Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The venue told me off twice now on front of guests AIBU?

308 replies

StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 11:45

There is a venue near my house that we visit regularly. They also host children’s parties in a room upstairs. My child really likes it here and wanted her birthday. No issue. I got a leaflet and said 10 children minimum, I booked and decided to invite 13, to make sure we hit the target room booking number in case a couple couldn’t come.
anyway, went to a different event there and spoke to the owner, (it’s owned by an older woman and her adult daughter, I was speaking to the adult daughter during all interactions so far). She mentioned that due to room size it was best that only
children came and had to be dropped off. The children attending are age 4-5 so I said it wouldn’t be appropriate and that parents would be staying. She said, “I totally understand. I have kids too”. No issue. Ned time I came in the same conversation was repeated.

fast forward to party day, it was on a weekend therefore it was 2 members of staff I had never met. Went up to party room and everyone invited had turned up. It was a slight squeeze but no drama, everyone had a great time. 10
mins in a member of staff working there came up and said loudly
in front of guests, “this is a fire hazard there are too many people in here. We can’t get in to do our job properly”. I asked to speak to her out of the room and away from the guests as it was quite embarrassing! She said she had to ring manager (adult daughter owner). I went back to the party room and a dad awkwardly said he could leave but his daughter would have to come if there were issues. I’m not sure how many others clocked on to this situation. Manager rang and asked to speak to me, she said on the phone that it was more people than recommended but if I was willing to help evacuate during a fire it was fine. All ok. Other weekend member of staff very apologetic but had made things awkward. Dad who offered to leave called her dramatic so he realised her tone. I felt on edge for the rest of the party but everyone seemed to have a great time.

A week later, (this morning) I bobbed in seeing a friend in the window. She had brought her other daughter after the one invited to my party had such a great time. the older woman (other owner) I never met was there, I untraced myself and she told me “OH ARE YOU THE PARTY LADY” and went on to tell me it was horrendous and a fire hazard and too many people were in the room. She said her staff were traumatised with stress and had to be paid extra due to this and the fact they had to stay and clear up after us (where actually I ended up happily hosting the party and completely cleared up. Plus took everything downstairs and boxed things which they would usually have to do). I tried to keep her voice down as the lady behind attended the party and it was awkward. I’ve gone home quite frazzled and stressed. This is somewhere we love
to go. We made it clear on numbers from the start and they were happy
to take our money and book in. What do I do from here? Offer to pay the staff? I’m worried to book again and we really enjoy it here. Thanks in advance x

OP posts:
Hobnobswantshernameback · 29/05/2026 06:50

ZOMBIE THREAD

Moel · 29/05/2026 09:32

Hobnobswantshernameback · 29/05/2026 06:50

ZOMBIE THREAD

Got to love a good zombie! @StressedPartyFail did you go back?!

stichguru · 29/05/2026 11:17

She screwed up massively. Your absolute maximum for fire regs should have been on all the paperwork you signed and in that vein, they should have turned you away or turned some people away when there were to many people. They messed up telling you numbers and failed to make their mess properly known at the time.

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 01/06/2026 00:55

Tamtim · 29/05/2026 06:42

So the same woman who told you the numbers would be fine is the same one replying to your emails? She’s been very unprofessional, they both have. I’m sorry you have been on the receiving end of their rudeness.

Why are you posting on this thread from OCTOBER????

SweetnsourNZ · 01/06/2026 05:43

theemmadilemma · 16/10/2025 11:55

Sounds like a typical small mother and daughter run business where they don't know professional or their arse from their elbow.

Either they know what their fire safety allows and stick to it, or they don't, but it sounds like even they aren't sure what they're supposed to do or how to handle it.

Yes, quick to take money and then blame OP for problems when she was clear that as there were young children as guests they would be accompanied by parents.
And even if OP hadn't cleared up surely this would be done when party was over and room was empty anyway.

SweetnsourNZ · 01/06/2026 05:56

ittakes2 · 16/10/2025 12:17

I’m sorry but if you think yourself described the room ‘was a slight squeeze” and considering the party was for 4-5 year olds so likely kids running around - then there were too many people and likely went over fire and safety room numbers.
the min is not the min you can take - its the min you pay for. So if you invited 9 you would still pay for 10.
I think thought to be fair to you the owners should have said no more than X people in the room at a time that’s what we are insured for sort of thing

Exactly. It's not up to the customer to know their fire regulations.
When OP said there would be parents there they should have been clear on maximum numbers. They actually put OPs safety at risk as well as her guests rather than turn down or adjust booking for her somehow.

SweetnsourNZ · 01/06/2026 06:02

JustOnePersonNotAnOctopus · 16/10/2025 12:41

Are you absolutely sure the flyer said “minimum 10” not “maximum 10” just seems really odd.

But if you’re sure, then yes make a complaint about their behaviour.

They generally have a minimum number to make it financially viable as the room needs to be set up an staff assigned for service and cleaning. It's usually 8-10.

SweetnsourNZ · 01/06/2026 06:09

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 17/10/2025 17:09

I think what's happened here, is that they obviously should only have 15 people, or maybe 20 in that room but instead of telling you that, they've looked at "13 guests" and thought, great no worries. What should have happened is that, when you said parents were staying the owner should have said "I'm so sorry, our max for fire regs is 20 so you'll have to ask some parents to leave or you could reduce the number of party attendees". Instead, she made out it was ok, didn't update her staff, didn't confirm exact numbers with you (probably guessed 1 adult per child), and didn't come up with any other options.
To be fair to the poor staff on the day, they've probably been trained in fire regs, been told over filling the room is a risk to life, and been told they have to provide a great service for parties. It's easier for them to moan about you, rather than moan about their boss (who probably hadn't even told them, or told them it was 26 because 1 parent per child).
Every venue I've ever had a party at has asked for specific names, dietary requirements, number of adults and children. They've messed up not you. Having said that, I'd have replied with absolute exact numbers once I'd got a whiff of them having concerns.
I'd let it go, personally I'd not want a party there again after that, but if you like it just ignore their bad communications and crack on (it'll feel awkward for a bit, and then it'll all fade away). It's just much easier for them all to say you're a bad customer, than to have a family/business partner row about their communication. You won't get very far asking them to change that view!

Surprised there wasn't a capacity limit on the wall like they have in lifts.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page