To think I have to move from sheer embarrassment?

[Wowwowweewa]

I’m having new blinds fitted tomorrow so I was trying to move furniture but my sofa was too heavy. I knocked on next door and asked the guy there if he would t mind helping me.

He did, I thanked him and when we were done I offered him a beer. His response was- erm I better not, don’t think my girlfriend would be too pleased. I laughed and said something like “don’t worry, it was just a thank you” and he just said “yeah even so, best be off, have a good rest of your evening”

I don’t fancy this man, arguably he is attractive, definitely the goes the gym type but he’s not my type. But I feel so embarrassed now.

Aibu? I think my house will be up for sale and I hope the buyers enjoy the new blinds.

I think this is on him reading too much into it.

why would he assume an offer of a drink was anything other than that?

unless you had changed into high heels and a peach peignoir before extending the offer?

Because it could have been.

Woman in need of a man to help her and offering beer in return to prolong the encounter is exactly how many women would signal their interest to a man.

Because, let's face it, if the OP had posted on here saying her neighbour was hot and how could she get talking to him, the majority of the responses would have been along the lines of, "Why don't you ask him to do a little job for you? Help move a sofa or something like that and then ask him if he wants to stay for a beer afterwards? You'll know from his response if he's interested or not."

Exactly, it's basically textbook and sounds like something I'd have read in More magazine back in the day.

And it's also well established that men tend to view basic friendliness as sexual interest (#notallmen blah blah) - it's SO common.

Which is why it just reads as fake when people are like 'oh how silly, nobody sensible would ever think that, men and women are platonically inviting each other to stay for a drink all the time, my married male friends are never out of my house drinking beers and my husband is forever going for dinner and drinks with his multiple single friends and it never means anything more and anyone who would interpret it that way is either sex crazed or from the 1950s'. Stop protesting so much it sounds ridiculous - you can want the world to be like that all you like, but we're not quite there yet.

Of course a woman can have a drink with a man and it be entirely platonic and with no other motivation - but very very very often there's something else going on and it's not completely wild for the invitee to think that.

Nothing wrong with what you said. He’s the one who twisted it in that direction by invoking the GF. He could have just said “no thanks just glad I could help”
Sounds like he has a GF problem

Bit of a different scenario there. You can totally think someone is attractive without finding them attractive, but also not protest you are attracted in a beer wielding mumsnet thread.

Exactly.

But it is amusing, if not a little infuriating to read all the bollocks.

After all, if she had been interested and he had turned her down, everyone would have been commiserating by now - his loss; dodged a bullet; better off without him; emotionally immature; doesn't deserve you; prick.

If she'd been interested and he'd accepted the beer, but her interest wasn't reciprocated - what an arsehole; leading you on; emotionally immature; stroking his ego cos he knew you were interested; why else does he think you invited him in for a beer? His scintillating company and witty repartee?; happy enough to drink your beer; potential cocklodger; dodged a bullet; better off without him; doesn't deserve you; prick.

And if her hypothetical interest had been reciprocated - brilliant; this approach works every time; mean are so easy; men love to feel needed by a woman...

What a depressing, small- minded and….if I may say so, suburban take on the matter.

I despair! It’s 2025, not 1835.

And yet, many women still do it and its often advised on here as a way to find a way to speak to a man and gauge interest 🤷🏻‍♀️

There have been many such threads over the years.advising exactly that.

That's an egotistical him problem. You did nothing wrong.

Oh well. I'm just going to have to stop speaking to men my age completely.

There have been threads advising offering delivery drivers and postmen a bottle of water; fabricating jobs for a neighbour who is possibly a builder who had caught someone's eye. Often with suggestions to 'write a little note'.

There was a thread last week about a woman who called a neighbour she was interested in about a medical issue and suggestions of vouchers for a meal and a card.

Women playing damsel in distress, amd advising others to do the same, is a tried and tested method whether it offends your 2025 sensibilities or not.

Don't be silly. People engage in these interactions innocently all the time but there's no point in pretending some women don't use them as an 'in' on occasion. And so it's reasonable for a man to politely reject an offer of beer in the house of a woman he doesn't know when he doesn't know her intentions.

I would buy a few ciders and leave them on his doorstep with a note... ‘Just a little thank you drink to enjoy with the Mrs. My girlfriend loves the summer fruits one, hope yours does too!’ 🤣

@AliasGrape

Exactly, it's basically textbook and sounds like something I'd have read in More magazine back in the day.
And it's also well established that men tend to view basic friendliness as sexual interest (#notallmen blah blah) - it's SO common.
Which is why it just reads as fake when people are like 'oh how silly, nobody sensible would ever think that, men and women are platonically inviting each other to stay for a drink all the time, my married male friends are never out of my house drinking beers and my husband is forever going for dinner and drinks with his multiple single friends and it never means anything more and anyone who would interpret it that way is either sex crazed or from the 1950s'. Stop protesting so much it sounds ridiculous - you can want the world to be like that all you like, but we're not quite there yet.
Of course a woman can have a drink with a man and it be entirely platonic and with no other motivation - but very very very often there's something else going on and it's not completely wild for the invitee to think that.

