The venue told me off twice now on front of guests AIBU?

[StressedPartyFail]

There is a venue near my house that we visit regularly. They also host children’s parties in a room upstairs. My child really likes it here and wanted her birthday. No issue. I got a leaflet and said 10 children minimum, I booked and decided to invite 13, to make sure we hit the target room booking number in case a couple couldn’t come.
anyway, went to a different event there and spoke to the owner, (it’s owned by an older woman and her adult daughter, I was speaking to the adult daughter during all interactions so far). She mentioned that due to room size it was best that only
children came and had to be dropped off. The children attending are age 4-5 so I said it wouldn’t be appropriate and that parents would be staying. She said, “I totally understand. I have kids too”. No issue. Ned time I came in the same conversation was repeated.

fast forward to party day, it was on a weekend therefore it was 2 members of staff I had never met. Went up to party room and everyone invited had turned up. It was a slight squeeze but no drama, everyone had a great time. 10
mins in a member of staff working there came up and said loudly
in front of guests, “this is a fire hazard there are too many people in here. We can’t get in to do our job properly”. I asked to speak to her out of the room and away from the guests as it was quite embarrassing! She said she had to ring manager (adult daughter owner). I went back to the party room and a dad awkwardly said he could leave but his daughter would have to come if there were issues. I’m not sure how many others clocked on to this situation. Manager rang and asked to speak to me, she said on the phone that it was more people than recommended but if I was willing to help evacuate during a fire it was fine. All ok. Other weekend member of staff very apologetic but had made things awkward. Dad who offered to leave called her dramatic so he realised her tone. I felt on edge for the rest of the party but everyone seemed to have a great time.

A week later, (this morning) I bobbed in seeing a friend in the window. She had brought her other daughter after the one invited to my party had such a great time. the older woman (other owner) I never met was there, I untraced myself and she told me “OH ARE YOU THE PARTY LADY” and went on to tell me it was horrendous and a fire hazard and too many people were in the room. She said her staff were traumatised with stress and had to be paid extra due to this and the fact they had to stay and clear up after us (where actually I ended up happily hosting the party and completely cleared up. Plus took everything downstairs and boxed things which they would usually have to do). I tried to keep her voice down as the lady behind attended the party and it was awkward. I’ve gone home quite frazzled and stressed. This is somewhere we love
to go. We made it clear on numbers from the start and they were happy
to take our money and book in. What do I do from here? Offer to pay the staff? I’m worried to book again and we really enjoy it here. Thanks in advance x

How did she over invite? The venue wanted a minimum of 10 children. She told them parents would be staying.

We don't actually know they were. We have one cleaners word for it, whose upset they can't go home on time.

We don't know the room size or maximum capacity - but we do know that neither owner has provided this on both occasions it was discussed and they took the money. So no, it's not the owner who should be upset!!

How on earth can the OP be blamed for going over a limit she wasn't aware of? She's told them 13 kids and she's told them a parent will stay. Thats at least 26 people. If that was over their limit, they should actually say so!!!!

I think what's happened here, is that they obviously should only have 15 people, or maybe 20 in that room but instead of telling you that, they've looked at "13 guests" and thought, great no worries. What should have happened is that, when you said parents were staying the owner should have said "I'm so sorry, our max for fire regs is 20 so you'll have to ask some parents to leave or you could reduce the number of party attendees". Instead, she made out it was ok, didn't update her staff, didn't confirm exact numbers with you (probably guessed 1 adult per child), and didn't come up with any other options.
To be fair to the poor staff on the day, they've probably been trained in fire regs, been told over filling the room is a risk to life, and been told they have to provide a great service for parties. It's easier for them to moan about you, rather than moan about their boss (who probably hadn't even told them, or told them it was 26 because 1 parent per child).
Every venue I've ever had a party at has asked for specific names, dietary requirements, number of adults and children. They've messed up not you. Having said that, I'd have replied with absolute exact numbers once I'd got a whiff of them having concerns.
I'd let it go, personally I'd not want a party there again after that, but if you like it just ignore their bad communications and crack on (it'll feel awkward for a bit, and then it'll all fade away). It's just much easier for them all to say you're a bad customer, than to have a family/business partner row about their communication. You won't get very far asking them to change that view!

Most venues give the maximum amount of people (big or small) in party contracts.

If you stuck to that, then no problem. 👍

Some of the replies here are baffling.
SHE DIDNT INVITE MORE PEOPLE!

They wanted a MINIMUM of 10 children - she met their requirement with 13. She TOLD them a parent would stay.

OP has done absolutely NOTHING wrong and I’m absolutely amazed anyone would go to this pls e if that’s how they treat people.

