9YOD Pubescent GC of neighbour running around with bra top & 'Booty shorts'

[Idratherreadabookthanks]

I'm sorry for any errors, but am victim of abuse a child as wad DH, so probably a bit more sensitive to these things than others. For context: .We live in a gated community for over 60's. We love to share our neighbour's GC.

'Eve' has walked our dog for many years. She's taken her for a walk around the estate for about 4 years 'Eve' is now aged 9 over-weight. She's obviously a ' clever girl & doing well at school; But she's rather developed for her age.

This afternoon he appears wearing a bra top & 'bootie' shorts. which I thought tonally inappropriate for a child of her age. I told her that she should to go back to he G parent's house & get changed into something into a tee shirt rather than the bra top. She came back wearing on over-sized tee shirt which I felt more appropriate for someone of her age.

I then went to help a neighbour with her husband who has dementia & left DH to deal with 'Eve' .

GP have have since knocked on our door asking why we made their GC cover up. which was (they feel) was unacceptable. DH said we would never allow our Grand-daughters to go visiting neighbours half naked. He pointed out that, despite her young years, that 'Eve' is becoming a young woman now & they need to protect her.

Opinions please.

Clothes don't sexualise children. Creepy adults do.

Presumably the parents know she has those clothes and the grandparents knew what she had on so not your place to comment to child. If you were very worried perhaps talk to the granparents, but even then it is a bit of an touchy subject. I assume it is the sporty style ones which are very popular rather than actual underwater.

What she wears won't make a difference to an abuser. It is parents job to manage this and they have allowed her to wear this outfit.

I think her age and development is irrelevant. It's not about sexualising kids. It's about protecting them from creeps that already exist and also protecting their self esteem. A 9 year old girl shouldn't feel the need to dress in a bra and booty shorts just to feel more grown up, which is likely what she wants to do having seen outfits like that on social media.
Shops needs to stop this as well, there are literal booty shorts being sold in toddler sections, that don't even cover up the child's nappy! It's not ok.

However, you should've told her to get something in the context of sunburn. E.g go get a long t-shirt and a hat and come back. Don't want you getting burnt shoulders.
Aside from it being inappropriate, kids don't really forget body comments, so you need to tread lightly.

That's not booty shorts though?

I think most of us would agree there's clothing on sale that we would prefer our children not to be wearing, with slogans that aren't really child-appropriate.

But since the dawn of time, kids have worn short shorts to run around in because they're practical, comfy, and convenient. Calling them "booty shorts" sexualises a perfectly normal piece of child's attire.

FWIW, I wouldn't let a child of mine out in bra tops etc at that age. But it's not my child and it's not obscene so it's not any of my business - and not up to the OP to police what is widely accepted as normal child clothing.

I imagine it was nike shorts which are all the rage. Honestly my daughter wears them but generally just at home or under dresses. She went out in them without me knowing and I wasnt pleased.

What really annoyed me was that you referred to her as overweight. My daughter probably looks a little overweight but she's actually not as she was weighed at school. She's very active just holds her weight. It makes no difference to her clothing choices apparently but if she was skinny would you have minded less?

OP is not describing a pair of short shorts and a top that skims the midriff. She’s talking about tight, knicker shorts and a bra-top. In what universe is that appropriate for a child to wear?

Porn culture has really done a number on us, hasn’t it?

who is designing these clothes for kids?

who is buying these clothes for their kids?

what are kids watching to look up to this way of dressing?

OP was absolutely clumsy, I’d have said something about sunburn…but Christ alive, some posters are so open minded that their brains have fallen out.

i remember the same insane takes on the ‘14 year old in the Shein thong bikini on holiday with grandparents’ thread.

Pride and confidence in your body’s capabilities doesn’t come from being dressed in a pair of batty riders when you’re in primary school. I would argue the complete opposite.

He pointed out that, despite her young years, that 'Eve' is becoming a young woman now & they need to protect her.

She is 9 years old, she’s not remotely a young woman and it’s so grim to say that. I can’t imagine telling a 9 year to go home and cover up.

Girls often get their belly’s and legs out in summer. I wouldn’t read anything into it and I wouldn’t be telling a child who was nothing to do with me to get changed.

What she wears may not make a difference, but abusers are not stupid and they profile victims. A 9 year old prancing around dressed like that says a lot about their home life. Not saying they're neglected, but it does signal that certain things may be lax.

You are right, it’s not booty shorts. It’s highly relevant though.

