Over 4 years of broken sleep.. I've asked partner to take a break from running so I can rest, now he's grumpy.

[Taurini]

So long story short, our 4 year old daughter might possibly be suffering from sleep apnea and we are waiting for the results of a sleep study to then take the next steps.

4 years of broken sleep for me because our daughter is constantly waking up from choking on what I'm assuming is her giant tonsils and adenoids.. she's waking at least 2-3 times a night and it's rare she sleeps though a whole night.
My partner is a heavy sleeper and doesn't hear her and I only wake him if our daughter specifically asks for him or I've barely had any sleep as I know he works hard and needs his rest.

I'm beyond exhausted, it's messed up my body so much I'm having a heavy period every two weeks, I keep becoming anaemic and my hair is falling out so much I'm having to use rogaine.. I'm 34..

He's really into his running, has roughly an hour to himself every morning to run/work out.
He's recently been out for almost a whole weekend at a festival with a friend.
The other day he had been for almost a two hour run on a Saturday training for his next 10k run.
Then mentioned a half marathon and then a marathon.
I snapped.. its not fair hearing he has all this energy and all these plans when I don't even get a full night's sleep..so I've asked him if he'd stop his running until we get our daughter's sleep apnea sorted and watch her in a morning so I can get some rest.
He's stopped but is very grumpy about it and now on top of no sleep Im having to feel guilty..
Am I being unreasonable?

Who are the 8% who think you are unreasonable?!

I'm assuming people who like to run 🤣

This selfish twit is literally running you into the ground, OP.
It’s amazing he’s got any paid employment when he so thick skulled that he can’t see your physical decline and realised that his carry on having a merry old time to himself has a huge part to play in it.

It’s Friday! Have you put some plans into place? Hope you have a good nights sleep 💤

He can see it, but like all selfish men who don't give a shit about their partners or children, they conveniently look the other way.

As long as their sleep and their hobbies/free time, aren't impacted.

The saddest part is the women with them, are so deluded, as to think this is all they and the children deserve.

Losers every one of them.

Since we had an argument earlier this week he's been getting up and exercising in the house and keeping an eye on our daughter whilst I get a few hours sleep.

I don't feel any more refreshed though, Im still exhausted and very cranky 😞 I miss feeling happy.

You will be so tired because of your low iron/ferritin. 11 is very low even though the GP said the opposite. Get ferrous sulphate from the pharmacy (other stuff isn't strong enough really) and see the GP to get referred to gynecology. I understand you need sleep but no amount of sleep will sort the underlying gynae issues which are likely causing your low iron!

I agree with the poster above. This isnt something that will be fixed with a couple of lay ins. You need a sustained period of better sleep and intervention from a doctor about your iron levels. Fingers crossed your dh continues to be a better parent and partner.

I will make an appointment with the doctor first thing on Monday.
I hope so too, he's starting to step up but I'm scared he's going to do it for a short period of time and let me down again.. if that happens then I've decided I will leave.. if I feel lonely and let down in a relationship then what's the point in being in one? 🤷🏼‍♀️

You've got to do night on night off. Me and my husband do this with our wakeful 2 Yr old and have since he was 1, it's essential to both get some form of long sleeps in, never getting into rem is so bad for you. When we split the nights before half each night so neither of us got a long stretch we couldn't retain memories it got so bad, our mental health was shot as you think such anxiety ridden thoughts on the wake ups and on little sleep.

Your husband absolutely needs to do a full night on duty, if that means he is lying with the monitor on his ear so he wakes up so be it. Have you a spare room so you can sleep with earplugs in and just forget about everything for the night? You need to do one night on and one night off for the foreseeable for survival, a few hours of sleep in the morning after a wakeful night is like putting 2 quids worth of petrol in a car running on fumes and expecting it to do a long journey.

There is no happy medium. He has been selfish. Op is looking after dd while he is off to festivals, running. Did he even want a child?

You need a full reset of a good nights sleep and then to implement the new helping additions he is offering.

Take a break away from the house for a couple of nights. That is the only way you will ever feel refreshed and ready to start again.

Start tonight with shutting your bedroom door and leaving him to it. All night.

Sweet dreams 😴

He's left you to deal with this for 4 years. Tell him he needs to spend at least the next 4 making it up to you. A week of slightly more sleep is not going to cut it!

