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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I have to move from sheer embarrassment?

292 replies

Wowwowweewa · 19/10/2025 23:17

I’m having new blinds fitted tomorrow so I was trying to move furniture but my sofa was too heavy. I knocked on next door and asked the guy there if he would t mind helping me.

He did, I thanked him and when we were done I offered him a beer. His response was- erm I better not, don’t think my girlfriend would be too pleased. I laughed and said something like “don’t worry, it was just a thank you” and he just said “yeah even so, best be off, have a good rest of your evening”

I don’t fancy this man, arguably he is attractive, definitely the goes the gym type but he’s not my type. But I feel so embarrassed now.

Aibu? I think my house will be up for sale and I hope the buyers enjoy the new blinds.

OP posts:
usedtobeaylis · 20/10/2025 10:32

lowlight · 20/10/2025 10:13

His response was embarrassing - he should be mortified that he assumed you were cracking on to him. What a dick.

Agree - remember the whole discourse about men reading too much into friendly gestures and how it prevents women from making friendly gestures 🙃

Pretty sad that women read that into it too.

ruethewhirl · 20/10/2025 10:41

myfitbitisfucked · 19/10/2025 23:34

why are you mortified?
he’s the one who behaved in a completely ridiculous manner.
and as for some of the replies about offering alcohol in a flirty capacity, well the 1950s called they want their women back 🤣

Absolutely this! Some of the replies on here are so prim. And he sounds up himself for assuming you were flirting.

OP I think it was a nice gesture, try not to feel embarrassed.

Noodge · 20/10/2025 10:53

Male friends often walk me home from nights out. If I am not up early I often invite them in for a beer as a thanks. It never occurred to me that they might see it as a 'come on' at all.

forgivingfiggy · 20/10/2025 10:59

Agree that it’s him that should be embarrassed. It was a normal offering. He made it weird.

forgivingfiggy · 20/10/2025 11:02

Reminds me of the SATC line with Samantha and ‘I have a girlfriend! ‘Relax, I just asked if the seat was taken’.

WeeGeeBored · 20/10/2025 11:03

If your aim is to find another friends with benefits set-up like in your previous residence then yes you should move as this neighbour ain’t having it.

MissDoubleU · 20/10/2025 11:05

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 20/10/2025 10:32

He didn't need to mention his girlfriend though.

The OP offered him a beer, not a blow job. A "no thanks" would have sufficed, without anyone needing to be embarrassed. It's pretty presumptuous to assume that someone who offers you a beer wants to sleep with you.

Show quote history

It doesn’t matter. She asked him to share an alcoholic drink, not a cup of tea. He wanted to be absolutely clear because her intention could very easily have been to stay and get to know him. It doesn’t make him arrogant to be firm and give the clear reason he isn’t comfortable staying. Not because of OP or her intentions but because within his relationship this would not be acceptable.

brunettemic · 20/10/2025 11:08

I’d move, change your name and get plastic surgery to change your appearance 😂

MissDoubleU · 20/10/2025 11:10

WeeGeeBored · 20/10/2025 11:03

If your aim is to find another friends with benefits set-up like in your previous residence then yes you should move as this neighbour ain’t having it.

I also got this vibe. OP says she didn’t find him attractive and it wasn’t like that - but she did notice he must work out and how fit he was. Makes a point out of how she used to shag her old neighbour.

And again, a new neighbour helping me out I would offer a cup of tea or coffee. She went right to “let’s drink together.” This man was perfectly within his right to be clear about his relationship status and that he couldn’t accept. The most embarrassing part of this situation was OP doubling down after he said no. Insisting she meant to share a beer together as a friend was cringey. She absolutely should have said for him to take a beer or two home as a thank you for taking the time to help her.

bumbaloo · 20/10/2025 11:15

JDM625 · 19/10/2025 23:30

Is offering a beer a regular part of your life and something you'd normally offer people in your home? Was he supposed to sit in your house whilst he finished the drink?

TBH- I find it a bit bizarre. If I wanted to thank him and keep good neighbour relations, I might have offered £5 or gone around after given them a small box of chocs.

See we are all different. If I helped a neighbour and they handed me £5 i would think they were really weird. I’m not a skivvy. I’m a neighbour helping out.

Notmyreality · 20/10/2025 11:16

Ah this thread. Classic a man can’t do right for trying. He did exactly the right thing considering how it would look from his gf pov and declined. He dosent think he gods gift to woman, he just has some self awareness. A bit more than OP, who btw, clearly does fancy him.

GreyCarpet · 20/10/2025 11:18

My partner would have refused too.

I know that because, a few years before we got together and we just did a hobby together, he did a pretty big favour for me and I asked if he wanted to come in afterwards for a beer and he refused because he had a girlfriend at the time and it didn't feel appropriate to him.

Nothing wrong with the OP offering.

Nothing wrong with him refusing.

If they were actually friends it would be different.

Dundeeyounger1 · 20/10/2025 11:22

Not a big deal. He did you a favour, you offered him a drink. I wouldn't read anything more into it than that.

PixieandMe · 20/10/2025 11:24

wandawaves · 19/10/2025 23:37

I don't think you are the one that should feel embarrassed... it should be him, for automatically assuming you're trying to hit on him!

Yes, I agree with this.

I am sure I've done things like that in the past. Never occurred to me that it might be viewed as a come-on, to be honest.

XWKD · 20/10/2025 11:25

You offered him a beer, not a blowjob.

