MIL cut my daughter's hair for the first time without asking

[DangleDonkey]

My ex-partner has taken our daughter on holiday abroad to stay with his mum and stepdad for 8 days. While we were having a video call tonight, he said, "Can you see her hair looks a bit different?" and I had actually noticed, I just thought it was wet. He then said, "My mum's cut it a bit" and when I enquired more, he said she's cut a bit off the sides to neaten it up a bit.

Our daughter is nearly 3 and has never had a haircut before. Her hair is curly and honestly mostly a wild gorgeous tangle, and we don't do much to it. Recently, I've started putting it in little bunches which makes her look a little neater and more grown up.

I'm feeling confused that what feels like a big milestone (only child's first haircut) has happened without me, and without me being considered. I would have liked to be there but actually more than that I don't think she needs a haircut yet - her hair needs to grow a bit as it's currently just growing out in all directions.

I genuinely don't think my ex will have thought this was a big deal. He'll have gone along with it because his mum suggested it, in my opinion. He won't have wanted to upset me but I also predict he'll be dismissive when I bring this up.

I haven't said anything yet to my ex because I felt like I needed to think and process this first. Am I being unreasonable to be upset?

Jesus calm down. You do realise some parents have to battle to keep their children from situations that involve sexual, physical and emotional abuse and you’re trying to paint this first world issue as assault without permission.

Would you think 8 days is too long for a mother to be with their child abroad? No you wouldn’t.

Children have two equal parents and this attitude is exactly why so many children end up with absent fathers. Because their Mothers treat them like objects that that own and don’t want to share.

Yes I realise all of that ,(first hand) but the fact still remains a fact.

This idea of "firsts" has become over the top. Parents have always been delighted by their child's first words and first steps but these days it seems to apply to everything. The only way I'd be upset about this is if MIL gave my toddler a purple mohican or shaved all their hair off. It's just a trim and her dad was there anyway.

Assault!! 😂, talk about being overdramatic.

He's never mentioned it once that he wanted to get it cut. Her hair isn't knotted - I brush it and put it into bunches.

I'm not moaning, just asking for different perspectives to help me process something I've had an innate reaction too. That's all.

With his family being abroad, this is something that I've come to terms with. I want my daughter to have a good relationship with her dad's family and am supportive of this sort of length of time away.

It's really mean of her to have done it

My former MiL not only bottle-fed my first-born whilst I was asleep and trying to breast-feed, she also took him to McDonalds and fed him chips - he was a baby fgs. If she hadn't been my landlord and my boss I'd have just banned her from having anything to do with him. Such a loony, forget coming home with pierced ears, surprised she didn't get his face tattooed. So, in the scheme of things, it could have been worse. Have to say, it was a good job my Mother was 600 miles away or there would have been one heck of a cat-fight. (There are health reasons in our family where we're advised to lay off processed, fried foods btw, which MiL was perfectly aware of).