Is he still being grumpy about it? Don’t let him blame you for needing rest. He’s massively let you down, I hope he realises that.

He's not happy anymore that's for sure.. 😞

Oh dear, that’s not good. Can you go away for a few days and leave him to it? I think he really needs to get some understanding of what you’re actually dealing with. It sounds like he doesn’t get it at all.

I think hes been totally unreasonable and shouldnt have gotten away with this for so long BUT if DD is starting school and youre not working, you have 5 hours or so to catch up on rest during the time she is at school - 5 days a week. So I would say YABU to expect him to do nights when he has to work the next day and you could just sloth in pjs if you needed to.

You desperately need to speak to Women's aid.
So much covert abuse.
He couldn't care less about either of you.

You have to get well before you dump this loser.
That should be your sole focus.
Get well, to get out.

He is a bad man.

Not to the point of a heavy period every 14 days. That is classed as intermenstrual bleeding and should always be investigated by a gynaecologist.

Your ferritin is incredibly low and almost certainly why you are feeling so poorly. I was around that and falling asleep everywhere even with 7 hours a night.

I would say this is your priority. Iron tablets are likely not going to be enough unless you fix your periods. You are literally putting it in one and and losing it from the other. You won’t be able to build up your iron stores until you are losing less blood. Push for a referral to investigate. You should be looking for as a minimum an ultrasound and probably a blood test for ovarian cancer (not to scare you but unexpected bleeding can be a symptom, it’s very unlikely but you should ask for it to rule it out). Also ask for tranexamic acid to take during your period to reduce the blood loss while you are waiting. Really push and say how debilitating this is for you. Consider the mirena also - although I know you didn’t particularly get on with hormonal births control.

Please get this fixed - I cant tell you what a difference it has made coming out the other side. I had just slid into being that ill and couldn’t remember how abnormal it was and how easy life can be.

No advice re your shit husband, but my DD had chronic sleep apnoea as a result of large tonsils and adenoids, which were removed when she was 4 and it made a huge and immediate difference. We had it done privately on work health insurance as I understand it’s difficult to get a tonsillectomy done in the NHS without several bouts of tonsillitis first (DD never had tonsillitis).

Also re ferritin I’d ask to see a different GP. A few years ago I was chronically anaemic - didn’t know that what it was at the time but ended up with quite bad alopecia as a result and when I saw GP and had bloods done, ferritin was 4. She said she was amazed I was walking around and going to work with ferritin that low. I had a strong iron supplement for a few months and when I felt better, I couldn’t believe how bad I’d been feeling before. But because it had crept up on me slowly, it had just become my normal.

It sounds like your health really needs addressing more urgently than partner picking up extra child care. I think you should prioritise changing G.P. I suffered through menopause and cancer with 3 perfunctory / dismissive GPs before finding my current fantastic surgery. It made all the difference in getting through all that along with a seriously demanding job. Also don't rely solely on prescribed iron. I was recommended a ginseng root supplement along with liquid iron supplement - worth the investment.

Thank you everyone, I've been on those liquid iron sachets for a couple of days now whilst still taking iron tablets just to get a good dose until the doctors can fit me in next week, that along with my partner taking over at 5am.. this morning I felt a little better, so hopefully in a few weeks I will feel human. Xx

You need to change your GP, because they sound totally incompetent if they don't think that 11 ug/L is a big problem.

FERRITIN guide to interpretation:
Low: Less than 15 ug/L
Borderline: 16 – 40 ug/L
Normal: 41 – 400 ug/L
High: Greater than 400

In your shoes, I'd ask for a transfusion, or at least high strength ferrous fumerate tablets at least 210mg).

They might give you constipation at first, but your stomach will likely get used to them, just like mine did. Just starts on a quarter of a tablet, then slowly work your way up to a full tablet over a week or two.

https://www.southtees.nhs.uk/services/pathology/tests/ferritin/

https://www.ruh.nhs.uk/pathology/documents/clinical_guidelines/HAEM_Ferritin_a_guide_for_GPs.pdf?t=

cks.nice.org.uk/topics/anaemia-iron-deficiency/

https://rightdecisions.scot.nhs.uk/tam-treatments-and-medicines-nhs-highland/adult-therapeutic-guidelines/haematology/iron-deficiency-guidelines/