Never having sex again

[user043857398]

What age were you when you realised you never wanted to be touched by a man again and saw absolutely no value in a man choosing to be with you long-term?

I'm probably quite young to have come to this conclusion and the knowledge that I'll never have a romantic connection again fills me with joy.

Friends, my children, my home, my future all take my headspace up and it's such a beautiful contrast to spending my youth chasing men and hoping they would 'choose me'. It must all have been due to societal programming. I look back and realise I was always happier when I was single and not interested in someone romantically.

I’m 41, been single 10 years and HATE it! I still have a huge sex drive despite not having had it for 10 years. I cannot imagine never again, I’m just staying single for a myriad reasons whilst my child grows up. I frequently daydream about that spark of lust when you first meet someone and your first intimacy with him.
In other words I think your mind will change as time goes on. I had a very similar view to you when I was first single, I swore off men for good. My mind soon changed in terms of what I wish for. 8-10 more years to go! 🕰️

You are coming up to your best, incognito. Don't even think of doing without just yet.

@user043857398 I don't understand your post. Your post initially states that you don't want to be touched by a man again, which implies a lack of sexual attraction to men. But then you talk about frustrations in chasing men and hoping they would "choose" you.

Obviously, having romantic partners and having sex are two different things, and as a woman, it should be extremely easy to have multiple partners for sexual contact who do not want a relationship.

38 ish? I’ve only really wanted to have sex when trying for a baby. Don’t see the point otherwise.

I’m 62, I cannot imagine having sex again, my ex partner was just awful in that department and I could never be happily naked in front of another man, I don’t want to be touched.
I love my own bed and the safe, cozy feeling of sleeping alone.

It’s a shame, I used to be rampant before him but never, ever again.

A bit extreme here as we had sex for the last time almost 7 years ago, and it was the time my lovely DD was conceived. There's a myriad of reasons as to why it is as it is. I won't go into it. I'm happy to carry on as I am, which is strange as I used to love getting some all through my 20s and 30s...

I’m 54 and could have written this myself!! Am much happier when there’s no romantic involvement in my life because it’s brought me nothing but stress and heartache! I do have 2 amazing teenagers, lots of friends, an extended family, I couldn’t care less if I never had another romance for the rest of my life!

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This is an absolutely fascinating thread.

I’m 44 and whilst I would still have sex if my husband wanted it we haven’t in two and a half years since he cheated on me. I can’t stand the idea of anyone other than him touching me, but if I’m honest I’d be happy never having sex again. I never enjoyed it.

Single 12 years, celibate (again) for almost 3.

Can’t be arsed to have sex again.

Sex in that context tends to be rubbish though.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Does she still not discuss it at all?

We regularly see threads on here by wives who've stopped having sex. In many cases it's understandable - selfish husbands who've taken them for granted and/or never made the effort to please them sexually, women traumatised by cancer treatment with husbands who fail to understand the impact, men who've 'let themselves go' quite spectacularly yet won't take hints or criticism, and others.

Some of these cases are irretrievable, some could be helped. But it's extraordinarily cruel to unilaterally change the terms of a relationship without discussion. I hope your DW will talk to you - might couples therapy help? If there's no hope of change, you'd be justified in ending the marriage.

I didn't think so. It's a high price for a comfortable retirement; there were other ways to achieve it. I feel sorry for Poodlemother suffering painful sex year in, year out, and can't help feeling something could have been done about that.

Would have loved to have carried on having sex with my exh of 36yrs but it became too predictable, he didn't make the effort hygiene wise and I think I lost the interest thanks to the menopause, glad I had loads when we were younger, with him and pre him! 60yr old talking btw! Still find men attractive and a quick shag yes long 40 mins sessions no thanks!!

I’m in my 60s and whilst I’ve had sex in my younger days which was amazing, sex with my partner of 29 odd years has never been particularly fulfilling for me, and post menopause I just don’t have any inclination to be intimate. I love my partner and feel bad as he still would like sex but I find I just can’t . I can’t imagine having sex ever again and I am a bit sad about that. I’m reassured by the range of ages of people who don’t want or need sex in their lives as I thought I was maybe a bit weird in not Wanting it. I do sometimes wonder if I’d ever want it with someone else though!

I am quite happy never having it again, I'm 40's but I am alone.

I think if I was really attracted to someone then yes I might change my mind. But when I look at men my age and older (and most want a younger partner), they just do nothing for me. Most are not well presented and do absolutely nothing for me, the older they are the less attractive I generally find them. I think men are at their best in their 30's! So that doesn't fill me with hope that I'd ever have it again, even if I wanted to!

Thinking back, a surprising number of my friends said this. Some even said they were dead horny when trying to conceive but, otherwise, zero interest. I thought it might be due to fatigue with young children, post partum damage or discomfort with their changed bodies. But maybe it goes deeper than that? Could some women be 'programmed' to want sex only while trying to make babies? 🤔

I think the general calibre of hotness is higher in London @VoltaireMittyDream because it's trendy. More importantly though, because it's wealthy with a higher percentage of childless people, who aren't stumbling about exhausted and smeared with porridge. There are definitely places where I've noticed the bar is set quite low too.

About 50. After a full hysterectomy. It just doesn't occur to me to want it. I had a big sex drive before then. Now, the thought of doing it gives me the ick. We're all different, aren't we? What's right for some isn't right for others. I'm happy, he's happy. We're still very much in love. I think even if Henry Cavill knocked on my door wanting to ravish me, I don't think I could muster up the will. (Sorry, Henry, my love. X)

@dandeb that isn't right or fair at all and you and her need to have a discussion about the practicalities of ending the marriage with no fault or hard feelings. Everyone is entitled to want, or not want, sex within a relationship, but changing the parameters so completely from a sexual relationship to an asexual one requires open discussion about the future.

I love my own bed and the safe, cozy feeling of sleeping alone.

I love this sentence - it's so true too. It's so nice snuggling into bed, knowing you can read or not, light on or not, sleep in any position you like etc. I know some people have to deal with snoring but my ex also used to turn over in a ridiculously energetic way and shake the whole bed and it was so incredibly annoying. I love going to bed now on my own (well plus the cat)

You need to look at using Estradiol (estrogen) cream as it can be effective in preventing recurrent urinary tract infections (UTIs) in postmenopausal women.

@Hithismyname I think a lot of women ( not all by any means) do feel like this , but they want a partner and often kids so it’s kind of a necessity - problem is once you have the long term partner and the kids it then becomes much harder to fake any regular enthusiasm - the only two women I know who genuinely are really into it ‘a lot’ - neither have kids and neither are married but do like a lot of male attention

Careful what you wish for! Sex was never that great but when I developed Lichen Sclerosis it was never an issue again. Tears and bleeding and uncontrollable itching saw to that. Now my skin is sloughing off all the time, it itches, is sore and some bits have disappeared all together. What's left wants to fuse together (hence the ref to sewing it up) and that's a full time job stopping that.