9YOD Pubescent GC of neighbour running around with bra top & 'Booty shorts'

[Idratherreadabookthanks]

I'm sorry for any errors, but am victim of abuse a child as wad DH, so probably a bit more sensitive to these things than others. For context: .We live in a gated community for over 60's. We love to share our neighbour's GC.

'Eve' has walked our dog for many years. She's taken her for a walk around the estate for about 4 years 'Eve' is now aged 9 over-weight. She's obviously a ' clever girl & doing well at school; But she's rather developed for her age.

This afternoon he appears wearing a bra top & 'bootie' shorts. which I thought tonally inappropriate for a child of her age. I told her that she should to go back to he G parent's house & get changed into something into a tee shirt rather than the bra top. She came back wearing on over-sized tee shirt which I felt more appropriate for someone of her age.

I then went to help a neighbour with her husband who has dementia & left DH to deal with 'Eve' .

GP have have since knocked on our door asking why we made their GC cover up. which was (they feel) was unacceptable. DH said we would never allow our Grand-daughters to go visiting neighbours half naked. He pointed out that, despite her young years, that 'Eve' is becoming a young woman now & they need to protect her.

Opinions please.

‘Eve' is becoming a young woman now
Really not appropriate for any man to say this about a child, comes across massively creepy.

Your intentions were honest and I don’t like booty shorts on kids or teenagers either but it’s for the parents to decide what they are comfortable with. It’s ok to disagree and do things differently yourself but not ok to tell other people what their kids/grandkids should wear

Honestly it was none of your business. I would be furious if a neighbour told my grandaughter that her outfit was unsuitable and to get changed.

I wouldn’t let mine wear something like that out alone but I wouldn’t comment on someone else’s child wearing something like that. I think you need to apologise to your neighbours and if you feel comfortable perhaps explain as you have done here.
For what it’s worth those saying clothes don’t make a difference to predators, not sure that’s strictly true. I was sexually assaulted when I was 7. He’d probably been working up to it for a while but when he actually crossed the line was when I had just come from gymnastics. I think generally predators are opportunistic so the child wandering around in skimpy clothing might not be an issue but she’s also a child that’s going into neighbours houses alone at 9 and has been walking a dog around an estate since she was 5. The child probably is vulnerable. The clothes are probably part of a wider picture of the family not looking after her properly

Might have been with good intentions but it wasn't your place to say

It still wouldn't be my business what a child unrelated to me was wearing.

You can't even get shorts for kids that are what the op is implying. She's implying Kylie Minogue esq hotpants.

They will just be regular kids shorts.

Child protection is everyone’s business

Well, I am sure you can but I am certainly not about to Google it!

What did this child need protected from?

I'd be quietly shocked at a child dressing like this to be honest. However, I would be horrified and worried that my child was being sexualised if an adult told them to cover up, especially with a comment about them developing in to a woman.

I am talking in general, as I am sure you are already aware.

If I were your neighbour I would seriously be contacting someone to get your devices checked.

You and your dh have absolutely no place telling a child to cover up, or commenting on her weight and physical development.

I wouldn’t allow my own nine year old to go anywhere showing her belly but I’d be pretty cross with anyone who commented on it if I did. Mind your own business.

Frankly if “protecting her” was a concern then Eve being unsupervised alone with an unrelated adult man in a “friend of the family” scenario (ie your husband) is riskier than the crop top. No way would I let my own nine year old daughter be going off with my parents’ male neighbour alone, and certainly not if they ever dared mentioned what she was wearing.

I did, because I was THAT confident I wouildnt find anything innapropriate and, I was right. Not even on shein or temu

And, in general, OP has no business telling a random child what to wear.

You were Unreasonable and inappropriate @Idratherreadabookthanks.

It is none of your business, you might be a bit taken aback at what she was wearing but it is not your place to say anything. She sounds like a nice child coming round to walk your dog so maybe just appreciate that

I had a related Google too. Look what I found.

This.

MYOB, she's NOT your Grandchild, it's not your place to tell her what's acceptable to wear.

You are being COMPLETELY unreasonable. I would argue that it is rude at the least but bordering on abusive to lead a vulnerable developing girl to believe there is something offensive about her body and to make her feel so uncomfortable about being seen, she needed to cover it up. Would you have asked a 9 year old boy to cover up? I think that’s disgraceful and way overstepping.

Girls are victim blamed all the time and led to believe that if they dress differently or hide their bodies away, or shrink them that will keep them safe. It leads to girl who grow into women who hate their bodies, apologise for existing, doubt their gut instincts, doubt that they are entitled to set boundaries, feel anxious and at the extreme end can lead to eating disorders and mental illness.

9 year old bodies - just like any young woman’s body - is just a body, it is the problem of the perceiver if they sexualise it. That’s not that girl’s problem. I find it very disturbing you are also commenting that the child is overweight. She is a CHILD - who is still growing. Let her live.

The number 1 cause of s*xual abuse is abusers. You need to research all the different situations abuse happens in. Clothes don’t prevent abuse.

It’s so important to instil in girls confidence in who they are and in their bodies and to support them to understand other people’s judgements are not their problem. This girl is out living her life, you have no right to tell her what to put on her body. You see her body and feel uncomfortable - that’s your problem not hers. You need to deal with your own discomfort and mind your business

If you said that to my daughter, I would be livid

I don’t think you should have said anything because it’s not your child but I do agree with you. Not because of predators (you can be raped in any outfit) but just because of the connotations of certain clothing - my DSD 9 has some friends who dress the way a stereotype of an exotic dancer might and it doesn’t sit easy with me. It’s also an issue with different clothing for different occasions e.g. in the same way that pyjamas are for bed or lounging at home not for the school run/supermarket, bikinis are for paddling pool, swimming, sunbathing, not for walking around the streets. I feel the same way about men by the way - there’s a reason hot countries have to have no shirt no service rules.

I don't think it was any of your business. You have no reason to suspect abuse so I really think you should have kept your opinions on what she was wearing to yourself. Sorry - you sound nice but I think you overstepped here.

In what world did you think it was your place to tell someone else’s child how to dress. Why are you telling a 9 year old that they should cover up because their outfit choice sexualises them and giving them body issues leave her alone and keep your opinions on how she chooses to dress to yourself.

Good for you for speaking up for the child . I would not allow a child of 9 to wear revealing and sexualised clothing out like that. I would be concerned and feel sorry for a child of that age wearing those clothes. It’s a red flag. Most people ignore child protection issues so good for you.