The venue are completely in the wrong because they should've made the maximum numbers crystal clear on the booking form.

Fire safety numbers being being breached could see the venue closed down, and of course in a fire it can have horrific consequences.

But it's on them to make it clear on the booking form.

I'd never go back tbh. It sounds awful! They decided to allow the party, it's on them!

Was it a Paint Your Own Pottery 'venue', OP?

Honestly they just sound really unprofessional. Thought it would be a nice mum and daughter little business to operate and are flying by the seat of their pants! Clearly fire safety maximums are important and they could invalidate their insurance or even license to operate with the public (do you need a license to run a DIY pottery cafe??) but that's their concern, not yours. You made it very clear to one of the owners that parents would be present and you presumably made it clear how many children were coming. They should have been clear on the hard maximum numbers and told you either you had to invite fewer (while paying for their 10 child minimum which is fair enough) or just cancel.

I think given the fact she repeated it again tells me she really wanted to let u know the maximum numbers that were allowed.

I wouldn't offer to pay anything she was probably just laying the guilt trip on thick. I also wouldn't book the venue again until the kids are at an age thst they don't need parents there. If a parent isn't allowed to stay u can stipulate that on the invitation next time so there's no awkwardness.

honestly OP, I think your communication on this thread as been a bit difficult to understand. I appreciate you were juggling your kids, but I could totally envision the lack of clarity causing issues with the venue if you took the same approach.

EG during the organisation, I’d have clarified the limits and exact numbers. You broadly say minimum 10, you invited 13 & parents and thought that was fine. But could that have ended up with 13 kids and 13 adults present, so at least 26? Cause going from 10 minimum children to 26 total guests is a fairly large jump, where I could imagine the unclear communication leading to crossed wires & mixed messages.

Personally I would have done as you have and complained to the business about the loud, unprofessional reprimands. But I also wouldn’t expect anything professional to come from an unprofessional mother-daughter duo. I’d be prepared for them to ask me not to return & to end the business/customer relationship. They have no need to continue having you as a patron after all, they’re not a public company that you’re compelled to use.

Not the way to treat a paying customer and appalling customer service. Personally, I would’ve informed her that you had already cleared this with the younger Manager. I wouldn’t be giving them my further custom and money for any other function and I don’t think you should give them another thought.

Why give them your continuing custom? They seem rude and money grabbing to me.

And extremely unprofessional.

Useful response 🙄

I think you're only unreasonable for wanting to go back after that treatment. You were upfront from the start and they were very rude to not take you to one side to discuss any issues discreetly.
Definitely don't offer to pay the staff! That's on them. Why pay more for bad treatment? I think they need to be made aware of how unprofessional they were actually.

If you had read the post the op talked to the owners and they were ok with everything! It was the bloody minded helpers who did the stirring!
& by all accounts lied to get more wages!

“…No issue. I got a leaflet and said 10 children minimum, I booked and decided to invite 13, to make sure…”

You need to practise your comprehension here methinks.

What guidelines do you claim OP ignored? She wasn't given them any limit, she told them how many people would be coming, she was told it would be OK. How is she responsible?

Forget it, they were just being awkward. Though I find the fact that parents now stay with DC for a birthday party pretty weird. I have hosted (many years ago) 15 to 20 3-year-olds basically alone apart from slight help from ex-DH, in my house and it was fine. Why do parents have to stay? I always loved birthday invites - I got some time to myself!

I think this is an example of why parents shouldn't generally come with kids and stay at parties. With 13 four and five year olds you'd need about four adults to manage the group. No need to double the numbers in the room.

I'm of the '80/'90s view that young children's parties are childcare swaps for 2 - 2.5 hours of weekend afternoon and generally people should take advantage of it as free time.

It's entirely possible the person saying 'I understand' re parents wanting to stay was meaning 'I know some parents will stay whatever you say to them, whilst expecting most to not come'.

It's their business and their insurance, therefore their responsibility to clearly tell people the maximum room capacity. Not to skirt around with 'it'll be a bit tight', but to have a clear process with clearly communicated minimum paid for places and maximum capacity. None of this is up to you to seek out or attempt to interpret, from their mis-communication.

Why? 🤔

It's entirely possible the person saying 'I understand' re parents wanting to stay was meaning 'I know some parents will stay whatever you say to them, whilst expecting most to not come'.

But this is bollocks when you're running a business.

They need to be compliant with fire safety regulations and therefore the booking form should state the maximum amount allowed.

No ifs, no buts, no maybes.

Fire regulation compliance is not optional.

I’m sure it’s 1 adult to 4 children of that age ,