Please can I ask you wise ones a question>

[rubicustellitall]

Is it ever ok to interfere when your adult child is in a relationship where they are being treated badly? They are distraught, we are distraught and I want to do or say something to the other party but rage is stopping me at the min. I want to help so badly...what would you do or not do please? Thank you

No. Stay out of it.
Just be ULTRA supportive of your own child. Tell them you are there, your home is there, anything they want, you will do it.
But stay out of the relationship.

thank you. I appreciate your sound and sensible advice. I posted because right now I cannot think straight.I still want to protect my child and I know I can't.

As a parent it’s difficult not to get involved, but you must stay out of it and let them figure things out for themselves. Let them know you’re there for them. Only give advice if they ask for it and if the relationship breaks down be a listening ear but if don’t push the issue if they don’t want to talk.

When people post here about their abusive relationships, one of the first questions is always whether they have someone they trust to confide in and whether they have someone to go and stay with, such as parents. And it's always so much easier for them to escape when the answers are yes. So that's how you can best help - make it clear your door is always open.

Interfere in: no.
Counsel and indicate that they are selling themselves short: yes.

I would never go steaming in and tell my child who they should be with but like fuck would I stand by passively if I thought she was being abused or neglected.

My parents were very hands-off with my relationships and looking back I wished they had been more direct with me if they knew I was wasting my time.

Is your adult child in any danger?

I wouldn’t say anything to the other party but I would tell my child if I thought they were being treated badly, and support them to leave

No not at all..just broken from lies and deceit. We all have had the rug pulled from under us. We all thought it was the happiest and most secure of marriages and well..it isn't. Non of us saw this coming so its a great shock all ways around.They are having a month apart for breathing space and then they will decide. I just do not see how things can ever be the same again. You think you know and love someone then they destroy you in one day with their actions.

Sending a virtual hug 🤗
Stay strong for your DC, and stay calm.

I hope and pray after all this mine can find the courage and strength to say its done. I respect myself more , I just wondered what to do in the meantime, when all I do want to do right now is go and speak my mind. I will of course support mine in anything but how I would ever look at him again and trust him again with her best intentions at heart is another matter!

I will heed your advice thank you all. I so appreciate your sensible,kind words and I will reflect on them.
Thank you all again