Omg... What is it with the people that comment on these posts, why do people add in elememts to someones post, that are not there, or is it that people do not read them properly.
Why is the OP repeatedly having to read along the lines of "I'm not surprised they were annoyed you went against their policy"
SHE DID NOT GO AGAINST ANY POLICY.
Where does she say that they told her before the event that it was to many people & she decided to rebel & go against it?
Should such a policy exist, knowing after the fact, is not going against the policy, she would need knowledge prior to the event being booked & it should be on the small print, that is signed & agreed to.
Then daughter owner, says it's ok or is she wishes they sell the kits for her to go elsewhere? AND THAT IS SOMEHOW THE OPs FAULT, the OP should have taken that as her prompt of we don't want you to have the party HERE?... NO, How ridiculous!
A proffesional business owner does not "subtly hint" a proffesional business owner should simply explain their policies as they are, that they aren't insured for those numbers due to it being a fire risk, so they can not host for those numbers. Any person that feels that they have to read between the lines of what an owner is meaning, or feels they need to pick up on subtle hints, well that's a cue to go elsewhere with your business, because that is concerning & is not how a proffesional business should be run at all, especially at something that could be a risk of loss of life.
Then what's with all the crap because she saw that a message had been read, so every one of you on WhatsApp, messenger & all the other similar platforms are all set to never show when you are online, so you can't see if the other person has received & read your message, do you close your eyes so you can't see when the ticks turn blue, Or is it just in this type of situation that it's not right/odd, that a person has a notification of when a message has been seen by the recipient?
For the OP, now....
I think many will think the same as you, when booking a place for a party that if the venue can only hold such a small amount of people that it would specify the amount, particularly when it's where very young children would have parties & as is often the case in the younger years, a parent will usually remain on site.
The owners in this case have acted unprofessional on multiple levels. First not having clear terms & conditions, this they need advising to put in place, next is a problem with the owners not communicating with each other & their staff. The staff working these, should know before the event the numbers, this is part of the planning on what they are expected to do on the day, the daughter should have relayed this to her mum & the working staff. It is highly unprofessional to speak to you in front of any of the children or parents, they should have asked quietly to have a word, at this point it is a little to late down the line for them to declare there are to many people, that would put you in one hell of a position, emotionally & morally. Would you say to them, you knew the numbers & went ahead with the booking so I'm doing nothing or do you start telling parents they have to leave, risking them taking their children & then there is no one left at the party, so many tears. Also it would seem there is some type of culture around dishonesty in this small family business, someone somewhere, is intentionally lying, be it the staff making out how traumatised they were & how hard it was for them to do their jobs, because it was crowded, when it was infact youreslf that coordinated & cleared up, or the owner herself is just saying these things to add some sort of clout to her statement to you. Personally if my employees in a place that is meant for children got traumatised over a room being snug, then I'd be telling them they might want to work in a different industry because where there is kids, there is injury, small & big, kid arguments, parent arguments, toilet explosions, kids being sick, the list of trauma is endless ;)
What I do want to tell you though is please dont get embarrassed about things like this. Reading this it comes across that you may be quite a sensitive person, that maybe you don't like/avoid confrontation, I expect you over think quite a lot - I'd take a bet there is something that happened five years ago that most would not even give a second thought but you still think back to it, maybe still makes you a little anxious when you think about it, like knocking a cup of tea over someone in a cafe, or someone misunderstanding something you said, that upset/angered them & yet you still feel somehow it's something you did wrong, or you're still embarrassed about falling over in front of the group of strangers at the bus stop.
Not one person would have thought anything about what they said to you, in the way you think, the friend you saw there that day, when you was told again, would not have thought anything of it, had you spoke up. That would have been the ideal time to speak up, it's important you voice confidently what you was told, that it was a lie them struggling to work because you did it yourself.
Myself I would said all of that & I would have asked to see a copy of the public liability insurance, and their fire risk assessment (the documented occupancy limit if broken impacts the insurance validity) stating that either A. They have lied & the maximum number of guests was not exceeded, or B. They took a booking knowing it would exceed this number & were willing to put people at risk to make money, either way this is their failure as a business & not the customers. You could probably work out a rough estimate as to what their capacity is, should you wish.
Many probably like myself would have been very confident speaking out immediately, making it very clear where their faults lay & our feelings on it & then wouldn't give it another thought after that day. It's easy to say just forget, it's using up to much of your head space, but no one is you, so deal with it in the way that makes you feel ok with it, hopefully you can just forget about it, hopefully it will be that it loses steam & you can revisit there any time & not feel awkward or uncomfortable.