Slowdownyouredoingfine · 20/10/2025 11:29

You’re fine. Very average working class thing to do (I’m working class and have done similar!) If my DP helped the neighbour move and had a beer after I wouldn’t assume she wanted to bed him 🤣 just a thanks isn’t it…

bumbaloo · 20/10/2025 11:30

Notmyreality · 20/10/2025 11:16

Ah this thread. Classic a man can’t do right for trying. He did exactly the right thing considering how it would look from his gf pov and declined. He dosent think he gods gift to woman, he just has some self awareness. A bit more than OP, who btw, clearly does fancy him.

Edited

Oh you were talking sense until the last bit where you rambled off into lunacy

icouldholditwithacobweb · 20/10/2025 11:30

Yep, there are so many men out there who take normal friendliness as a woman wanting to get into their pants. No idea why they all think they're irresistible. You have no reason to be embarrassed OP, the guy's reaction was weird!

Tbrg · 20/10/2025 11:33

He might have just not wanted to make small talk whilst he drank it and would have probably accepted if you had given him a couple of cans to take away with him.

You don’t know his circumstances or relationship. He’s found a way to clumsily decline a drink with you, leave it like that.

The only reason I could see for you to be embarrassed would be if you did actually fancy him and it felt like a knock back . . . . .

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 20/10/2025 11:35

He's been watching too much porn. You offered him a beer, not a blowjob FGS.

GreyCarpet · 20/10/2025 11:38

icouldholditwithacobweb · 20/10/2025 11:30

Yep, there are so many men out there who take normal friendliness as a woman wanting to get into their pants. No idea why they all think they're irresistible. You have no reason to be embarrassed OP, the guy's reaction was weird!

Maybe they're just aware that there is room for confusion and prefer to avoid any awkwardness. Maybe he just didn't want to sit and have a beer with the OP and used the "my girlfriend wouldn't like it" in the way many women use "my boyfriend wouldn't like it".

Because, let's face it, if the OP had posted on here saying her neighbour was hot and how could she get talking to him, the majority of the responses would have been along the lines of, "Why don't you ask him to do a little job for you? Help move a sofa or something like that and then ask him if he wants to stay for a beer afterwards? You'll know from his response if he's interested or not."

Those threads are really common place on here!

Thepeopleversuswork · 20/10/2025 11:47

@MissDoubleU

It doesn’t matter. She asked him to share an alcoholic drink, not a cup of tea. He wanted to be absolutely clear because her intention could very easily have been to stay and get to know him. It doesn’t make him arrogant to be firm and give the clear reason he isn’t comfortable staying. Not because of OP or her intentions but because within his relationship this would not be acceptable.

Ridiculous. What kind of relationship is he in where drinking an alcoholic drink with a member of the opposite sex is considered a breach of trust? A relationship with that many guardrails and rules will never survive contact with the real world.

My DP routinely has alcoholic drinks with other women, I don't know or care when it happens and I wouldn't expect to be kept abreast of it, still less for him to come out with some prissy and self-important little ditty about how it made him "uncomfortable". Because I trust him to communicate with other women without jumping into bed with them.

Honestly I'd be mortified if my DP behaved like this.

CoffeeCantata · 20/10/2025 11:54

Jack2025 · 20/10/2025 08:55

What an utterly bizarre reaction to you offering your neighbour a beer as a thank you!!!
Just carry on with your life, with or without blinds!

It’s as though we’ve gone back to the time of Jane Austen!

It is a fact universally acknowledged that a single woman who offers a single man a can of beer MUST be in need of a shag.

How ridiculous. This man must be SO vain if he assumes any woman who offers a basic human kindness is after his body. Ugh…his gf is welcome to the preening little peacock!

AliasGrape · 20/10/2025 11:56

When I was single and moved into a rented house I'd ordered some furniture and I can't remember what the issue was exactly but I needed a tool I didn't have. The guy a few doors down was a builder (lived with his girlfriend who was lovely) and so I went to ask if I could borrow whatever it was and he offered to come and fix the problem for me, which he did. Full disclosure, I did in fact totally fancy him which is why I just said thanks a lot I really appreciate it, and didn't try to extend his stay in any way in case I made it obvious!

People acting all mock offended and like it's ridiculous to interpret you inviting him to have a beer with you as possibly having other intentions are being very naive - of course a single woman inviting a man, whom she herself describes as attractive, to sit in her house and have a drink with her has the possible connotation of being meant as more than just a 'thanks for helping'. Even if it's not an overt come on, it could very easily be read as at least a first attempt to gauge interest/ potential in a romantic or sexual way - and everyone claiming that they'd NEVER interpret it otherwise are lying.

And yes, a lot of men do mistake basic politeness as an expression of sexual interest. There's a name for it and everything 'Sexual Overperception Bias'. I've not looked into it to see how great the scientific evidence for this is, but most of us surely can think of examples where it's true at least anecdotally.

There's every chance that he assumed you were offering a drink because you fancy him, and even that you'd fabricated the need for help based on this reason. Maybe a little bit vain of him, but given one possible, and even frequent reason, that single women invite vaguely attractive men for a drink with them is that they fancy them, then he's not wildly off the mark either - even if as you say it wasn't the case here. If he's half decent it may well have happened in the past that a woman offered a drink and it WAS an attempt to get in his pants. Surely you have enough sense to know that he could possibly have interpreted it that way, given you've had similar experiences previously?

Which is why if I wanted to thank someone but really didn't want to let them think I wanted anything more, I'd have either given him some beers/ chocolate/ biscuits to take home, or taken something round for him and his girlfriend. Or just said thank you followed by something deeply unsexy like 'well I owe you one, you know where I am if you need your bins bringing in!'.

Thepeopleversuswork · 20/10/2025 11:57

@CoffeeCantata

It is a fact universally acknowledged that a single woman who offers a single man a can of beer MUST be in need of a shag.

LOL.

This guy is an absolute berk.