Over 4 years of broken sleep.. I've asked partner to take a break from running so I can rest, now he's grumpy.

[Taurini]

So long story short, our 4 year old daughter might possibly be suffering from sleep apnea and we are waiting for the results of a sleep study to then take the next steps.

4 years of broken sleep for me because our daughter is constantly waking up from choking on what I'm assuming is her giant tonsils and adenoids.. she's waking at least 2-3 times a night and it's rare she sleeps though a whole night.
My partner is a heavy sleeper and doesn't hear her and I only wake him if our daughter specifically asks for him or I've barely had any sleep as I know he works hard and needs his rest.

I'm beyond exhausted, it's messed up my body so much I'm having a heavy period every two weeks, I keep becoming anaemic and my hair is falling out so much I'm having to use rogaine.. I'm 34..

He's really into his running, has roughly an hour to himself every morning to run/work out.
He's recently been out for almost a whole weekend at a festival with a friend.
The other day he had been for almost a two hour run on a Saturday training for his next 10k run.
Then mentioned a half marathon and then a marathon.
I snapped.. its not fair hearing he has all this energy and all these plans when I don't even get a full night's sleep..so I've asked him if he'd stop his running until we get our daughter's sleep apnea sorted and watch her in a morning so I can get some rest.
He's stopped but is very grumpy about it and now on top of no sleep Im having to feel guilty..
Am I being unreasonable?

Ferritin of 11 is very low. Join the iron protocol on facebook. My daughter’s ferritn was 8, and she was so sick.

I know this isn't the answer to your DH not doing an nights, but your daughter is 4... why can't you hang out washing and walk the dog when she is home from nursery and with you?

I know it has been mentioned by PP but have you looked at how much it would be to have your DD assessed for her tonsil size and have them removed by a private hospital? It could be a just a few thousand which will help her too with getting a good night's sleep.

Google your local area for this and they usually have prices listed for procedures. Lack of sleep is horrific so I hope you manage to get some. I will say that when Dh and I went away for a night for a wedding leaving our children with my Mum we slept so deeply because we weren't on high alert for a child needing us. I think your Dh sleeps through because he knows he can.

He only started running after your daughter was born?

He’s a piss-taking responsibility dodger. Any reasonable parent cuts back on hobbies after a child is born, rather than adding them in! At least for a little while until things settle.

Can you go away to your parents this weekend or any weekend and just sleep. Let the dad figure it out. If they eat junk all weekend it doesn’t matter.

YAB a bit U
You maybe need to understand that running is more than just a hobby, its mental health support.
But that doesn't mean you don't deserve more sleep!
Maybe he can suggest an alternative solution that allow both, such as enabling you to have a lie in at weekends.

He can take over for the next four years, and if sleep is still disrupted in four years time then you can agree a shared plan. And it’s on him to sort running or whatever outside of his responsibility of handling night wake ups

You sound so unwell OP. Do you have the time and funds to see a private gynaecologist? Your heavy ans frequent bleeding may be unconnected to sleep deprivation and your GP sounds shit. If you can’t afford to go private can you go back to your medical practice and ask to see a different doctor for a second opinion? Ditto for your daughter.

Not ignoring the DH part of your OP but you mentioning you were low in iron made me think about something I learnt yesterday when I went to the Wellcome Collection…anyway there is a thing called a “lucky fish” that is made of iron that you can add to wet based cooking dishes (like stews etc) and you cook it for 10 mins and it releases iron (you do need to put a squeeze of citrus to activate). They also mentioned putting it in water with a little lemon and boiling then using that water for tea etc. Basically it releases iron into the food/water so you get more iron when you eat the food. Sorry for the off topic post!

Jesus f**king Christ woman of course you aren’t being unreasonable.

Get some rest and why don’t you book yourself in a long weekend away and while you’re at it - you should have an hour to yourself a day as well.

Let him be grouchy.

I rarely say this but he sounds like a waste of oxygen. LTB material. What is he contributing to your life?

You need to work together on this. Maybe do alternate nights so that at least one of you has a decent night's sleep each day, and he can continue with his running which is clearly important to him, but on a reduced schedule. Likewise, you need some time to yourself.

