To think I have to move from sheer embarrassment?

[Wowwowweewa]

I’m having new blinds fitted tomorrow so I was trying to move furniture but my sofa was too heavy. I knocked on next door and asked the guy there if he would t mind helping me.

He did, I thanked him and when we were done I offered him a beer. His response was- erm I better not, don’t think my girlfriend would be too pleased. I laughed and said something like “don’t worry, it was just a thank you” and he just said “yeah even so, best be off, have a good rest of your evening”

I don’t fancy this man, arguably he is attractive, definitely the goes the gym type but he’s not my type. But I feel so embarrassed now.

Aibu? I think my house will be up for sale and I hope the buyers enjoy the new blinds.

I'm possibly naive.

I’m soooo puzzled. This isn’t Embarassing at all, is it? In what universe does offering someone a beer merit a moments thought? I think I must be living on a different planet.

@ConnieHeart A drink offered as a thank you, is different?
If a man thinks a woman wants sex with her because she offered a drink, then that's a problem. That's a step away from saying, well, she offered me a drink, so I thought it was OK. Thankfully, this guy had the sense to leave, which only makes him a silly bugger.

Im with you i cant see where the embarassing moment is.
Let alone what he said was not wrong he said no dont think my girl friend would be too pleased a normal response.

😅 likewise!

but, seriously, there was a thread along the lines of a poster had seen a van parked near her house. I forget now whether he was there working or lived there but she'd ascertained he was a builder. She wanted to know how to get talking to him.

The majority of posts advised things like, "Don't you have X that needs fixing? 😉" or "Ask him to come and take a look at Y for you. Drop in that you don't have a husband to do it. Invite him out for a beer to say thank you." "You'll know by his response if he's interested! "Don't forget to update!" "Shall I buy a hat??"

Whenever there's a "There's a man on my street/at my hobby/in my local coffee shop/at my gym I fancy" type threads, there are always suggestions to ask him for help or advice and offer to take him for a beer to say thanks.

They're probably equally matched by the, "Do nothing. If a man is interested, he'll let you know," replies. And closely followed by the replies that try to put the OP in her place, "He's probably married." "How embarrassing for you," type responses.

I think until it's acceptable in the eyes of the majority for woman to approach a man she's interested in directly, many women will continie to resort to dropping their metaphorical lace hanky to signal iinterest.

A cuppa while he's working, or just after he's finished is very different from sitting down with him when he's done with a beer & food. I'd find it a bit strange if my OH had done this with a woman he was either working for or did a job for. Even more so if it was a 5 minute job of moving a sofa! I trust my OH 100% but would think the woman, especially if she was single, would be hoping for a bit more. I don't mean she'd be hoping he'd shag her but maybe to arrange a proper date in the future

Exactly. It's the change in dynamics.

As always, the devil is in the detail.

@ConnieHeart So I need to be more cautious because all men think they're so irresistible to women that to offer a thank you drink, means you want to rip their clothes off?

We NEED the laughing reaction emoji back!

Oh my goodness, my builder just told me very clearly and deliberately about his girlfriend. I wasn't thinking that way at all - he's lovely but he's about 12! 😳😂

I just read a lot about salt transport through stone types because I'm a huge nerd so was excited to talk about it. But we can shrug this off, OP. It will all be forgotten as quick as anything.

I think he made it weird,not you, but maybe his girlfriend is the sort that would kick off. Its quite an odd response from him.
I dont think you have anything to be embarrassed about, but i wouldnt ask him for help again. Id be polite but a bit frosty from now on. Hes made a fool of himself, not you

So what if that's what you would do? What's the relevance?

No... 🙄

It's just being aware of what you are communicating and signaling, nuance and different situations to avoid miscommunication.

Eg I offered tea/coffee to the man who came to clean my oven and the man who came to service my boiler. They both accepted and drank it whilst they were working. That was appropriate.

I would not have invited either of them to stay for a beer (or tea/coffee) after their job was finished even though i knew i was their last job of the day. That would have been inappropriate and instinctively felt wrong. Probably on both sides!

@GreyCarpet

I have spoken to men in social situations over the years who have managed to shoe horn their wife into the conversation early on. IIt ight have slightly amused me at the time because I wasn't interested but I appreciated why they were doing it.

I hate it when men do this. So theatrical, over the top and defensive.

Me and my wife love that restaurant, yes I go there a lot with my wife.
Are you going on holiday this year? Yes my wife also loves Barbados. I said to my wife we'll have to book early.

Yawn. All women aren't trying to get off with you because they have basic social skills. If you can't communicate with members of the opposite sex without blushing and having to namedrop your wife three times per sentence its not my hang-up. I'm not interested in you I'm just capable of having a normal conversation.

So tedious.

You clarified, he's obviously just got a big ego 😂
A man brought DH round a pack of beer after DH caught his dog which was running in the road and managed to track the owner down on SM, its a common thank you offer hardly a clear come on.

Bought round, not invited him in to drink with him.

Find it very interesting to see women complain when a man “shoehorns” the mention of a partner into conversation with another woman. It’s a very, very different story when there’s no mention of a woman on the scene. “Why didn’t he mention her? He made me think he’s single, or perhaps he’s a cheat.” “If my DP/H/BF didn’t mention me once when chatting at length to a new girl I would be fuming.”

@GreyCarpet I can't read anything into the gesture other than to say, thank you.

It wasn't theatrical at all.

I can explicitly remember two men who did this.

One was a social situation where I didn't know anyone but recognised him - we'd never spoken. He mentioned his wife once in the first 5 mins of conversation. Perfectly appropriate but an obvious mention.

The second was a similar situation at a hobby related social event. I didn't know anyone else there and he made a point of telling me that his wife hadn't been able to attend because of taking the children to a family thing.

The main difference between them was that I actuqlly did quite fancy the first man so knowing he was married was helpful. Neither was embarrassing though.

Absolutely agree.

The female partner expects to be mentioned in case the woman is interested and he should be transparent.

The woman she is mentioned to is offended because how dare he think she might be interested.

Ridiculous

Also suggestions that he should have said he was too busy. When that isn't good enough and you should expect your partner to be clear that he is saying no because he has a partner and it shouldn't make any difference whether he has time or not because he has a partner and he should have let her know that.

All things I've read multiple times on MN.

I get why you’re embarrassed but I don’t think you did anything wrong. I remember working with a guy who acted like every bit of small talk was a come on, which made me feel like an idiot at the time but now I look back and think he was the weird one!

We did a favour for a neighbour and the guy came round with a bottle of wine to thank us, I was in on my own. That’s about as much of a come-on as offering a beer, surely? He should be embarrassed, not you. If it was a guy offering it’d just be a normal thing to do.

If they were sitting close to one another in a romantic dimly lit bar maybe. But he’s just helping her move a piece of furniture. It’s completely unnecessary.

Some of these comments suggest to me that people feel that any social interaction between men and women needs signposting to indicate whether its romantic or not. Life just isn’t like that. Seeing every interaction with someone of the opposite sex as a potential pickup opportunity is so limiting and depressing.

But why is a thank you gift to take home appropriate but offering him a drink in the house was inappropriate? He got thirsty in the moment and the direct response to that was to offer a drink. Because she wanted to tank you or at least not look cheap she offered a beer instead of tap water. It’s strange to say you must be thirsty so here have a beer but carry it home. If she’d only thought I’d thanking him later then sure take a present around but she offered him a beer and this is Ben f judged as inappropriate. There is nothing inappropriate about this and it’s concerning if he’s in a relationship where this is something he needs to be aware of and alter his behaviour response to.