I feel better, even if I dont think I look great.

Plus age is a privilege blah blah blah

This! I'm now in my 40s and love the fact that no one stares at me anymore!

In your 30s! - and worried about looking old!!!!

You need to get a grip on this now or the rest of your life - of which there is loads left - will be miserable.

I am over double your age and make up for my waning (or rather changing) looks by trying to be useful to those around me; and smiling a lot.

I worked as a photographer and the best portrait I ever took was of a woman in her late 80s - her personality shone through and everyone comments on how great it is.

It is also important to change how you think about this. Your looks will change as you age; but the assumption is that this change is for the worse - that looking 70 is a bad thing. But it isn't - it is life. If you cannot accept life as it is then you will be miserable - and will make those around you miserable.

Re the male attention, sometimes it's more the vibe you give off - like if you're settled with a partner you don't give off that "available" vibe.

Female compliments - honestly that's something we just do out of politness, and often most effusively towards those who need a boost NOT the stunning ones.

I'm totally with you OP. I'm 40, my looks started fading around 35 and for me it's been a drastic change.
When I was 30 I did jury service and was with an 18 year old. After two weeks with her she assumed I had been her age all along. That's how young I looked at 30.
5 years later theres absolutely no chance someone would think that. And now at 40 I would be very lucky if someone thought I looked under 40. The issue for me has been facial sag. I had a pretty doll like face and was striking as a young woman but not a strong jaw, I've got weak scaffolding!!
I'm sure there's things I could do but I'm not rich and I have young kids I don't feel I can prioritise my face. It really gets me down though so I totally get you OP. I feel like I've totally lost my identity and it gets me down.

Take it from someone who has always been ugly; you need to learn to accept it or you’ll waste your life worrying. I focus on looking presentable, or dressing in outfits that click for me. Get plenty of sleep and drink plenty of water, eat well. Have a good skin care routine. Personally I wash and moisturise my face 1x a day, and then clean my light make up off at the end of the day if I’ve worn any.

There’s also option 2 and just lean into the ugliness. Get a shite but fashionable hair cut and wear things that don’t go. But I couldn’t do it.

ps I bet you are actually still lovely looking.