Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

32 yo sister just told us she is dating a 57 yo!

195 replies

Plutowe · 26/10/2025 13:39

We are all really quite horrified

Sister is a beautiful, grammar school/oxbridge student. She really has a lot going for her.

Sister recently broke it to us that she is in a relationship with a 57 yo. Ive seen pics and don’t get me wrong he’s done very well for himself professionally but we’re not talking billionaire or anything close. It’s not a gold digging situation. He’s handsome and fit. Probably was quite a catch….10 or 20 years ago.

Sister has had a tough few years and I genuinely think she is just lonely. My sister would never date anyone who didn’t want children so I can only assume that’s something they’re considering.

I obviously know it’s sister’s life to live but I genuinely think this relationship is a manifestation of her not being that happy. Her engagement ended very abruptly a week before the wedding due to groom’s infidelity.

How can I help sister?

OP posts:
Catsknowbest · 26/10/2025 15:28

BlueEyedBogWitch · 26/10/2025 15:25

She’s 32; mind your own business.

Agree.

Original poster
Plutowe · 26/10/2025 15:29

Sister has had a tough time recently. She lost around 20 pounds through lack of appetite/depression. And she was already very slim. She ended up looking very unwell!

OP posts:
Catsknowbest · 26/10/2025 15:30

Squirrrel · 26/10/2025 14:09

Why is OP getting hard time here while she's quite reasonably concerned about her sister.

Possibly the "we are all horrified" didn't help. Concerned, maybe. But the idea of the whole family wringing their hands in horror because of the choices of a grown woman was a bit much for me.

Thegrassroots26 · 26/10/2025 15:35

I’d probably be concerned if it was my sister. It’s a mightily big age gap. Men already have more power in society and within an intimate relationship having 25 years more life lived that her. Will it seem like such a good idea when she’s mid fifties and he is nearly 80…?

Thegrassroots26 · 26/10/2025 15:38

Also goes to show what a shitshow the dating world is at the moment that 32 year olds are pairing up with men pushing 60.

Maybe they are meant for each other, but I just seem to be hearing of so many huge age gaps lately with the man being older and the women young. It doesn’t sit right.

FightingFish · 26/10/2025 15:39

You can’t really say/do anything, just hope it ends swiftly.

MyballsareSandy2015 · 26/10/2025 15:41

Grim. I wouldn’t like it either OP. Why is she dating an old fucker at her age!

BCBird · 26/10/2025 15:42

Perhaps this will develop into something long term perhaps it won't. They may suit each other. If they are enjoying each other's company and treat each other well i think i should just shelve any help you think she might need and not be judgmental.

Dancingsquirrels · 26/10/2025 15:44

She's old enough to understand the implications of a relationship eith an older man. If you show your disapproval youll alienate both of them

Lunalara · 26/10/2025 15:47

Ultimately she knows what she is doing as she is in her thirties. Personally I would be uncomfortable with the idea of dating someone who could be the age of my dad, but you should still treat your sister with respect and care.

Hallywally · 26/10/2025 15:49

Personally it’s a bit 🤮 but she’s not a kid or young adult, she’s a fully fledged adult so just leave her to it 🤷🏻‍♀️

SerendipityJane · 26/10/2025 15:59

Not sure what the grammar school/Uxbridge education has to do with anything.

For some people it could be the end of the line ?

LemonPlumPanda · 26/10/2025 16:03

I would be worried too OP. I bet all these posters saying it's all fine would freak out if their sister started dating someone two years younger than their dad!

Saying that....she's an adult. You can't really do anything. I would welcome him to keep her close, and keep my fingers crossed that it will fizzle out in time.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/10/2025 16:03

Leave her be give him
a chance but ask her what she’ll be up to in 25 years

MidlandsGal1 · 26/10/2025 16:04

If she’s happy, leave her to it.

My SIL is in a similar age gap relationship, they’re both happy and have been together for almost 5 years. She’s a grown woman who can decide who she wants to date.

Yamamm · 26/10/2025 16:12

He’s far too old to start a family. By the time they’ve been together long enough to commit he’ll be 60. Who wants to be 75 with a teenager?
Not the worst thing in the world but if he’s father material he would have done something about it by now.
Still. It’s hard out there. Maybe marrying a too old bloke is better to her than not marrying at all. Hopefully he does at least really have assets and income to make life easier.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 26/10/2025 16:13

In a few years he will look like her dad. I really don’t get it myself but each to their own.

Leave her to it. If she wants him she wants him. Not your business really.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 26/10/2025 16:13

Yamamm · 26/10/2025 16:12

He’s far too old to start a family. By the time they’ve been together long enough to commit he’ll be 60. Who wants to be 75 with a teenager?
Not the worst thing in the world but if he’s father material he would have done something about it by now.
Still. It’s hard out there. Maybe marrying a too old bloke is better to her than not marrying at all. Hopefully he does at least really have assets and income to make life easier.

And not marrying at all is really really fine too.

LlynTegid · 26/10/2025 16:18

I think your concerns are valid, especially given her wish to have a family, and the very real possibility that any children could have a dad who is limited in what he can do with them when say they are teenagers. There are plenty of examples of age gap relationships which work, but from what you describe she may be or have recently been emotionally in a bad place and could be having low self-esteem.

As to what you can do, keep all communication with her going, so you can be there if it does not work out.

tartyflette · 26/10/2025 16:20

Do you think she is aware that it is quite likely (although not certain of course, anything can happen, and to any of us) she could be widowed when she is in her 40s?
And when she is 55 he will be 80. That's quite a significant gap at those stages in life.

Lostthebubblewand · 26/10/2025 16:23

My friend is 28 with a 58 year old. I feel like she’s wasting her life tbh

Cynic17 · 26/10/2025 16:23

This is just like any other relationship your sister might have, OP......
If it works out, that's fantastic and you have a happy sister.
If it doesn't work out AND your sister seeks your support, you provide a listening ear and the occasional bottle of wine.

Maybe, at 32, she's old enough to know her own mind, she's fed up with flaky young men and wants someone mature and a bit more serious? Seems like a plan, to me.

You don't do anything to "help" her, because she doesn't need help.

mrsh2025 · 26/10/2025 16:24

Almost same age gap between myself and my husband. A lot of people raised eyebrows when we got together but it’s been an extremely happy marriage and I absolutely adore him.

RetiredAt54 · 26/10/2025 16:24

TroysMammy · 26/10/2025 14:23

Same age gap as Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas.

Rod and Penny
Donald and Melania 😂😂

Superhansrantowindsor · 26/10/2025 16:27

Is he a nice person? Does he treat her with respect and care? Can he support himself financially? These are the questions I’d ask first about my sisters partner. At 32 the age wouldn’t be an issue to me.