Does your child having a step mum effect your relationship with your child?

[hauntedbarn]

I have 4 children and my eldest has a step mum and his dad had 50/50 with them while he was growing up.

Step mum was the more dominant of them and he always ran things past her and even his dad would say ask step mum, she was definitely the decision maker in their family and always very involved, needed to know everything and had to ok everything.

I think I feel like I shared him with her a bit and he had two mums, she definitely referred to him as her son and didn’t have any others.
I have always felt this put a bit of a barrier between me and my son and I am closer to my other 3 that I had full time with no step mum and I’m their only mum.

They are adults now but I just wondered if anyone else had felt this way.

I was very close to a friend’s mum and wished she was my mum, and also quite close to a female teacher in a mother-figure sort of way. My mum was fine, not abusive or anything, I just felt more connection to these women. It definitely impacted our relationship and we are quite distant now. I can only imagine that the effect is compounded when it’s a step-mum who the child sees very regularly, rather than a teacher or a friend’s mum.

If anything it made us closer as she is very difficult.

ETA. She being the step mum in question.

My kids have a step mum and it doesn’t affect my relationship with them at all.

My daughter (17) in particular gets on well with SM, my son (11) less so, but I would say he still gets on with her fine. She’s quite respectful of the fact they aren’t her children and has never really acted like they are. I guess she’s more like an auntie who lives there in their eyes.

Exh and SM have two younger children together, one of each sex.