32 yo sister just told us she is dating a 57 yo!

[Plutowe]

We are all really quite horrified

Sister is a beautiful, grammar school/oxbridge student. She really has a lot going for her.

Sister recently broke it to us that she is in a relationship with a 57 yo. Ive seen pics and don’t get me wrong he’s done very well for himself professionally but we’re not talking billionaire or anything close. It’s not a gold digging situation. He’s handsome and fit. Probably was quite a catch….10 or 20 years ago.

Sister has had a tough few years and I genuinely think she is just lonely. My sister would never date anyone who didn’t want children so I can only assume that’s something they’re considering.

I obviously know it’s sister’s life to live but I genuinely think this relationship is a manifestation of her not being that happy. Her engagement ended very abruptly a week before the wedding due to groom’s infidelity.

How can I help sister?

Shocking Post. Mind your own Business.

How do you know how much money he has?

Owning a dental practice is more than comfortable in my book.
He and his aged sperm are too old for her ... but what can you do? It's her choice and maybe they will have great sex, lots of fun and he will boost her confidence.

My husband had ‘shitty sperm’ at 25 due to a fuck up by the national health service during an operation when he was 2. So, what the fuck does that have to do with anything?

My ex dated a 40 year old at 16 for 4 years. Her mother moved him in also that same year and thought it was fine. weird bunch

Consider this situation better

Interesting perspectives on this thread.
It is just about the same gap between my sister and her husband.
Her husband knows the same people that mum and dad did when they were young.
People said the same about my sister, she was well educated, she had a fantastic career in law etc and that she would end up as his carer. However my sister is 58 and seriously ill with cancer. Her 84 year old dh is doing an amazing job of looking after her, keeping their large house immaculate, making sure my sister is clean and groomed. He has learned to do her hair and how she likes her make up fone on days when she struggled to do it. All the naysayers never foresaw this turn of events. Dh absolutely fires her and they have been together since she was about 24 or 25.
Im not saying its going to work in ever case but there are success stories.

Do you think your sister will want children at any point, OP? Has he already got kids? IMO he's too old to have any more (I mean morally).

Yes she has always wanted to be a mum. Was thinking about adoption not too long ago but decided she needed to wait until she was in a happier place.

Bf has never married or had kids

Sister will definitely have thought about his old sperm.

At 32 she is more than old enough to make a consenting decision about who she does and doesnt want in her life. So far you havent come across as being much of a positive influence for her.

What on earth has it got to do with you to judge this relationship. You might drop down dead tomorrow. She might have the next 40 years together with this man. Why judge her relationship based on nothing more than two adults enjoying each others company.

This is horrible

@Plutowe The age of his sperm wouldn't concern me if I was your sister as obviously men can still get women pregnant at his age. But more over wouldn't it be selfish of him to have a baby at such an age?
It would also be a red flag to me that he has never been married at his age before (if marriage is something your sister wants).

No one born in 1968 has aged sperm !!!!

I think if he had a baby he would definitely be likely to see the child into adulthood etc so I don’t think it’s selfish but - I appreciate opinions differ massively on this matter

I no don’t think his sperm’s even old!

but I appreciate that’s me, and opinions massively differ on a topic like this

All ths best wishes in the world for your sister ❤️

The most incredible, enviable kids - now in 20s & thriving think Oxbridge/Ivy League & successful, happy & contented lives - had a Dad with ‘old sperm’. He was also loving & stable influence & is & remains a brilliant & loving husband & father.

Be very careful how you speak to your sister about this OP. She's 32 so plenty old enough to make her own decisions without interference no matter how well intentioned they may be.
At 43 I started a relationship with a 59 year old man. My older brother went ballistic (mainly because I have no children so he'd assumed I would be leaving his children everything) and, long story short, we're now NC. Reader, I married him.

Well his age obviously! A 57 year old man will have shitty sperm, there is no doubt about it

It’s her choice. But she’ll be committing herself to a retirement on her own. When she’s 50, he’ll be 75, likely with a whole host of health issues.

Imagine asking him if he thinks a 25 year gap is OK whether he’ll be up for dating an 82 yr old woman. That might make him think!

True enough!
No doubt someone will be on in a minute to say they know a man who did just that and they are the happiest couple in the world. 🙄

Good for her.

Similar age-gap to my parents who were 54 & 28 when they married. They were together until my father's death, aged 89. I never heard them exchange an angry word. My mother said that she had found men her own age frivolous. He, on the other hand, was not, and was furthermore fit, wise, solvent & interesting.

Thing is, he's 57 now. Say they had a baby together in 2/3 years, he's going to be near enough to 60! Who wants to be a father to a newborn and then a toddler young child at that age?!! My husband turns 50 next year and we have a 5 yo... and he feels old!!

Your sister is an adult so just be there for her regardless. It could work and they spend years together or it ends horribly, but if she thinks you'll be there to say 'I told you so' I would imagine she may be less likely to say. My husband and I have 20+ years between us. 10 years and counting with 2 kids. I had a very scary cancer scare earlier this year and it made me even more determined to be happy. Life is short. If she's happy then what's to oppose?

Tbh, everyone’s going to have a different response due to our life experiences @Plutowe. If you lost a parent in their mid-60’s as I did, for example, you’ll think that it’s not a good idea to start a family in your late 50’s; if your parents are/were hale and hearty into their 90’s, you may think differently.