Never having sex again

[user043857398]

What age were you when you realised you never wanted to be touched by a man again and saw absolutely no value in a man choosing to be with you long-term?

I'm probably quite young to have come to this conclusion and the knowledge that I'll never have a romantic connection again fills me with joy.

Friends, my children, my home, my future all take my headspace up and it's such a beautiful contrast to spending my youth chasing men and hoping they would 'choose me'. It must all have been due to societal programming. I look back and realise I was always happier when I was single and not interested in someone romantically.

here asexuality means disappointed straight women.

But lots of things can impact sex drive. Mine has nosedived in perimenopuase and at the moment due to another issue I can’t have HRT.
So there is no fix for that. I used to have a good sex drive and have had plenty of good sex in my life. But I don’t miss it at all at the moment. So yes it is just like losing a sense but what do you expect me to do about it??

I also don’t think men should be completely blamed for bad sex. Too many women don’t actually speak up and say what they like and expect them to be mind readers. If I don’t enjoy what a partner is doing I show/tell them what I like. Too many women seem to just lie there and say nothing. I’ve never had bad sex with someone because I have intervened if I wasn’t enjoying it. I can’t quite fathom being that passive.

I’ve never been with a bad lover.

Still no interest.

It doesn’t seem that weird to me that a lot of women lose interest at menopause. They don’t need a sex drive anymore. 100’s of years ago they would be dead. As would the men. Isn’t this natures way of ensuring that enough younger women get pregnant?

Yeah I'm not doubting your experience, I'm just saying that the pleasure I've had in my life from sex (and food, and music) has been incredible, to the extent that if I lost that sense I'd be quite distressed. Not relieved.

I do agree re: communication being key to good sex. The worst sex I've had was when I was younger and just lay there expecting chemistry to happen magically. The minute I actually spoke up and told men to do that, not that, for the love of god slow down, let me take charge etc - it all improved exponentially.

And when actually finding a partner, sexual compatibility was key. A lot of "incompatible" sex isn't their fault or your fault, you just don't get off on the same things and that's OK. But a lot of women seem to marry them anyway?!

I really don't take evolutionary arguments seriously, sorry. As a child-free woman who's never felt the urge to reproduce, whenever I see someone say "it's nature's way" or "you can't fight your biology" it feels like being called an unnatural deviant.

And clearly on this thread there are plenty of women who enjoy sex into their 50s and beyond so even if there's a bit of a link to the menopause it's not exactly a hard and fast rule.

But that’s your issue.

Biology and evolution has been around for millions of years. And the main object then was to produce enough children. There was no choice. So what you feel doesn’t really wipe out millions of years of evolution.

I was 25 - Happily sex free, and the thought of it makes me want to puke.
It was ok i guess, but tbh i didnt find it particularly mind blowing, or particularly fun - and now the though of a mans dick is repulsive.

Im still attracted to men, still flirt if i like someone, but dead from the waist down and happily so!

I wonder if some of the women on here who lost their interest early on might actually be gay

@MischiefandMayhemManaged

would you consider sex with a woman? Trying that?

Millions of years ago is irrelevant. Hundreds of years ago is irrelevant. Twenty years ago is irrelevant! Humans have continued to evolve according to the society they find themselves in and the medical/scientific developments they have access to.

Women may not have had a choice other than to get pregnant 1000 years ago but that doesn't necessarily correlate with their desires.

And what this has to do with wanting sex or not in your 50s beats me. It's clearly an individual thing which is different from woman to woman so it's OK to just say "I, personally, no longer have a sex drive" rather than trying to claim it's some sort of evolutionary rule that curiously doesn't even apply to half the women in this thread.

No it isn’t. Evolution takes millions of years.

We’ve only had choices properly about contraception for about 60 or so years.

Haha, no, women do nothing for me! I had my "experimental phase" at uni... not for me, did nothing for me - just felt weird! no desire to go near someone elses vagina!

I think you haven't quite got the science on evolution down pat, particularly as it pertains to social characteristics rather than physical ones.

Animals can adapt to changing environments very, very quickly.

Why is it baffling that people are not fussed by no longer doing something they no longer have an interest in?

Nah, it means disinterested straight women. Nothing disappointing about not being tied to a man. It's a preferential life choice.

Been there. Done that. Don't want sex with an innie or an outie. No sex is just that. No sex.

I think there's a difference between low sex drive and asexual.
You can have a low sex drive and still want to be in a romantic relationship and enjoy sex (with a man) whenever it does happen. It's just that you can live without it for longer and maybe initiate less than others would.

I've been through periods like that after having my son/breastfeeding and taking hormonal contraception which lowered my libido. It can be more complicated for women and not because you don't want a man or a relationship.

Yes ❤️ live south of U.K. ..

I’m fucking disappointed

I too am amazed how many women on MN say they hate sex and don't know anyone who says this irl

Obviously it's possible to have amazing sex with someone you don't love (or even like).

But you do need to at least find them physically attractive/appealing (well I do).

Red flags can make the most attractive looking man ugly in my eyes now, I just wish I’d had the same mindset when younger. I don’t hate sex per se (used to like it a lot) but I can’t see a time now where I would ever want to get that close to a man again. Putting my trust in men hasn’t been my wisest move, I would have been better off financially and mentally if I had let my head rule my heart. Which it does now, and my head says no thank you.

lts easier to say on an anonymous board.

I have good close friends who would tell me for sure. Some have gone off sex with their partners but that's different.

I think its also it’s easy to underestimate the number of women who have stayed with husbands and partners post finding out something about them that was a big turn off ‘for them’ - be it gambling, cheating, frequent porn use, semi alcoholics , domestically inept , mean or even the opposite profligate spenders etc - and it’s not always the most obvious men or something that was apparent early in the relationship - thing is people stay for all kinds of reasons , upsetting elderly parents, financial, upsetting kids still at home, lack of anywhere to go or income/assets to make that possible. You might stay for what seem logical reasons, but your body just kinds of ‘switches off’ - I’ve been in this position, as have quite a few women I know from 40s upwards- it’s easy to say life’s too short or just move on - it really isn’t that simple for many, especially in a country that simply doesn’t have a load of good social housing and expensive private rented housing in many parts of the country that simply isn’t affordable -

I have close friends too. Several have told me they have no interest.