Over 4 years of broken sleep.. I've asked partner to take a break from running so I can rest, now he's grumpy.

[Taurini]

So long story short, our 4 year old daughter might possibly be suffering from sleep apnea and we are waiting for the results of a sleep study to then take the next steps.

4 years of broken sleep for me because our daughter is constantly waking up from choking on what I'm assuming is her giant tonsils and adenoids.. she's waking at least 2-3 times a night and it's rare she sleeps though a whole night.
My partner is a heavy sleeper and doesn't hear her and I only wake him if our daughter specifically asks for him or I've barely had any sleep as I know he works hard and needs his rest.

I'm beyond exhausted, it's messed up my body so much I'm having a heavy period every two weeks, I keep becoming anaemic and my hair is falling out so much I'm having to use rogaine.. I'm 34..

He's really into his running, has roughly an hour to himself every morning to run/work out.
He's recently been out for almost a whole weekend at a festival with a friend.
The other day he had been for almost a two hour run on a Saturday training for his next 10k run.
Then mentioned a half marathon and then a marathon.
I snapped.. its not fair hearing he has all this energy and all these plans when I don't even get a full night's sleep..so I've asked him if he'd stop his running until we get our daughter's sleep apnea sorted and watch her in a morning so I can get some rest.
He's stopped but is very grumpy about it and now on top of no sleep Im having to feel guilty..
Am I being unreasonable?

He is swinging the lead.
Assuming he is running from home... If he runs for an hour 5x a week, he does not need to train for a 10k run. He should be doing 10k in each of those runs. And a 2 hour run should cover a half marathon distance.

Sell home this concept (which is true)... His running will actually improve if he takes at least every other day off to recover. On those days, he lets you rest. Running every day for that long has a negative overall impact on performance.

He has zero right to be grumpy when he has got away with taking the piss for so long.

No offence but if he’s doing 2hrs of training for a 10k he’s shite at running and should probably give up?!

get some sleep don’t feel guilty I doubt he has in the last 4 years eh?

This post has made me feel so sad for you, that you have got to this point without him stepping in to take over. It sounds like he has watched you struggle and deteriorate over four years and not even considered your needs or that he is a father and you are a family.. I hope I am reading it wrong but if this is the case you need to sit him down and spell it out to him. What on earth do his family and friends think that he is treating you this way?

Please get yourself checked out, you can't run on empty forever.

He's never even offered?

I relate to this so much with my big DD. She had sleep apnea due to tonsils and adenoids as well as severe glue ear! She would only want me in the night so I was up a lot! I also then had a DS 2 years later and the a DD a year later… so 3 under 3

I was up alot in the night, they just didn’t want DH… they wanted mummy.DD1 is so much better but By DD2 I now just co sleep and the older 2 come in if they need me. I can’t have a lie in with these 3
in all this DH would try to help by giving me an hour in bed but it would be 4pm in the afternoon and they would all try to come in with me so we’ve given up!

Not unreasonable at all. DD was like this and had her tonsils out at 5 and slept through every night after.

Your husband/child's father needs to take turns at having broken sleep. Ridiculous that this is being left to one parent.

So you have to ASK your partner to parent his own children to support your sleep and health and he’s the grumpy one! Come on he is being beyond selfish! And he’s using the grumpy attitude to get you to cave. Stop being a doormat here. You need to get your and daughters sleep sorted - he can take a break from running so much. I can’t believe you apologised here - I’d literally have been saying how can you stand to see your wife and daughter so sleep deprived whilst you just focus on yourself

I can’t believe you apologised. So all he has to do is grump around and do the poor me act and you’re apologising and giving in. It’s so manipulative of him.

Your sleep is just as important.

Are you awake for long periods during the 2-3 wake ups? Assuming you both work I'd take turns at having DD sleep with you while the other sleeps in a different room.
If you don't work then I'd expect him to do the weekend.

I found that running was helping ME with broken nights.

If you don't work, you obviously don't need as much sleep to stay at home, where you can chill, but it's even worst to wreck your nights.

Being physically really tired meant, for me, to fall asleep quicker, even after being woken up 3, 4, 5 times a night and having better sleep in the short slots I had.

I would share the runs, and take turn. Instead of punishing him and telling him what to do, you both benefit.

Many posters on here don't understand how the lack of physical activity can damage someone, so they just don't get it.

Hope you’re ok OP - I remember how tough the sleepless nights were and don’t know how I would have survived for four years. Sounds like you desperately need rest, try not to feel guilty and put yourself first for a change. Hopefully you get somewhere with your daughters sleep soon and he can get back into his running.

You know it’s not right !! He is being massively unreasonable.

im sorry you are suffering from sleep deprivation, it is the worst !!! And I’m doubly sorry your partner is being such a dick

I don’t understand what his defence could be does he not understand what this is doing to you? It should be split 50/50 so you can both get sleep. What an awful selfish man

As others have said go the GP immediately about the fortnightly period, waking 2 or 3 times a night absolutely does not cause your period to suddenly become that often, that needs to be your first priority.

As for the running I'd be happy to compromise with him IF (and it's a big if) he steps up and does more with the night wakings or allowing you to catch up on sleep in the morning.

Why cant he change the time he runs? If I can't do a morning gym session I'll do an evening. There are other options.

Stop calling it him being grumpy. He is an adult not a toddler. He is punishing you for forcing him to parent his child more. When he acts like that call it out properly.

I notice that when I ask you to take over with the child, your mood shifts. I need you to know that your frustration comes across like a consequence for me bringing you into parenting, and that doesn’t feel fair.

Yes your DH should share the nights and then go for a run if he likes in the morning after he's been up and you have had a sleep!
Maybe put a blow up mattress for him on DDs floor so she doesn't come to you.

Why does your DD need you every time she wakes though? Surely she is used to it by now, and knows to snuggle up and go back to sleep. Or do you mean you stay awake watching her in case she chokes? In which case you should go to ER and not leave until they operate and remove her tonsils. The situation isn't sustainable or safe.

You need an almost entire weekend away …

Organise it!

He's grumpy because he stull hasn't got his way fully.

Hopefully this shows you how he's playing you.

He's selfish, doesn't care about anyone but himself.

That’s not necessarily true at all.

He sounds awful, OP. What has he done to support you and your daughter?

I cannot comprehend how someone who supposedly loves you could see you to suffer like this. And also not want to be involved with his own child.

Spectacularly selfish.

He’s being ridiculous
my friend (who has a wife and children with no health issues) competes at a decent level
he will get up at 4am to go and run or he takes the kids on their bikes, then his wife can go to hockey while he is putting them to bed etc
he trains daily and works so hard to make sure it never interferes with family life

Where's your anger OP? It's really not normal for one parent to be so exhausted it's screwing with their physical health, and the other parent to be carrying on like they did before they had a child with time and energy for hobbies etc

Its not normal for one person to be fine seeing their partner on their knees and not even offer to help.

It's not normal for a parent to be really grumpy, at being asked to do far less than their share of parenting, and much less than the absolute bear minimum.

Honestly this is not even a partnership. You'd actually be better off if you split and he had your daughter one night a week overnight and every other weekend overnight, at least you'd get regular rest