9YOD Pubescent GC of neighbour running around with bra top & 'Booty shorts'

[Idratherreadabookthanks]

I'm sorry for any errors, but am victim of abuse a child as wad DH, so probably a bit more sensitive to these things than others. For context: .We live in a gated community for over 60's. We love to share our neighbour's GC.

'Eve' has walked our dog for many years. She's taken her for a walk around the estate for about 4 years 'Eve' is now aged 9 over-weight. She's obviously a ' clever girl & doing well at school; But she's rather developed for her age.

This afternoon he appears wearing a bra top & 'bootie' shorts. which I thought tonally inappropriate for a child of her age. I told her that she should to go back to he G parent's house & get changed into something into a tee shirt rather than the bra top. She came back wearing on over-sized tee shirt which I felt more appropriate for someone of her age.

I then went to help a neighbour with her husband who has dementia & left DH to deal with 'Eve' .

GP have have since knocked on our door asking why we made their GC cover up. which was (they feel) was unacceptable. DH said we would never allow our Grand-daughters to go visiting neighbours half naked. He pointed out that, despite her young years, that 'Eve' is becoming a young woman now & they need to protect her.

Opinions please.

OP is not describing a pair of short shorts and a top that skims the midriff. She’s talking about tight, knicker shorts and a bra-top. In what universe is that appropriate for a child to wear?

Based on what?

OP hasn't been back (for some reason <eyeroll>) so there's no clarification.

Omg are you seriously going to argue about semantics? I just imagined a 9 year old child walking around looking for something to do. It's not really the point is it.

The biggest risk here is not the belly top, it’s being left in the home alone with a random old man who is just the neighbour of her grandparents.
Do the parents even know?? Have they actually okayed her being left alone in this man’s home??

If a predator is going to sexually assault a child, he will do it whether she is wearing a bikini or a burka

Whilst I wouldn’t let my young daughter out in crop tops and very short shorts I certainly wouldn’t tell a child that wasn’t mine what they should be wearing.
People have very different views on clothing, for example I’ve always put my children in one piece swim suits etc
There are lots of little cute bikinis etc that they could wear in their age range but it’s not what I would pick, at the beach this weekend there were kids running around in underwear and a variety of swimwear of different styles.
My nieces/nephews don’t wear the style of clothes I would choose for my children and I spend a lot of time with them, the only time I would ask them to change is if what they were wearing wasn’t suitable for the activity they were about to do.

Of course we all wish this was how the world worked, but it just isn't is it?

If it was a young girl could walk down the street with nipple clamps and suspenders without being hassled.

I class parents that let their children wear some of the ridiculously oversexualised outfits the same as those that plonk their child on an ipad all day, or feed them shite. Ineffective and stupid at best, dangerous at worst.

It's a parents job to teach their child how to navigate the world, as it actually is. We can tell them what we wished it were, but they should still be ready to deal with the realities.

And the reality is that creepy men will feel even more empowered than usual to stare and make inappropriate comments at women and children in revealing clothes. No, it doesn't make you more at risk of rape, they bloody do that anyway. But it can make a young girls day a LOT more uncomfortable and scary than it should be.

Additionally some predators also take it as an indicator that the parents aren't as protective or as bothered, so they believe the child might be more vulnerable to them.

Where on earth in my post did I say it was offensive or provocative?! I prefer my children, boy and girl, to wear something that covers their torso unless they’re swimming - I personally wouldn’t go out exposing my midriff in public so I apply the same to them. I don’t think that’s a terribly unusual position to take and I’m not sure why if you’re so confident in your choices you’re so offended by mine.

The adults on here putting more weight of responsibility for not being abused by predators on children than the predators are as vile as the OP and her creepy husband.

A 9 year is not a young woman. She is a child. Any hint of sexualisation in her clothes or ‘prancing’ is projected by the adult in every scenario. Those of you holier than thou-ing on this child’s clothes as ‘protecting them’ are using the very same excuses predators use to victim blame, and legitimising the excuses and blame.

I agree, if a man said this phrase about my nine year old daughter then I would be seeing him in a new light. Not a flattering one, a cautious and creeped out one.

I have three daughters and live by the beach. They often play on the beach in bikinis or swimsuits.

They also often wear shorts and a crop top in hot weather. Or a swimsuit and a pair of shorts on top. Playing in our garden, going to play in the garden of their neighbourhood friends etc. They are children and I will absolutely defend their natural right to wear a bikini or shorts and a crop top without fucked up adults telling them that showing their natural bodies is offensive. They are not showing bum cheeks, they are not showing nipples. Anyone who think this in appropriate for a 9 year old child is fucked up and inappropriate.

Would the same people have an issue with a male child wearing just a pair of shorts to play football in the park or on the beach??

I absolutely will not allow my girls to feel ashamed of their bodies. Or to be told that they “were asking for it” if they have a little bit of flesh on show.