I appreciate you wouldn't have allowed your own children or have wanted your grandchildren wearing cropped tops/skimpy shorts - that's your decision and nothing wrong with that decision. As parents, we all do what we think is best for our children. The problem is, this young girl is not your daughter or granddaughter, and as such, how she dresses is none of your business. Asking her to go home and change, because you don't agree with her outfit choices, was overstepping boundaries. Her parents or grandparents bought those items of clothing for her. I doubt very much at 9, even if she'd saved up pocket money, she went out and bought the clothes herself without parental approval. So you have to presume the adults in her life were perfectly happy to buy the clothing and approved. It wasn't your place or your husband's to comment on her clothing or ask her to change. I understand why her grandparents challenged you, and weren't very happy. You need to now think how that young girl feels? She may not really understand why you asked her to change? At 9, she sees clothes she likes, it's not about her wanting to sexualise herself, at that age she wouldn't have a clue what that meant. She's possibly unaware she's a little on the heavier side, but what if she is? She may now believe you asked her to cover up because she's fat? Fully expect her to never be allowed to walk your dog again.

I can’t believe people are obsessing over the shorts and missing this “We love to share our neighbour's GC.”
This isn’t normal and the red flag for abuse is the number of adults this child is exposed to and not her clothes.

It might be that if the child is noticeably overweight and wearing a tight bikini top that is contributing to their impression that she has started 'developing' at a glance (when at 9 she is unlikely to be that far into puberty).

What did your dh say to the poor girl and what do you mean you left him to "deal with her". Mi wouldn't be letting her walk your dog anymore, you both sound very sanctimonious.

Child wearing crop top is not even remotely a child protection issue - I used to volunteer with kids at a youth club before I had my own and I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at a kid in a crop top. I would be logging a concern if a nine year old girl told me they were at their Grandparents’ neighbours house alone with a man who made comments about their body and appearance.

Even the clothing was a child protection issue then the correct thing to do is either speak to their adult or if you’re that concerned report it to the appropriate authorities, not shame the child.

I wouldn't have liked to see a young child dressed like that either but l would never have said anything to them because it's not my business.
We have to accept that times have changed from when we were children OP.

What on earth is offensive with a child’s belly button?! 🤷🏼‍♀️

My girls often wear leggings with a crop top. As do I (age 41!) I have no idea what is offensive or provocative about a belly button?

This is what I mean by profiling though. Creeps prey on kids in these kinds of environments and the clothes she wears will be another signal as to how lax certain things are at home.

I took this to mean that she is already well-developed for her age. There are 2 girls in my DD's class who could pass for the TA - tall with breasts. They are both 10. I personally think the OP is right and some clothes are very inappropriate for a well-developed 9 year old girl. I'm sorry but it does matter what girls and women wear, and you do need to think about predators.

OP is a survivor of child sexual abuse. Do you think this may be impacting her viewpoint at all? You are, indirectly, accusing her of being a paedophile without having the courage to just come out and say it. What a disgusting, appalling thing to accuse somebody of, let alone somebody with OP's history of trauma, without a single shred of evidence.

I think this post says more about you than them. It’s none of your bloody business for a start. And no wonder kids grow up with body hang ups with attitudes like yours. Telling a nine year old to cover up is completely out of order.

A nine year old has been walking your dog for 4 years...? So you allowed a 5 year old to take your dog for a walk on her own?

"a gated community for over 60's" Where do you live that this is a thing?

"We love to share our neighbour's GC" What do you mean as this comes across as creepy, how do you "share" them?!

"I then went to help a neighbour with her husband who has dementia & left DH to deal with 'Eve' ." What was he doing to "deal" with 'Eve'?

"He pointed out that, despite her young years, that 'Eve' is becoming a young woman now". 'Eve' is not becoming a young woman,She is a nine year old CHILD.

And whilst I don't like young girls in adult like clothes and wouldn't alllow my daughter to wear such clothes, I think your involvement is weird and inappropriate. If she is in a gated community of 60's and over, she should be safe to wear what she wants!

Oh, and I'm a victim of childhood serious SA too...

You aren't right in the head and should stay away from children.

I'm sorry but "prancing around" is a deeply weird turn of phrase to be using, especially in this context. This is a 9 year old CHILD walking round to a neighbour's house to walk their dog, where does "prancing around" come into it?

I think you're deluded if you don't think clothes sexualise people. There are social norms and what we wear sends a message to people. Yes the lines have been blurred with social media and total acceptance of anything anyone wants, but there are still norms. Aside from being impractical, an outfit like that is just not appropriate for a 9 hear old, regardless of whether others wear it or not. Shops shouldn't be selling it. She should be wearing things that allow her to play and stay safe in the sun.
But I don't think it was the OPs place to make that comment, I don't agree with anything other than, you'll get sunburnt go get something for your shoulders.