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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The venue told me off twice now on front of guests AIBU?

297 replies

StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 11:45

There is a venue near my house that we visit regularly. They also host children’s parties in a room upstairs. My child really likes it here and wanted her birthday. No issue. I got a leaflet and said 10 children minimum, I booked and decided to invite 13, to make sure we hit the target room booking number in case a couple couldn’t come.
anyway, went to a different event there and spoke to the owner, (it’s owned by an older woman and her adult daughter, I was speaking to the adult daughter during all interactions so far). She mentioned that due to room size it was best that only
children came and had to be dropped off. The children attending are age 4-5 so I said it wouldn’t be appropriate and that parents would be staying. She said, “I totally understand. I have kids too”. No issue. Ned time I came in the same conversation was repeated.

fast forward to party day, it was on a weekend therefore it was 2 members of staff I had never met. Went up to party room and everyone invited had turned up. It was a slight squeeze but no drama, everyone had a great time. 10
mins in a member of staff working there came up and said loudly
in front of guests, “this is a fire hazard there are too many people in here. We can’t get in to do our job properly”. I asked to speak to her out of the room and away from the guests as it was quite embarrassing! She said she had to ring manager (adult daughter owner). I went back to the party room and a dad awkwardly said he could leave but his daughter would have to come if there were issues. I’m not sure how many others clocked on to this situation. Manager rang and asked to speak to me, she said on the phone that it was more people than recommended but if I was willing to help evacuate during a fire it was fine. All ok. Other weekend member of staff very apologetic but had made things awkward. Dad who offered to leave called her dramatic so he realised her tone. I felt on edge for the rest of the party but everyone seemed to have a great time.

A week later, (this morning) I bobbed in seeing a friend in the window. She had brought her other daughter after the one invited to my party had such a great time. the older woman (other owner) I never met was there, I untraced myself and she told me “OH ARE YOU THE PARTY LADY” and went on to tell me it was horrendous and a fire hazard and too many people were in the room. She said her staff were traumatised with stress and had to be paid extra due to this and the fact they had to stay and clear up after us (where actually I ended up happily hosting the party and completely cleared up. Plus took everything downstairs and boxed things which they would usually have to do). I tried to keep her voice down as the lady behind attended the party and it was awkward. I’ve gone home quite frazzled and stressed. This is somewhere we love
to go. We made it clear on numbers from the start and they were happy
to take our money and book in. What do I do from here? Offer to pay the staff? I’m worried to book again and we really enjoy it here. Thanks in advance x

OP posts:
StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 11:48

My spelling and grammar is shocking in this, typing one handed rocking my baby to sleep sorry!!!
*next
*introduced myself

OP posts:
Wisterical · 16/10/2025 11:49

Don't give it another moment's thought, it's just something that happened, it's over now, move on.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 16/10/2025 11:50

Frankly I would give them an honest review online and never give them another penny of my cash. They sound ridiculous..

ComtesseDeSpair · 16/10/2025 11:51

I’m not surprised they were annoyed with you: for fire safety reasons the room has a maximum capacity, you over-invited and thus it was above capacity. You feeling uncomfortable about having to have this explained to you doesn’t mean that they were wrong to do so.

If you want to keep going to the venue then just accept you shouldn’t have over-invited and wait for it to blow over and it all get forgotten, which it will be.

StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 11:51

Wisterical · 16/10/2025 11:49

Don't give it another moment's thought, it's just something that happened, it's over now, move on.

This is true but I’m worried they are going to bring it up everytime I go in. I’m such a worrier. You’re right, someone once said if you wont worry about it in a years time don’t worry now!

OP posts:
Whyherewego · 16/10/2025 11:51

Don't offer anything. She was unclear and their tone was off. Just put it behind you. Next year if you want to book, the kids are older so less of an issue

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 16/10/2025 11:51

I'd have said, equally loudly, to the person complaining about the numbers, "I cleared this with X in advance and I was told it was fine, is that not on the booking details you've been given?" Not sure why you're so embarrassed tbh. On the clearing up, I would have said, "strange that you've been told that because I cleared up, did x,y,z myself on the day". It sounds as though the owners/managers aren't very good at managing tbh. I wouldn't be offering to pay more.

Octonaut4Life · 16/10/2025 11:52

Of course you don't need to pay, I'd be emailing them on writing to complain about the treatment, tell them they need to make requirements around numbers clearer when booking and ask them to be more professional when dealing with it. It's on them if they're not sufficiently clear in advance.

StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 11:52

ComtesseDeSpair · 16/10/2025 11:51

I’m not surprised they were annoyed with you: for fire safety reasons the room has a maximum capacity, you over-invited and thus it was above capacity. You feeling uncomfortable about having to have this explained to you doesn’t mean that they were wrong to do so.

If you want to keep going to the venue then just accept you shouldn’t have over-invited and wait for it to blow over and it all get forgotten, which it will be.

Edited

But I didn’t know this, they said MINIMUM 10 no maximum. I invited 13, plus parents. They were aware on 3 separate occasions of this. But I understand the fire safety and thankyou for your point

OP posts:
Ohnobackagain · 16/10/2025 11:52

This is on them, they shouldn’t have accepted the booking, or could have cancelled beforehand. Try and move on. Not for you to pay any more, especially after clearing up @StressedPartyFail

StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 11:54

Thankyou,
I have emailed and said it wasn’t appropriate that she repeated all this information to me in the shop after the party. She’s read half an hour ago but hasn’t got back to me

OP posts:
theemmadilemma · 16/10/2025 11:55

Sounds like a typical small mother and daughter run business where they don't know professional or their arse from their elbow.

