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AIBU?

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Original poster

Never having sex again

466 replies

user043857398 · 21/09/2025 08:29

What age were you when you realised you never wanted to be touched by a man again and saw absolutely no value in a man choosing to be with you long-term?

I'm probably quite young to have come to this conclusion and the knowledge that I'll never have a romantic connection again fills me with joy.

Friends, my children, my home, my future all take my headspace up and it's such a beautiful contrast to spending my youth chasing men and hoping they would 'choose me'. It must all have been due to societal programming. I look back and realise I was always happier when I was single and not interested in someone romantically.

OP posts:
Mapletree1985 · 21/09/2025 10:39

user043857398 · 21/09/2025 08:29

What age were you when you realised you never wanted to be touched by a man again and saw absolutely no value in a man choosing to be with you long-term?

I'm probably quite young to have come to this conclusion and the knowledge that I'll never have a romantic connection again fills me with joy.

Friends, my children, my home, my future all take my headspace up and it's such a beautiful contrast to spending my youth chasing men and hoping they would 'choose me'. It must all have been due to societal programming. I look back and realise I was always happier when I was single and not interested in someone romantically.

47 . When my husband and I separated.

It's just not worth it.

Horsie · 21/09/2025 10:40

In my early fifties, divorced after terrible marriage that truly broke my heart. I definitely want sex, but I never want to marry or live with anyone again. I'd like a dating relationship, but I don't want anything too serious. I'd rather fill my life with community instead of the bedrock of my world being a relationship. Once you've experienced the underbelly of a committed relationship, it's really hard to feel the same way about commitment again.

Mapletree1985 · 21/09/2025 10:41

Outside9 · 21/09/2025 10:23

Usually when people try to convince you they're happy its because deep down they're not.

No, usually it's because they're doing something outside the norm and nobody believes they're actually happy living that way.

slashlover · 21/09/2025 10:42

Ankleblisters · 21/09/2025 10:15

I was 19 when I was sure. I suspected before that. Now that asexuality is actually a known thing I know I'm not weird.

Same. I originally thought I was a late bloomer, but it never kicked in. I learned about asexuality in my mid 20s and it was a revelation.

Dodie66 · 21/09/2025 10:43

74 and still enjoying it 🙂🙂

AmusedOpalShaker · 21/09/2025 10:43

I’m 34. I have my Daughter, single Mum and I just have zero interest in all of it now, to be honest, I was never swinging from the chandeliers anyways.

Flirting, kissing, nookie, having some irritant in my space 24/7… not for me.

But that’s my choice, my decision so there we have it :)

I wish everyone fantastic sexy times and cuddles if that’s what they’re after ❤️

slashlover · 21/09/2025 10:44

Outside9 · 21/09/2025 10:23

Usually when people try to convince you they're happy its because deep down they're not.

Or because other people insists that you can't possibly actually be happy and must be miserable deep down. I'm 48 and still get the "you just haven't found the right person" nonsense.

Idontknowhatnametochoose · 21/09/2025 10:46

Are we talking just sex or relationships?

I'm 46 and don't want a relationship again..I'm happy alone and am not built for coupledom. I love my own space and cant imagine sharing it.

I'm not sure about sex though. Not bothered currently due to my health but it's possible I'd be up for no strings intimacy if the opportunity arose later on. I haven't written it off or made any definite decisions.

GuevarasBeret · 21/09/2025 10:46

Not yet.

When I separated 3 years ago from nasty ex, he had long since killed any desire (with him anyway). But about a year after he left I was pleased for “stirrings” to return.

I’m mid fifties.

cookiemon666 · 21/09/2025 10:47

I'm 51, have been a single mum since 2016. Not dated. I would like someone, but they would have to be very, very special

Original poster
user043857398 · 21/09/2025 10:48

Mapletree1985 · 21/09/2025 10:39

47 . When my husband and I separated.

It's just not worth it.

Show quote history

I'm so happy about it. I love being single.

OP posts:
Original poster
user043857398 · 21/09/2025 10:50

Horsie · 21/09/2025 10:40

In my early fifties, divorced after terrible marriage that truly broke my heart. I definitely want sex, but I never want to marry or live with anyone again. I'd like a dating relationship, but I don't want anything too serious. I'd rather fill my life with community instead of the bedrock of my world being a relationship. Once you've experienced the underbelly of a committed relationship, it's really hard to feel the same way about commitment again.

I don't even want a nice relationship. I don't want someone asking where I am or what I'm doing. I don't want to consider anyone but my children for holidays or home decor. I love being autonomous and never felt autonomous in a relationship, even a good one, becuase there is still obligation to someone else in every single decision.

OP posts:
fastingforweightloss · 21/09/2025 10:50

I'm 56 and don't feel this yet. I miss sex a lot.

shame DH has ED so we rarely have sex

Herwiththeponytail · 21/09/2025 10:50

Not yet.

I'm 70 and still want sex. It doesn't happen much because we're both tired by bedtime and just want to go to sleep (really need to reschedule it for day time.)

