To think I have to move from sheer embarrassment?

[Wowwowweewa]

I’m having new blinds fitted tomorrow so I was trying to move furniture but my sofa was too heavy. I knocked on next door and asked the guy there if he would t mind helping me.

He did, I thanked him and when we were done I offered him a beer. His response was- erm I better not, don’t think my girlfriend would be too pleased. I laughed and said something like “don’t worry, it was just a thank you” and he just said “yeah even so, best be off, have a good rest of your evening”

I don’t fancy this man, arguably he is attractive, definitely the goes the gym type but he’s not my type. But I feel so embarrassed now.

Aibu? I think my house will be up for sale and I hope the buyers enjoy the new blinds.

Gosh that wouldn't have occurred to me, it just seems like a friendly gesture after being given some help. Would a cup of tea or a cold drink also seem like a come on?

All he had to say was, "No thanks", and go. I feel sorry for the op who is now embarrassed but I don't think she did anything wrong.

Blimey this has made me think.

Why would you give someone a beer to take home in his pocket? Surely he has a fridge with drinks in it so doesn't need to take OPs drinks home with him. He's moved something heavy, gotten slightly hot and thirsty and the OP has offered him a cold drink. It's a direct response to moving something and getting thirsty. Taking something round as a thank you is a different gesture.

I offered my 70 year old male neighbour and a cup of coffee and few days ago and we sat at the kitchen table and drank it together. Now I'm worried he thinks I was proposing sex. Good thing I didn't serve chocolate fingers with the coffee...

This is fine, really. I don't think it's weird that you offered him a beer. He made it weird by mentioning his girlfriend. He could have just said, "no thanks, I've got to get back" and been on his way.

Only mumsnet could turn it on the man.

What an utterly bizarre reaction to you offering your neighbour a beer as a thank you!!!
Just carry on with your life, with or without blinds!

Unfortunately a lot of men take basic manners and kindness to be a come on.

It speaks volumes about them as they clearly wouldn’t bother with either to a woman unless it led to sex.

Why is it considered odd to offer somebody who has done some work in your home/garden a beer? I often ask tradespeople if they would like a beer as they are nearing the end of the job, e,g, decorator, fencing man. They usually say yes!

Hmmmmmm OP, maybe he secretly fancies YOU, hence going all cagey about your offer! I mean, he thought it, not you...

I honestly think that MN is a parallel world to the one that I live in.
The OP offered the bloke a beer, the bloke was respectful to his girlfriend and how it might look to her and people pile on berating him!
It’s a bit like the other post where a lady was thankful that her partner had rallied round while she was feeling ill and the posters on there berating her and telling her, her bar was low. No, she was just showing her appreciation on what should have been a lovely post. Absolutely bonkers on here!

Did your DH stay and drink the booze & food?

Its a bit of a trope, isn't it? Guy helps with a task, leads to a drink together...
The etiquette would have been to knock later with some beers. Then if he was single and there was mutual attraction he'd invite you to share them. In this case, he'd have said "Oh you shouldn't have, but thanks." and gone in to his GF.

Honestly I think it's him that should be embarrassed 😅 so full of himself that he thinks you're after him! As you were with your head held high!

For what it's worth though, he was the socially clumsy one. If he thought you were hitting on him or didn't want to have to sit and chat with you over a beer, he should have said he had to be off for (reason). Implying you might have designs on him was a real faux pas.

I don’t think either of you acted inappropriately. Offering him a token thank you was nice of you and showed you appreciated his help. Him politely declining as he suspects it may not go down with his girlfriend was also nice of him.

My DP would help a neighbour, and he’d also have merrily accepted the beer and brought it home with him.

It's a token to express your gratitude. Nobody thinks you're going to revolutionise somebody's life forever by offering them a can or two of beer, or a box of chocolates.

It's also something that many people would already have in the house AND is considered as something particularly nice; so a tin of beans would fulfil the former, but not the latter - and a tin of luxury all-butter shortbread in a presentation tartan tin would be a nice gift, but it could be awkward if you have to go out to get one or wait for it to be delivered - when it was just for a spontaneous "Hey, would you have a moment to help me shift my sofa?".

You may as well ask why adults give each other presents for Christmas or birthdays, when they could probably afford to buy the stuff for themselves.

Or indeed why you would bother to ever wish somebody 'Good morning', when you probably can't do anything to dictate whether or not their morning is a good one!

I offered my 70 year old neighbour a glass of bourbon (I know he likes it as he was chatting with my dad about it on my drive previously) when he helped me to fix one of my door handles one evening when DH was away with work (I originally went over to see if he had a particular screw as he's always doing woodwork-y things in his garage, he offered to help). I'm 28, I assume he didn't think I was planning to jump his bones, and I assume that wasn't his first thought either but now I'm questioning myself 😅. It's nice to get to know your neighbours, isn't it? We've invited him and his wife over for dinner since, but that was the first time I'd had the chance to properly chat to him and it was nice!

Would all these people saying it was weird think it was odd if you offered your female neighbour a beer or glass of wine after helping with a task?

I think what he said is in a grey area somewhere between "That's really kind but my girlfriend's cooking for me/waiting for me to come back so we can go out", which I think is a reasonable and subtle way of avoiding misunderstandings and can be worked into most conversations, and "UNHAND ME YOU FILTHY JEZEBEL FOR MY HEART AND BODY ARE SPOKEN FOR", which is annoying when you're just offering someone a beer as a thankyou.

Either way, OP, I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. But I do really want to double down on this: we do not tip our neighbours 😀

I would take it as a compliment. His saddo girlfriend is probably obsessed with every attractive female in the vicinity. If she thought you looked like the BFG she probably wouldnt care. Nothing wrong with looking like the BFG but you know what I mean.

So what if you were flirting with him! Not saying you were just saying there is nothing to feel embarrassed about either way.

Why?

I could say that about my many a male friend/neighbour/colleague.

I'm gay and don't personally find them attractive, but I can tell they are.

His response was embarrassing - he should be mortified that he assumed you were cracking on to him. What a dick.

He must really love himself. I would just assume you meant you'd buy him some beers as a thank you. Don't worry about it.

Agreed. The people saying HE was ridiculous would be saying the opposite if someone posted “my DP helped the new neighbour then stayed over for a beer with her and I’m really uncomfortable about it.”

He came into your home and was kind enough to help, but he established a boundary that he wasn’t going to sit down and have a drink with you. Perfectly reasonable. After you said “I don’t mean it like that” he accepted so, but still maintained his boundary. I think he behaved very gentlemanly and appropriate.

Nothing to be embarrassed about here imo. You asked a favour, he done you a favour, you tried to thank him by offering a beer - which I think is a normal thing to do - and he declined. It's pretty straightforward and doesn't seem like a 'come on' at all. If any male partner I've had had helped someone lift furniture and they gave him a beer I wouldn't have batted an eye.

He didn't need to mention his girlfriend though.

The OP offered him a beer, not a blow job. A "no thanks" would have sufficed, without anyone needing to be embarrassed. It's pretty presumptuous to assume that someone who offers you a beer wants to sleep with you.