Either they know what their fire safety allows and stick to it, or they don't, but it sounds like even they aren't sure what they're supposed to do or how to handle it.

ARichtGoodDram · 16/10/2025 11:55

They sound like shit venue owners. If 10 minimum is on their leaflet then they should have a maximum if their maximum is not far over that.

Sounds like they are maximising income with a minimum level that's far too close to the room max capacity.

TheNightingalesStarling · 16/10/2025 11:55

Wete you at any point made aware of a maximum capacity of party guests and supervising adults?

Whole thing seems strange... if minimum is 10, the room should be able to hold that and more? Especially a venue fir children's parties?

Otherwise they need to reduce their minimum

StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 11:56

theemmadilemma · 16/10/2025 11:55

Sounds like a typical small mother and daughter run business where they don't know professional or their arse from their elbow.

Either they know what their fire safety allows and stick to it, or they don't, but it sounds like even they aren't sure what they're supposed to do or how to handle it.

I did think this when they rang,
and after I said twice parents would be staying she said, “yes I understand I have kids” twice. They defintiely knew the parents were staying before the event! I was just so shocked at the older woman in the shop bringing it up and being so harsh

OP posts:
StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 11:57

TheNightingalesStarling · 16/10/2025 11:55

Wete you at any point made aware of a maximum capacity of party guests and supervising adults?

Whole thing seems strange... if minimum is 10, the room should be able to hold that and more? Especially a venue fir children's parties?

Otherwise they need to reduce their minimum

Edited

Never a maximum mentioned, the leaflet just has room hire price and minimum 10 people

OP posts:
chunkybear · 16/10/2025 11:59

I’d suggest they advertise a maximum amount of people allowed in that room so if it’s a children’s party where parents need to stay then someone knows in advance … I think the insurance is an issue as I’ve heard this before in one of my work places

StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 11:59

My email was read 45 mins ago. Once (if) she replies I will update the thread

OP posts:
NotbloodyGivingupYet · 16/10/2025 12:00

Well if it was a bit of a squeeze then the people working that day were right, it was unsafe. The owner/manager is possibly operating illegally because every public room has a maximum limit and it sounds like she's allowed you to break it.
You weren't to know, but it sounds like she just wanted your money. Her staff weren't happy and I don't blame them. And now the owners are trying to blame you for the situation (probably trying to look caring in front of their staff, but being rude to paying customers is a terrible look).
I would never book in there again until I got an apology.

Darragon · 16/10/2025 12:01

StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 11:54

Thankyou,
I have emailed and said it wasn’t appropriate that she repeated all this information to me in the shop after the party. She’s read half an hour ago but hasn’t got back to me

But why? Why would you take any action at all here? She’s full of crap about cleaning up after you, paying overtime etc and over the course of this thread you’ve gone from wanting to offer more money to emailing a complaint! Breathe. This didn’t need following up like this. Know when to take no action and move on with life.
The only decision you had to make here was whether to go back or not. Now you’ve burnt that bridge. Why are you expecting an unprofessional woman to say/do something professional in response to unwanted feedback?

ReceiveIt · 16/10/2025 12:02

Wisterical · 16/10/2025 11:49

Don't give it another moment's thought, it's just something that happened, it's over now, move on.

I never understand why people post this. We need to talk over issues to air them out and get over them. However small and trivial it may seem to others, if it bothers the person it happened to they need to talk it out to move on.

Darragon · 16/10/2025 12:04

StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 11:59

My email was read 45 mins ago. Once (if) she replies I will update the thread

Why on earth are you using read receipts on personal emails? Or any for that matter? They don’t prove someone read it, they prove someone clicked a popup to make it go away before getting to see the message that the inbox might have defaulted to while they were actually trying to get to another message to deal with! And god knows what they do for the many people not using outlook. Are you actually ok?!

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 16/10/2025 12:04

Staff were traumatised 😅
I don't know how you didn't laugh in her face. And I believe she paid them extra as much as I believe Bill Clinton did not have sexual relations with that woman.

InAHammock · 16/10/2025 12:05

ReceiveIt · 16/10/2025 12:02

I never understand why people post this. We need to talk over issues to air them out and get over them. However small and trivial it may seem to others, if it bothers the person it happened to they need to talk it out to move on.

Well, or to be told it’s something most other people wouldn’t give a second thought to, so they have permission to move on from it.

StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 12:06

Darragon · 16/10/2025 12:04

Why on earth are you using read receipts on personal emails? Or any for that matter? They don’t prove someone read it, they prove someone clicked a popup to make it go away before getting to see the message that the inbox might have defaulted to while they were actually trying to get to another message to deal with! And god knows what they do for the many people not using outlook. Are you actually ok?!

I put email but it was a different method of contact. I don’t put everything exact on here for a small amount of change in description. I don’t use read receipts on email but if people do that’s ok and I hope they are ok? I presume so. Are you ok 😂

OP posts:
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