32 yo sister just told us she is dating a 57 yo!

[Plutowe]

We are all really quite horrified

Sister is a beautiful, grammar school/oxbridge student. She really has a lot going for her.

Sister recently broke it to us that she is in a relationship with a 57 yo. Ive seen pics and don’t get me wrong he’s done very well for himself professionally but we’re not talking billionaire or anything close. It’s not a gold digging situation. He’s handsome and fit. Probably was quite a catch….10 or 20 years ago.

Sister has had a tough few years and I genuinely think she is just lonely. My sister would never date anyone who didn’t want children so I can only assume that’s something they’re considering.

I obviously know it’s sister’s life to live but I genuinely think this relationship is a manifestation of her not being that happy. Her engagement ended very abruptly a week before the wedding due to groom’s infidelity.

How can I help sister?

And so could any other man. Do you sperm check every man you have a possible relationship with from the age of 18? ANY man of ANY age could have ‘shitty sperm’. How old are you by the way to say ‘shitty sperm’. Fucking juvenile.

It's out of the ordinary isn't it but literally other than his age I can't see the issue

He probably isn't even up for dating a woman his own age or slightly younger, like the bulk of men over 50. They all seem to think, even in to their late 60s and 70s they are entitled to a woman of 25 or 30.

@Trunnyl
Thank you got that kind comment. It caught me off guard.

OK back to biology class for you then! A 57 year old man will have shittier sperm than a 25 or 30 or even 40 year old man because the DNA inside the gamete will be 57-males "renew" their sperm every roughly every three months but this new batch will be as old as the man himself

@anterenea But a 57 yo man can still get a woman pregnant - it only takes one sperm!

She's not talking about that - it's about a rise in birth defects and developmental disorders with age of male.

This is not your business. She hasn't asked for help. Maybe accept her choice? I mean, if you want her to be in your life. She's 32. You make it sound you know what is better for her than she does.

And look how that turned out

I would suggest that a 57 year old wanting to date someone so much younger speaks to his immaturity. Well comfirms it really.

yeah I’d be concerned. Mostly because of the kids situation. And also she seems in a bad way and that’s never a good place from which to make dating decisions. It would be really sad if she spent her 30s with someone who didn’t want kids only to find the clock really is ticking on that front and she doesn’t find anyone else. That can happen with anyone granted, but I’d be surprised if someone that age who had never got round to having kids, suddenly decided to. I had kids late (in 40s) and we are in our knees with exhaustion. I can’t imagine starting older than that.

on the flip side, if he’s a nice decent person who treats her well, this could be just the relationship she needs to help her start to feel better. Not every relationship goes the distance not needs to for it to be great one.

@herbaltincture Very true also.

Christ above, listen to the facts.
Biologically a man of 57 has shit sperm quality. It’s a fact!
From a biological point of view it is far, far better for women to breed with an 18 year old than say a 28 year old. Then better to breed with a 28 year old than a 38 year old etc etc etc.
There is a huge risk that a child with an old father will have, at some point, medical defects.
Educate yourself if you don’t know this.
Nobody wants a 57 year old father, nobody.
If he isn’t dead when the child is say 30, then he will most likely be suffering from dementia.
Again this is an awful thing to inflict upon a child.

You’re getting a lot of judgement OP, but I completely understand your concerns and I would feel the same. It must have been a horrible experience finding out about her fiancé’s infidelity so close to the marriage. She’ll have had her future pulled out from under her. Maybe she’s dating the older man as she assumes he won’t leave her. I think all you can do is express your concerns.

Honestly, some of these posts.

Sometimes we choose the person who is right for the next phase of our life regardless that they may not be with us right up until we die. Because they recognise that that person is the one who will make them happy regardless if they don't get forever with them. Judging by some of the posts on this thread some people presumably approach finding a life partner like they're shopping for a new kitchen.

By being there for her if things don’t work out

All this assuming it is a forever relationship. Perhaps, after being treated like shit by a man her age, she just wants to be pampered and in a calm relationship, without all these expectations. Perhaps while she licks her wounds. Then she may be ready to move on.
I would keep my mouth firmly shut, op.
Actually, I have more sympathy for your parents, it must be very weird for them. But mouth firmly shut is the way forward.

I have just read that Buzz Aldrin's (aged 95 )wife has died. She was 66.

I bet they had plenty of naysayers when they got married and people never expected him to out live her.

A lot of people’s grandparents were married for decades, women really didn’t have much of a choice back then, so it’s no indication that they were actually happy.

Not your business. Her choice.