Never having sex again

[user043857398]

What age were you when you realised you never wanted to be touched by a man again and saw absolutely no value in a man choosing to be with you long-term?

I'm probably quite young to have come to this conclusion and the knowledge that I'll never have a romantic connection again fills me with joy.

Friends, my children, my home, my future all take my headspace up and it's such a beautiful contrast to spending my youth chasing men and hoping they would 'choose me'. It must all have been due to societal programming. I look back and realise I was always happier when I was single and not interested in someone romantically.

Out of 1100 people 71% agree with you OP. Isn’t that a revelation!

Interesting to know. I'm 55 and been off it for a couple of years. Pretending to like it for my poor husband . I do hope I regain my sex drive .

I would like to have a bull terrier instead.

My case is quite interesting....both men and women think I am very sexy, not sure why, massive interesting green eyes with some dangerous sparkle. However, I am very old fashioned and sleep only with my husband or obviously the one before him, who was a partner. I literally have had men chasing me thinking I am a lousy woman or a woman who just wants it....I have big boobs, nice face but not tall, slim etc.....and always wear very Puritan clothes. Lesbians think I am lesbian also just because sex oozes out of me, though again, I am extremely old fashioned and the idea of lesbian sex makes me vomit. The idea of porn also makes me vomit and I regard people like watching honestly as classed as pedos and pervs....this is how anti sexual I really am in terms of modern day understanding of the sex.

what I found is that I might like a man but when it comes to the bed, they either do not kiss well, or do not have the right size penis or like my husband, all is fine with him but his beard is razor sharp and I have stopped kissing him the French way and that almost killed it, because for me French kiss is part of sexual life

if my husband goes before me, I don't think I will put any effort into dating, looks, slim figure or etc.

I have not had sex for over 6 years due to being in a loveless partnership. I missed it so much at first, but now I literally couldn’t care less and the thought of starting a new relationship with a man fills me with dread. I don’t find women attractive so I think that’s it for me. I am 51.

I'm 48, I still enjoy sex often and feel loved up with my DH who I have been with for 30 years now. I suppose I've been very lucky in love compared to many women.

I’m content enough in my sexless life but also kind of sad that that’s probably it. For one reason and another I had an absolutely shit sex life - or were my expectations simply far too high - and I feel that underneath it all I was a very sexual and sensual woman who never got to actualise myself through sex. I even feel now there’s an element of stunted development. It’s hard to meet the right man when you’ve come from a difficult childhood… but then, don’t so many of us have a difficult childhood, and I think others recovered the situation in their own lives better than I did.

I just try to look to the future now, hope fate might still surprise me, but maybe that’s too passive!

ps: I’m 49.

If my husband died, God forbid, I don’t think I would ever want to go on a date/ meet anyone else / ever kiss etc another man

My wife made this decision about 3 years ago when in her early 40's. Unfortunately she didn't discuss it with me or have any interest in my feelings so I'm stuck with it too 😢

I went without for 4 or so years after a very bad breakup and seriously could not have cared less, the very thought horrified me -- but then met my partner and my sex drive came flooding back and we went crazy. Not saying yours will come back, but it can ebb and flow for sure. Now we do it once a week or so, more if we are on holiday. Mid 50s and can't really imagine that changing unless one of us breaks a hip... and even then ; )

29 when we had trouble conceiving and sex because a chore. Never quite got over it. Am now 35 and (with two healthy, happy children ❤️) quite honestly, I'd be more than happy without a relationship either now!

I stay for the children, as the dad isn't a bad guy - just grumpy and tiresome - but I fantasise about living alone all the time! And in my fantasies, there is never another man there, it's just me and it's bliss.

