AIBU to think this phrase is creepy?

[TheJoyOfWriting]

I was on a website a while ago for concerned Canadian parents (I'm GC & was looking up trans issues in US & Canadian schools).
In the section for fathers, they had a banner slogan saying, 'A father is a son's first hero and a daughter's first love'.

I googled & found the phrase on various SM/blogs etc, mainly from US sources. AIBU to think it's inadvertently creepy?

I know it's just encouraging dads to set a standard for daughters' relationships later, and cherish the father-daughter bond. But couldn't they have chosen a phrase that sounds less Electra Complex-y? I think it would be creepy to call a mother a 'son's first love' too.

YABU - it's fine
YANBU - it's unintentionally creepy

Googling now, I find the mother version of the phrase used a lot, apparently Denzel Washington used it in a speech that people are quoting. Still think both versions are creepy.

It's a horrible saying. I've seen it a few times, and it makes me shudder.

It's an absolutely appalling phrase.

Gender stereotyping for a start .

And a totally ridiculous assertion.
My father was never my brothers "hero" and he was certainly never ever my or my sister's "first love" - we didn't even like him.And I don'think I knew anyone when I was growing up who would have related to the sentiments of this phrase.

And yes OP the "first love" sentiment is evocative of the revolting sexual use of " daddy"

Nauseating!!!

I’m so confused about why you would think this is creepy. My parents were my first loves . I think it’s warped to assume that the only love a girl can feel for a man is erotic love. My brother is also one of my loves, as is my son. There are lots of different types of love.

Why don't they say a father can be his children's first love? It's the singling out of daughter which makes it sound unintentionally creepy.

I agree. It's no different to saying that a mummy is a son's first love and daughter's first heroine. Within a regular normal loving family dynamic, there is nothing creepy about it at all. As you say, it is warped to think this love is anything sexual or erotic.

I think that's creepy too, unintentionally. Why not just say mothers and fathers are their children's first loves. It's the gender distinction that makes it sound creepy..

Yeah it makes me ill. You can buy valentine's cards from dad to daughter. America is rife for this stuff. Have you seen the dad's giving their daughters rings?

It's all patriarchal ideology that women are just girls who are handed from men to husbands.

Even gives me the ick in weddings.

And those awful purity balls. shudder I once saw some photos online of dads and daughters at purity balls and somehow they felt every kind of wrong. The way the pics were styled felt somehow sexual, ironically, and the dads and daughters had a sort of religious fervour in their eyes. So creepy.

MAGA want America to go back to its Christian cult roots where women and girls are property (not to mention who else) and they are only slightly veiled about this.

I hope they do not succeed. They oftentimes believe there is no medical reason for abortion to ever take place, and that women should be kept in the home and out of college and careers.

I'll keep speculation to myself but I'll just say that in cults child abuse is rife.

I’d say you’re probably right. nods sadly

It’s a very American attitude- valentine cards for dc, daddy daughter date nights and so on.
One element of it is to show young girls respectful behaviour from men, I think.

If he treats his daughter well, she will have high standards.

But there shouldn’t be a difference between male and female children- all dc need one to one time with both parents. All parents should aspire to be their kids’ hero/heroine- and be thick skinned in those teen years when you’re just an embarrassment 🤣

typo

Current House Speaker Mike Johnson took his daughter to one, unfortunately. I thought they'd died out but apparently not.

https://abcnews.go.com/US/speaker-mike-johnson-daughter-profiled-attending-purity-ball/story?id=105785626

I have seen exaggerations but there definitely is a genuine disturbing thread to some elements of conservative US Christianity.

Unchained At Last is a great charity which is the only US one focusing solely on child marriage. 4 US states have no minimum marriage age, and there are serious issues in many others w mainly teens marrying much older men. Also a problem of trafficking underage girls in to marry older men.

https://www.unchainedatlast.org/child-marriage-in-the-u-s/

We think of child marriage taking place in developing countries, and while most involve teens rather than actual preteens, it's still vile and exposes (if that were needed) that the US's attitude to women US scarily regressive in some sections.

That's just one of the issues...

@TheJoyOfWriting It's the gender distinction that makes it sound creepy..

I feel really sad that we live in an age when even the most innocent things are seen as creepy and unnatural.

I think ‘first love’ refers to romantic love so yeah I think it’s creepy.

I don't think the people writing it are creepy, it just unintentionally sounds that way. As I've said, it's the fact they single out 'daughter's first love', which makes it sound analogous to romantic love. Others have pointed out the connection to purity ball/ring-type mentality.

I've seen people post the mother-son version as : 'A mother is a son's first true love, a son is a mother's last true love.' which I think sounds equally bad, for the same reason. Apparently Denzel Washington said it in a speech, but I think it was around before that.

@TheJoyOfWriting I don't think the people writing it are creepy,

No, I get you. I did not take it that way at all. It just makes me sad that we live in an age of, the only way I can think of to put it is reduced innocence.

I see what you mean...☹️ It is sad. I suppose you could say that's the cost you have to pay for more awareness of abuse....

Otoh here tho I think to some people (incl me) it registers as weirder than it might otherwise do bc of the purity ball/ring culture in some parts of the US.

Worryingly, to add to the child marriage ongoing problem in US, a GOP congressman from Missouri recently claimed that he knew a 12yo boy who 'impregnated' a 12yo girl (what the hell?) and was then made to marry her (presumably in a state where marriage at 12 is legal..) He says the marriage is still happy so he's therefore fine w condoning marriage of 12yos...

https://www.yahoo.com/news/missouri-lawmaker-defended-child-marriage-031412669.html

Presumably this is a fringe viewpoint but otoh this is still legal in some states...

Then why father is a daughter’s first love but not a son’s?

Why first love for opposite gender child but not of same gender?

It doesn’t mean erotic but a daughter should not be conditioned to think father is her first love.

Such messaging at societal level is weird because many kids don’t have decent parents. Why should they be conditioned to this message? For those who have wonderful parents, they don’t need anyone to teach them that parents are their first loves. They can feel and express to their parents. Such messages don’t enhance or reduce that love. But some kids are sexually molested within families, and they should not be exposed to this idea of parent of opposite gender being their first love.