Even if that were all true, he could very easily have said: "no thanks I've got to get going," and just politely left without embarrassing both of them.

Rather than being a complete berk about it and making it all about him and his lovely girlfriend and their saintly boundaries. It just comes across as so sanctimonious.

Just ride it out, OP and behave as though nothing happened - nothing did happen, after all.

Even if it were a come on, so what? You hardly stripped down to your undies and propositioned him, you still wouldn't have behaved in an inappropriate way 😂

It was a neighbourly thing to do, for which you made a kind gesture. He mentioned the girlfriend just in case, so he's a good guy and a kind neighbour.

He could but he didn't have the benefit of a 9 page long MN thread to.enable him to.organise his thoughts and probably just wanted to be succinct, clear and leave no.room for confusion. Maybe he wanted to avoid the OP suggesting ,"Another time then? 😉"

There are a million and one things he could have said. He chose to mention his girlfriend 🤷🏻‍♀️

@GreyCarpet but the decision to mention his girlfriend was a passive aggressive little way of saying: “I’m a hot man, yes, but I have a nice girlfriend who I want to be faithful to. Hold onto your knickers, ladies, this one’s not for sale.”

I have come across so many blokes like this and invariably they want to make a subtle dig about how in demand they are.

Arrogant, presumptuous and sanctimonious all in one prissy little remark.

What’s depressing or small minded or, shock horror, suburban, about it?

What’s an acceptably broad minded and urbane way to signify sexual interest then?

Asking someone for a drink is pretty standard I’d have thought?

And it doesn’t always mean you’re interested - but it can and very often does.

You quite like the look of someone, you find a reason to start a conversation - could be asking a favour, could be commenting on something they’re wearing/ doing, could be asking about what they’re reading etc. That goes well so you test the waters by asking if they want a beer. If they say yes you proceed to judge how that goes and whether you get ‘interested/ available’ signals. If they shut it down completely you can shrug your shoulders and say ‘oh well it was only a friendly beer’ - no harm done and everyone knows where they stand.

Maybe the ubiquity of internet dating has taken over now, but this used to be quite standard stuff.

It doesn’t mean EVERY time you ask for a favour or offer a beer you’re trying to shag the other person, but it’s not completely and wildly out of the bounds of possibility that someone on the receiving end of such an invitation to interpret it that way, or believe that it might be heading in that direction.

Particularly if that person is a man who are statistically more likely to think that women fancy them if they so much as extend a cheery good morning.

But context is everything!

Ask a man at work if he’d like a beer one evening- of course that’s a declaration of interest. But a guy from next door who’s just done a physical task for you for free? Anyone would offer a cuppa or the equivalent.

If this weird folk-belief is true then I’ve unintentionally propositioned a few blokes in my time…oooer, missus!😲

@Meandmyguy Aw, poor men.😪

@ConnieHeart He had it whilst helping. Why? Should I put up a post asking if people think he had other intentions?

Yeah maybe, it would have been less embarrassing I guess if he could have just said ‘ah no thanks, better get back’ or whatever. Saying his girlfriend ‘wouldn’t be happy’ could definitely be seen as saying ‘you definitely fancy me so my girlfriend wouldn’t like it’ - but maybe he just wanted to be 100% clear he wasn’t available just in case? Maybe HE thinks the OP is gorgeous so he was bringing the girlfriend up as much for himself as for the OP. Maybe she’s a controlling harridan who doesn’t let him have female friends. Maybe he’s a cocky twat who assumes every woman wants him. Maybe he’s just a nice guy who blurted out the first thing that came into his head and he’s kicking himself now.

Who cares, the OP says she doesn’t fancy him anyway and she got her furniture moved so all good. I don’t think it’s that mortifying honestly - it’s ok to fancy people so even if he thinks the OP did, let him think it and laugh to yourself about how silly men and their egos are - no need to die of embarrassment!

That's your interpretation.

Alternatively, it wasn't passive-aggressive. It was just unequivocal. If he is attractive (as the OP says), then it's not beyond the realm of possibility that women do flirt with him on occasion.

Maybe he's just adopted a single, one size fits all response which covers every eventuality

I have spoken to men in social situations over the years who have managed to shoe horn their wife into the conversation early on. IIt ight have slightly amused me at the time because I wasn't interested but I appreciated why they were doing it.

Again, a common complaint of women who post on here is that their partner got chatting to a previously unknown woman and didn't mention he had a wife/girlfriend. There are always lot of responses along the lines of, "Why didn't he mention you? Why was he keeping you a secret? He's up.to no good."

Some people are just aware of possible misunderstandings and like to keep things clear.

This is where I'd end up saying unwittingly
oh, does your girlfriend not like you drinking?
leaving him thinking, I think his girlfriend is controlling

It's very different putting food & drink out for him while he's working to inviting him to have it with her after he's finished. You must realise that