I have been married for 50 years to the same wonderful man. He provided for me, took me around the world, looked after me, paid for everything and I love him dearly. I never liked sex, it hurt. I did it, of course, because that is what you do when you are married. It is like his reward for loving you so much. I have never had an orgasm while having sex, all that pushing and shoving did nothing for me. I envy the women who find it pleasureable. God knows I tried. I didn't have children, but now, in my 70's, I have a relaxed, rich and comfortable life. No worries, no stress, no children and no real pull on me to do anything except look after the house, the laundry and the money. Oh, the cooking as well. I have time for my interests, my science, the wonder of flowers, the love of dogs, photography, growing vegetables, the exploration of the Universe, my soul, you name it, I am doing it. It's great when you get old. Cherish it.

I’m 46, separated about 8 years ago, had a few flings but now it’s far too much effort, the idea of getting naked and having sex with someone feels so alien.
id like more company but not a relationship and just platonic , sometimes it’s nice to talk to an adult about something other than kids and work but not at the downside of making space in my life, i think im burnt out and done with the mental load - i want to do what i want when i want. I’ve become too selfish to consider a relationship- but it’s so hard to find platonic friendships with other single people.

This is one of the most wonderful posts I have read on Mumsnet. So inspiring - thank you.

If I'm being honest. I've never been into it.

I never enjoyed sex and had to get drunk to do it as I felt shy embarrassed. Abuse as a child didn’t help, plus parents who made out sex was dirty.
then menopause hit just after finding a lovely partner and realising what good sex was. Now it’s just too painful no matter what we’ve tried, hrt lubricants the lot.
I miss the enjoyment that I had 😢

I thought we were genetically programmed to want a partner aren’t we? Not just a societal expectation?
From my experience , being part of a couple is nicer than being single
but I know you can also feel lonely in a relationship if there’s not enough compatibility

44, but I'm in the process of divorce the man I absolutely adore and thought he was my soulmate. Turns out he's gay, had sex with men before that he didn't tell me about when discussing previous relationships. He recently went out abd had sex with a random online man. I guess just to make sure he was gay before coming out.

I still have sex on my mind, but very, very much doubt I'll ever trust a man enough again.

45 here - no interest in sex or men really now compared to 20s and 30s

I’m 46 married with a teen and a tween and would be more than happy to never do it again! I still like affection but sex feels like such a chore, I’m in the depths of peri menopause so maybe that has something to do with it but I feel dead. I open my eyes in the morning and I’m already tired so by the time bed time rolls around I’m just exhausted and all I want to do is read my book and fall asleep. I do do it because I adore my husband and he would be devastated if he knew how I felt so I play along once or twice and week and everything is rosie.

We had unexplained infertility so spent a total of 8 years trying for two babies so I feel like that used up all of my love of sex.

Me & dh are 62. My sex drive has been dead in the water for a few years now. His hasnt. I wish I could feel different as it's not fair on him. He's been a brilliant husband & father & is still attractive. Other women comment that he's still attractive at his age. He's not a philanderer by any stretch of the imagination, but there's only so much patience a person can have.
I look at him and love him so much, even after all these years, and in my head I want to want it; but when it comes to it I feel dont want to. I don't know if I'm just lazy & overweight. My poor dh 😢

I think a total lack of sex drive is a bad sign, health-wise

But there are many ways to address it

same. I can't imagine being faffed and the whole idea of dating etc just fills me with a deep tiredness. I'm 52 and my DH and I haven't had sex for 2 years. To be fair I had to have a hysterectomy a few years ago and he has high blood pressure so is on medication. I'd like to have sex with him again if we could get our bloods up, but other than that I'm happy to call time on my sex life and move on.

I had a lot of sex when I was younger, a lot of partners. I have joked that I used it all up and now there’s nothing left.

I’m 47 and getting divorced and can’t entertain someone else. I still have a sex drive but happy to DIY. Much less effort.

In reality I’d probably like an occasional one nighter. I don’t much enjoy the intimacy of a relationship but I do like the occasional stranger encounter. My ex always said I have a very “male” attitude to sex. He’s right really.

If I lost my husband, I would not be having another relationship.
All my friend’s husbands are awful. I think I’d be utterly miserable with any other man. I genuinely can’t believe I found my husband.

If you’re happy with your decision, don’t second guess yourself