I don't agree with OP's decision to insert herself into decisions around what somebody else's child wears. However the number of people on here who are aggressively arguing that there's no such thing as an inappropriate outfit for a little girl is disturbing (although when challenged and asked if this extends to stockings and suspenders, suddenly that's "different", therefore implying that actually there might be such a thing as an inappropriate outfit for a child 🙄). Everybody knows that some outfits are sexualised. I hope that everyone would, in reality, think it was a massive safeguarding issue and wildly inappropriate for a parent to dress their 9 year old daughter in a skin tight mini dress and 5" perspex heels. Acknowledging that this is an inappropriate, overly sexualised outfit does not imply that the person holding that view is sexualising the child. And although it's less extreme, booty shorts (which to me means extremely short hot pants with butt cheeks visible or very nearly visible) and a bra is also sexualised clothing which is not appropriate for a young child to wear.
It's really, really creepy and so nasty when people try to shut down opinions of people who are seeking to protect girls by using the DARVO tactic of accusing that person of being a paedophile. Especially when the person being accused is themselves a survivor of CSA. Such an awful thing to do.

Any man who sees a 9 year old child as a “young woman” should not be left alone with a child in any circumstances.

OP personally I would not have said anything but I think you meant well and I also believe you are right thinking the clothes were not really appropriate ... In my view there are times and places for things, and if Eve were my grandchild I would not have been ok with her going to walk my neighbours’ dog wearing only that. I literally would have said ‘please put a T-shirt on’. I would not have said this to the neighbours GC though. The problem here is that people view this as body shaming (and maybe it is) but maybe you were thinking ‘it takes a village to raise a child’? I do think though that her weight has nothing to do with it. But: I dont think Eve will be traumatised for life. That can only happen if her GC make a huge issue out of this. If they instead calmly explain ‘the neighbours have view A and we have view B and you don’t have to go walking their dog if you don’t want to’ then that’s all there’s to it - you have not scarred her for life.

I was thinking this the other day when I saw a picture on instagram of the icecream twins. Both dressed in skimpy shorts and crop tops. It’s fine to wear at home but not out the house & definitely not on social media. You don’t know what creeps are looking. But I would have said as a pp said to cover up so they don’t get burnt. As well as the fact that other children would laugh at her for going out in those clothes. The grandparents should have more sense themselves to wear something more appropriate. I was SA myself you don’t know what creeps are looking at children taking photos. Using AI to play out their sick fantasies and distributing them online.

I had this once. My eldest who was 2 or 3 at the time wore a Disney Ariel themed bikini (frilly, big picture of Ariel on) to a children's swimming pool in a holiday park. I put her in a 2 piece because she was potty training. She had picked it herself and was excited about wearing it. DH overheard some other mum at the swimming pool saying it sexualised her! Wtf.
I get that it may seem inappropriate, but if the child is confident in it then it's up to them and their parents what they wear. I bring my girls up to wear what they feel confident in (even if I cringe at what they choose to wear a lot!) and I tell them if they like it then that's all that matters. I teach them about body safety in an age appropriate way, which I think is better than telling them not to dress a certain way.

I think having an opinion on it is fine, but you massively overstepped by telling her to cover up.

'Eve' is now aged 9 over-weight. She's obviously a ' clever girl & doing well at school; But she's rather developed for her age.

If ‘Eve’ wasn’t overweight or rather developed for her age, would the crop top and booty shorts bother you? Because why comment otherwise about her looks? It’s not up to you to tell this little girl how to dress, that’s on her caregivers.

Anytime a thread like this pops up, I'm reminded how clueless the general public is about safeguarding and how ignorant they are of the pervasiveness of abuse and how easily it is missed. Predators profile victims, that has always been the case and this little girl sounds vulnerable. Not just her outfit, but the environment she's being left unsupervised in.
OPs request wasn't perfectly executed, but I don't think it came from a bad place. And shops should be fined for the things they are selling targeting little girls. The boys section has no booty shorts or belly tops, they get to have massive pockets they can fill with trinkets and keep their legs protected from the sun. I wonder why girls don't get that privilege 🙄

Op sorry but you were bang out of order.
Her parents presumably purchased the clothes therefore they approve of the clothes.

It's not your place to comment if you approve or you don't. Her weight and academic progress have nothing to do with it.

She wants to be fashionable and wear the same type of clothing as her friends.

Very much this. Such a disturbing turn of phrase.

I presume we’re talking about something like this?

How can anyone think this is inappropriate for a child. I wore this in the 80s. My children wear it now. Anyone who thinks this is inappropriate for a child is a sicko.

It’s quite different though really.

I completely take your point that there’s inappropriate clothing out there but I’m not sure that shorts really fit into the same category.

I don’t like to see adult-type clothing on little girls but when I was little in the 1970s we all wandered around with tiny shorts on. I’m not sure they’re the sexualised clothing that OP claims.

Again, I would love to know if the OP explicitly had permission from this child’s parents before leaving her alone with a man, all the while being concerned about other predators.

Shocking behaviour all around.

Never mind leaving her DH “to deal with Evie”. I mean what on earth!! Who in their right mind things this man has any place “dealing with” someone else’s granddaughter over her clothing!?

I agree this could very much be the sort of thing the OP is describing and a 9 year old in this is nothing like an adult woman wearing “booty shorts” and a bra.

I agree.

At my daughter's school a parent let her 9 yod wear a thong at school. Not appropriate in my opinion.

Im honestly just baffled by why anyone who thinks there is anything inappropriate about a stomach and lower back on show. On a child or an adult.

Nipples on show - obviously inappropriate. Genitals - obviously innapropriate. But I just am totally confused about what is inappropriate about someone showing their stomach 🤷🏼‍♀️.