32 yo sister just told us she is dating a 57 yo!

[Plutowe]

We are all really quite horrified

Sister is a beautiful, grammar school/oxbridge student. She really has a lot going for her.

Sister recently broke it to us that she is in a relationship with a 57 yo. Ive seen pics and don’t get me wrong he’s done very well for himself professionally but we’re not talking billionaire or anything close. It’s not a gold digging situation. He’s handsome and fit. Probably was quite a catch….10 or 20 years ago.

Sister has had a tough few years and I genuinely think she is just lonely. My sister would never date anyone who didn’t want children so I can only assume that’s something they’re considering.

I obviously know it’s sister’s life to live but I genuinely think this relationship is a manifestation of her not being that happy. Her engagement ended very abruptly a week before the wedding due to groom’s infidelity.

How can I help sister?

Does not sound like she either needs or wishes your help. So I’d try not to involve yourself in another adults life to this extent and be so judgey.

Have you met him? What’s he like as a person?

You don't tell us what his situation is which have some.bearing for me. Is he never married or divorced or widowed? Had/has kids or never did that?I think these are all questions I'd ask her (but very gettle obvs).

please don’t do this, it is hugely over stepping and intrusive.

I don’t like it but I’d be much more concerned if they were both 10 tats younger.

Age gap is a bit much, and would not do for me, and she could well be his carer in about 15 years, but she is 32, not 16. So for that reason YABU sorry @Plutowe

Have to say if I was my daughter I would be a bit horrified. But, I would not be able to do anything about it. Your sister is a grown woman. You don't need to 'help' her.

Surely not if close to your sister?

She’s 32 and doesn’t sound like she’s vulnerable in some way.

So, her choice!

The sister hasn’t asked for her help. And clearly not that close as she’s already dating him and then told “them”. So yes. Hugely over bearing and intrusive.

I wouldn’t be thrilled if it was my sister if I’m honest, however you have to back off, if she is happy then so be it. If he is treating her with respect and love and they wan’t to make a life together then good for them.

You don’t wan’t your sister to take a step back from family if she feels you all don’t approve, if it all goes wrong then you’ll just have to be there for her.

She is an adult at the end of the day and it’s not anyone else’s business really.

She is an adult and makes her own choices and is not in at any risk by being with someone much older, and is old enough to have considered the potential issues. One of my best friends started a relationship her early 30s with a man in his 60s and they were very happy together for over ten years until his death.

please don’t do this, it is hugely over stepping and intrusive.

How weird you should look at it like that.

It's just a normal conversation amongst most sisters or friends.

"So, tell me about your new boyfriend/girlfriend" etc.

Sorry did not mean to offend. I mentioned my sister’s background and looks just to point out she has so much going for her. I did not mean to imply she is of inherently higher value because of those things.

Age aside, is he a nice person who is making her happy?

He has never married or had kids in

He 2 years younger than our dad 🤢

25 year old difference when he’s pushing 60? Ooh i’d be concerned too but it’s her life, her choice.

Yes.

But it's hardly surprising that many (most?) 45 year olds wouldn't want a 70 year old husband either...

Back off. She's a mature woman. She can do basic maths. He is presumably an interesting guy and they get on like a house on fire. That's priceless. Good for them.

I don't think you have been offensive @Plutowe

Totally, I’d ask any good friend I was mutually open with. ‘Tell me about him’…it’s natural, surely?

He is a multi-facetted, fully fledged unique individual in his own right. His age is far from the most significant thing about him.

Yes, especially if you've seen their photo.

She's 32 - it's up to her isn't it? Unless he's treating her like trash and then obviously you try to help. Otherwise you are being unhelpful. And judgy.

When I was her age I was I was seeing a 58 year old. It ended amicably. Now I’m 49 and my partner is 70, we are together for the past five years and are very happy. Age gap relationships aren’t always a disaster despite what people on MN think.

Maybe she doesn't like sex and prefers an older gentleman who is not going to bother her as much, as say, a man of 27. One of my best friends married a homosexual and they've been happily married for almost 40 years. She didn't want children or sex. Despite everyone whispering (in the 1990s) 'she does know he's gay, doesn't she'? Now they are more open about it and everyone assumes that he's bisexual. They are very happy and compliment each other well. They have a lot of fun.

There's no right or wrong way to live your life. Different strokes for different folks and all that. It's just an age gap after all.