Hi op I feel tired just reading this you shouldn’t have to ask she’s his kid just because someone works doesn’t give them a get out of parenting card. I read on here how many men just carry on with their own life and mum becomes default parent. If he goes running you get to go to sleep on weekends he’s got more energy because he’s selfish and when he was being grumpy I would have said ok you go running but from now on you get Friday and Saturday dad duties and I will wake you up then I will sleep for a few hours every weekend even if it means getting up at 11 or 12 sod him. Op your health is suffering why can’t he run less before work then more at the weekend. Go to dr again tell them how exhausted you are and ask if they can push your dd issues before you fall down. When she’s at school go to bed straight after dropping her off so you are refreshed on her return.

Absolutely not - your health has been really suffering with the stress of caring for your daughter and keeping her safe overnight.

Why are you are trying to protect his sleep and saying he “works hard” when he has been unaffected to the point he has boundless energy for long runs and festivals.

He’s been incredibly selfish, you have nothing to feel guilty for. He needs to step up.

Came here to recommend this too. Your doctor should absolutely be taking this seriously but in the meantime, Spatone is excellent.

He's the utter dregs.
A total waste of space.

This. He just doesnt want to be involved. I'm obese and unfit and I'm pretty sure I could do a 10k in 2h.

Floradix/Floravital liquid is amazing - the tablets are cheaper and good for maintenance once you feel better.

There are also non hormonal medication for bleeding.

Also request your GP make a gynaecology referral for you.

As a parent I’ve been getting up in the night for years as needed and then I go to work. This is typical as a parent. He’s been getting out of parenting your DD forever it seems.

He can huff about as much as he likes (making himself look like a dickhead) but I’d be really angry with him at this point - especially with his stupid and thoughtless comments after everything you’ve told him about how unwell you are.

OP - I’m so sorry you are being fobbed off by your Dr. Exhaustion is awful, it impacts everything, no wonder you feel so low and in despair.

Firstly, start taking a vitamin C supplement alongside your iron tablets; your body needs the vitamin C to help it absorb the iron. Then immediately stop drinking tea. Switch to Rooibus tea as normal tea affects the body’s ability to absorb iron; having a cup of tea with a meal or 2 hours before or after a meal can severely affect the amount of iron absorbed.

Lastly, the body doesn’t store iron so you need to ingest sufficient amounts each day, preferably alongside vitamin C.

I hope this helps, it’s going to take a few weeks but it should raise your serum ferritin, increase your red cell count and hopefully increase your energy levels.

What about OP's mental health? She exhausted and ill and her DH doesn't seem to notice. He doesn't need to run every day and if OP is as exhausted as she sounds then he shouldn't be buggering off all week-end either.

She's not unreasonable, he is. He is just avoiding helping. Someone suggested she go away for the week-end and leave him with DD. I think she should.

Sending you a hug OP. Few things to echo others good advice: its not the running its the total inequity of how you have organised your life. Many men and women get up with babies at night and work fine the next day. The ideation around finally resting worries me and Ive been there. Maybe counter intutitive right now but sounds like you need to get back to work and get rid of this one. He letting you down and its slightly crushing your soul so you may end up quite resentful. And sounds like you caring for everyone and no one caring for you. Unsustainable. Put that foot down for you. You will feel better again - go see GP and describe MH symptoms here. And cut your workload down by like more than a half. Sounds like he isnt lifting a finger beyond work.

And there was the drip-feed half way through.

You don't work.

YABU, of course.

Sorry to hear about your doctor not taking you more seriously. Ferritin at 11 is really low- mine is currently 13 and I’m feeling awful! I’ve had low iron since I was 15, I’m now 35 and this year is the first time I’ve managed to persuade a doctor to refer me for diagnostic tests. It’s taken 20 years of being brushed off because I have periods.

In the NHS if your ferritin is below 30 your GP can prescribe iron and should be rechecking your levels after 3 months. Please consider asking for a second opinion. Low iron can cause more frequent and heavier periods, it’s awful your doctor brushed you off.

I similarly have been struggling with a toddler that has extremely broken sleep, and your husband really can’t complain about the help in the morning you’re asking for (which is the bare minimum really). I took over all nights as a breastfeeding SAHM, and I really regret taking on full responsibility as it’s completely destroyed my health waking up several times a night for over two years.
I really hope he starts taking your health seriously. You’ve given him the gift of unbroken sleep by sacrificing yours for YEARS, and instead of empathising and trying to understand how hard it is for you, he has the audacity to complain about supporting you for two mornings a week!?
He has no idea how good he’s got it.

GPs always say this and it’s bullshit. It needs to be over 60 to feel normal and stop hair falling out. Get some Feroglobin tablets.