I think you are describing yourself as someone asexual @user043857398 which is perfectly fine.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 21/09/2025 10:51

Late 30s, about 10 years ago. I went along with it for a couple of years after having my last child but my heart wasn't in it. Partner had an affair and left which was a relief. We co-parent very well, there's no animosity. I'm now very happily celibate and have no attraction to men at all or any sex drive. I'm not menopausal yet so can't blame that.

Its definitely nothing to do with not finding the right partner. I've had plenty of different experiences in my life but the thought of any sort of intimacy repulses me these days. As does sharing my home with a man. I can't describe how horrendous the thought of being in a relationship is to me. I honestly think that my hormones did the trick by giving me 2 healthy kids and then switched off.

Original poster
user043857398 · 21/09/2025 10:51

Idontknowhatnametochoose · 21/09/2025 10:46

Are we talking just sex or relationships?

I'm 46 and don't want a relationship again..I'm happy alone and am not built for coupledom. I love my own space and cant imagine sharing it.

I'm not sure about sex though. Not bothered currently due to my health but it's possible I'd be up for no strings intimacy if the opportunity arose later on. I haven't written it off or made any definite decisions.

For me it's both because I only enjoy sex when "love" is involved. So since I don't want to be in love I also don't have a desire for sex. I genuinely believe I will never partake again and it's strange because it was a huge part of my life before. Both romance and sex. I saw being chosen by a man as an accolade too but now I genuinely see it as an insult.

OP posts:
AnotherCMSquery · 21/09/2025 10:52

Currently going through divorce…I CBA with a new partner but hope to have sex again!

Original poster
user043857398 · 21/09/2025 10:52

KickHimInTheCrotch · 21/09/2025 10:51

Late 30s, about 10 years ago. I went along with it for a couple of years after having my last child but my heart wasn't in it. Partner had an affair and left which was a relief. We co-parent very well, there's no animosity. I'm now very happily celibate and have no attraction to men at all or any sex drive. I'm not menopausal yet so can't blame that.

Its definitely nothing to do with not finding the right partner. I've had plenty of different experiences in my life but the thought of any sort of intimacy repulses me these days. As does sharing my home with a man. I can't describe how horrendous the thought of being in a relationship is to me. I honestly think that my hormones did the trick by giving me 2 healthy kids and then switched off.

You don't have to describe it. I'm right there with you and also have two kids and love a life of single parenthood and total autonomy.

OP posts:
PearlCluches · 21/09/2025 10:52

user043857398 · 21/09/2025 10:50

I don't even want a nice relationship. I don't want someone asking where I am or what I'm doing. I don't want to consider anyone but my children for holidays or home decor. I love being autonomous and never felt autonomous in a relationship, even a good one, becuase there is still obligation to someone else in every single decision.

Show quote history

Surely your children were worth being with someone at one time?

Herwiththeponytail · 21/09/2025 10:53

I don't even want a nice relationship. I don't want someone asking where I am or what I'm doing. I don't want to consider anyone but my children for holidays or home decor. I love being autonomous and never felt autonomous in a relationship, even a good one, becuase there is still obligation to someone else in every single decision.

What you describe here is that you are unwilling to compromise with your own wants.

Have you never had a happy relationship with anyone?

That's fine.

But don't ignore the fact that when you are older you might want someone to bring you a cup of tea when you're ill, be a companion and a good friend.

You can't rely on your children- they might relocate to the other side of the world.

Dery · 21/09/2025 10:53

If anything, my libido has gone up
since menopause. I’m 56 now. I value sexual intimacy and have no wish for it to end.

But i completely see that it’s not for everyone and it sounds like it’s a big relief for you to have made this realisation.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 21/09/2025 10:53

user043857398 · 21/09/2025 10:50

I don't even want a nice relationship. I don't want someone asking where I am or what I'm doing. I don't want to consider anyone but my children for holidays or home decor. I love being autonomous and never felt autonomous in a relationship, even a good one, becuase there is still obligation to someone else in every single decision.

Show quote history

100% agree with this.

ThisIsALow25 · 21/09/2025 10:54

Not yet for me and I'm mid 40s.

I think your circumstances and relationship history plays a huge part in this. My circumstances right now don't really allow for an all-in relationship. It's also not really something I'm interested in, clearly, otherwise I'd be deprioritising other things and getting myself into one. I have had some great FWB relationships, though, so I've never felt like giving up completely on sex, even if I don't want a full relationship.

I expect when my circumstances change again, my feelings on both sex and relationships will likely change.

MondeoFan · 21/09/2025 10:54

I’m 53 and still very much want to have sex with men. BUT I want it with cuddling, affection AND being in a relationship. Unfortunately the men I meet only seem to want to have sex and are not the relationship type. I’m still holding out hope and thinking of joining a paid dating site

Horsie · 21/09/2025 10:54

user043857398 · 21/09/2025 10:50

I don't even want a nice relationship. I don't want someone asking where I am or what I'm doing. I don't want to consider anyone but my children for holidays or home decor. I love being autonomous and never felt autonomous in a relationship, even a good one, becuase there is still obligation to someone else in every single decision.

Show quote history

Yeah, I don't want those things either. I'd like only a casual relationship, so they wouldn't be asking me where I am etc.

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