To think I have to move from sheer embarrassment?

[Wowwowweewa]

I’m having new blinds fitted tomorrow so I was trying to move furniture but my sofa was too heavy. I knocked on next door and asked the guy there if he would t mind helping me.

He did, I thanked him and when we were done I offered him a beer. His response was- erm I better not, don’t think my girlfriend would be too pleased. I laughed and said something like “don’t worry, it was just a thank you” and he just said “yeah even so, best be off, have a good rest of your evening”

I don’t fancy this man, arguably he is attractive, definitely the goes the gym type but he’s not my type. But I feel so embarrassed now.

Aibu? I think my house will be up for sale and I hope the buyers enjoy the new blinds.

I disagree. It’s a neighbour, not a paid workman. It would be very strange to expect him to have a drink while he’s helping you. It sends a clear message that he’s the help and you want to get him moving as fast as possible after he’s done. A new neighbour is someone you often hope to build a casual friendship with so that if your house goes up in flames they pull out a hose rather than shrug and walk off. If you ask a friend to help you move something then you give them a drink and chat afterwards to show them that you appreciate their time and view them as an equal friend and not the paid help. If I popped past to help a friend with an odd job and she offered me a Coke but then said it was best to take it home and not dawdle in her house then I would think something really weird was happening. A neighbour is a person you give a basic level of time and respect to via a few words of conversation. Encouraging them to say for 10 minutes and drink their cold drink after moving something normal is only polite.

Tbh, if I'd spent less than 5 mins helping my neighbour move a sofa across a room I'd be surprised if they then offered me a drink and tried to engage me in conversation if we weren't actually friends where sharing a drink together was normal.

A thank you would be enough.

His girlfriend might have brought up that he had a drinking problem and wouldn't be pleased if she could smell alcohol on him.

Doesn't want to start another fight about whether he needs to go to his AA meetings again.

This 100%.

It sounds very teenage disco to me. I’m quite shocked at some of the replies here - it’s as though we’re back in some previous era - maybe the 50s….or possibly the Victorian period! The idea that you have to be mindful of sexual matters when offering some bloke from next door a drink after he’s helped you!

OP take no notice. You did NOTHING awkward and he sounds a bit of a tit.

I agree.
But like I said earlier in the thread, MN is like a parallel universe sometimes!

Yes, this'll be it! He knows he's irresistible and you couldn't help it. Forget it! I've done much worse when drunk and had to brazen out the shame

Once again, you're twisting my words. I did already say though that it doesn't necessarily mean the woman wants a shag. Even if i did fancy a bloke that did a job for me, I'd much rather get to know him first anyway. I don't know why so many posters on here go from offering a drink to jumping into bed with them the same day

Sure, plenty of people would prefer to say thanks and walk away. But if a bit of pushing, heading and shoving is involved (with the couch, nothing else) then a drink is really normal! Some people also like to engage their neighbours in polite conversation. It only takes a few minutes to drink a drink and have a very brief words of conversation. I think it’s much stranger to spend two minutes moving a persons couch and then be given a can to take home like a kid with party bag and be rushed out the door! It’s just so strange that people think the girlfriend is right to be wary because the OP is flirting by offering a drink after moving something heavy. I’d be far more concerned for the man and the controlling situation he’s in if he thinks that this is something he isn’t permitted to do.

This! Love himself much?!

I'd not ask a random man and have moved the sofa myself but i am pretty strong

@ConnieHeart Keep going,I think logic might tap out soon.

I'm finally bored of this thread, took a bit longer than usual. We all seem to have our own interpretation of events, and that's great, but I'm all out of fucks.

Can you explain what you mean by that. I gave a detailed response to your comments but just a strange patronising sentence from you like this is far from logical

I've said twice now that just because a woman offers a man a drink in whatever form doesn't mean she wants to jump into bed with him. I've also said that there are circumstances where it might be completely normal to have a drink, and others where it might come across as wanting something a bit more. Not sure which part you're confused by

I could see that I would have offered a beer, whether it was a male of female neighbour, without it crossing my mind that they’d think it meant I fancied them. I’d be offended that he took it as a come on!

Does your husband not have female friends? I would find it completely absurd if my husband snubbed a neighbour out of 'respect' for me. I really think I must live in an area where a) people are much friendlier and b) people drink more alcohol. To me, offering a beer is no different to a cup of tea.

When I had a newborn, a neighbour brought round a gift. We were newly moved in and I'd never spoken to her before. I invited her in, she held the baby and we chatted for 15 minutes. It's just called being friendly. If my husband had taken receipt of the gift, I'd have expected him to do the same. And if it were after about 3pm, he'd certainly offer beer and wine as well as a hot drink!

I’m honestly beginning to wonder if some MNers live by the Mike Pence rule of never being alone with a member of the opposite sex. It’s absurd.

If my male neighbour offered me a beer in the middle of the day for simply moving a piece of furniture I would think it really strange and weird. Had they offered a coffee maybe not. It’s about context.

I have many male friends none of them would suggest a beer alone together in the middle of the afternoon!

£5 ha ha, I don't think he was a 12 year old if she was offering him a beer

You are massively over thinking OP
Just leave it, nought to worry about

So a coffee alone together in the middle of the day is fine but a beer isn’t? scratches head 🤔

My point was it's disrupting their evening-even more so if he stays for a beer and it's a regular occurrence (not just with the OP but potentially with other female neighbours) I thought this was MN where no one needs any help from a man anyway!

They're clearly not very good friends then, certainly not friends you see as equal to your female friends. If a male friend and I were together one Saturday afternoon, perhaps whilst our children were playing together, we'd definitely have a beer if it was what we fancied.

Yes, women are such vicious nutcases, aren't they?

A lot of decent men do this. They aren’t even thinking of whether you fancy them of think they fancy you or not. It’s an automatic reflex. So as not to create any question.

exactly the same as how good men have learned to be around random children. They don’t touch them or be alone with them even if the child is in distress. They seek help. They have no intention of abusing them but they have a built in boundary for self protection.

or how decent men don’t place their hands on you in group photos. See Keanu Reeves as an example.

it’s not about YOU it’s about THEM and their boundaries and creating an honourable detachment. It’s also to safeguard against women and children thinking the opposite and thinking the man is a creep.

Perhaps you are feeling so embarrassed because you did have an ulterior motive?

What he said is quite straightforward and reasonable. Only you know this, but if he said it with tongue in cheek it might even have been a bit funny. But you took it seriously for some reason. In any case what he said is the equivalent of a married man quipping about her indoors.