Child Benefit Rival Claim Ex Partner Earning Loads!!!!! part 2

[ProlongedAffair]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5294980-child-benefit-rival-claim-ex-partner-earning-loads?reply=144269354

I can’t write on the previous thread anymore, so I’ve created this one for people interested in the outcome of the CMS case. I’m committed to telling people what the outcome is regardless of whether it goes my way or not.

Op won’t learn. If somehow her boys reconnect in the future you can bet she will be a mil from hell. Like currently every bad thing is her ex’s fault. It will all be her dils fault.

and her dils and sons and the ex can all sit and share bat shittery stories over wine and good food and she can become the “oh that’s just granny don’t mind her 🙄” who gets at best duty visits never left alone with the grandbabies because “you know how she is 😬”

Given the number of people (who've now been proved right multiple times) who warned you this may happen if things continued to get uglier you have been putting the money aside though, haven't you?

It's an absolute insult to anyone who have suffered abuse from an ex for you to say that.

It is not abuse to expect you to pay your way now he has the children full time.

Yet again it's all about you, poor you, and not a moment of self reflection.

I cannot imagine not willingly, off my own back, providing child maintenance for my children if they lived with their other parent 100% of the time, especially if I didn't even see them. I'd want them to know despite that I was still willing to financially provide for them.

You cannot be serious.

He's been more than generous to you and gave you an out many times throughout this.

He told you he wasn't claiming when you had the kids 50/50 circumstances have changed and he now has the 100% of the time.

Fuck around and find out

Blimey OP you just can't stop digging your own grave can you.

I lost count of how many people warned you that you were playing with fire, but you were so sure you were right that you have alienated everyone, and tragically that includes your children.

OP its your children who suffer if you don't pay, not him. He might not be struggling to pay the bills, but it's still money for them, that could be put into savings if he wanted. More importantly it shows that you're still willing to take responsibility for them. If they know you aren't contributing what message do you think that gives them?

OP maybe just close this now. This has gone the absolute worst way it could of done for you. And while I think you didnt need or deserve the money you pursued and accountability you refuse, I feel sorry for all 4 of you that this has caused a rift for you and your sons.

I hope you manage to resolve this with them in time

I hadn't read the original thread, but I've read all of this one with steadily increasing amazement, bewilderment and a dash of horror at how obstinate somebody can be in the face of overwhelming evidence that they are wrong. The one thing I will sort of side with the OP on is that her ex going after her for maintenance is a bit of a dick move...but even then, the OP spent months pursuing an obviously baseless claim against him for money he didn't owe, so she's not got much grounds for complaint if he decides to pursue her for money he is actually entitled to.

OP I appreciate that I may as well shout this into a bin for all the good it will do, but: if you decide to ignore the fact that - so far as the law is concerned - you do owe him maintenance, then the consequences are potentially a lot more serious than you ignoring the fact that your claim against him was baseless. The worst that could (and did) happen there was you being told 'no', and getting some stick on MN. The worst that could happen if you fail to pay child maintenance is, ultimately, prison. That's not likely, but please don't dig yourself any deeper into this horrible hole, and use the payment of whatever it is you are judged to owe as an olive branch.

Having to be pursued by CMS to have a bare bones contribution wrestled from you is so shameful. Is that really the mother you want to be? Because that's the mother you are at the present time.

I have honestly never seen a poster like this. Just on and on never taking in a single thing said to them. Just sheer narcissism.

hit the nail on the head.

Why is it a dick move going after her for maintenance?

He said he wouldn't claim anything when they had the children 50/50, even though he could have claimed for one child, and even though the OP was trying to claim from him.

Despite having the children more than her he was allowing the OP to have both child benefit payments and he was paying £300 a month. At the time the OP claims he was a shit Dad he was paying her £1000 a month.

Why now that he has the children full time should the OP not contribute?

Also "he doesn't need it" doesn't really wash when the OP said very early on that she doesn't "need" more than the CB plus £300 a month she was getting. She just felt it was right that she should get more.

So maybe he just feels it's right he should get something now...

I feel sorry for the OP that they clearly had no one in real life that could give them good, honest advice. They blame the CMS, but it shouldn't have got that far in the first place, as the very rare these days, common sense idea should have prevailed. They are 50/50 at each house, I pay for food at my house, you pay for food at your house. Obviously slightly simplified but the fact on top of paying his half, he was voluntarily giving her extra, I can't imagine what went through her mind to call CMS in the first place (ETA the fact she wanted to claim more for doing more doctors stuff, sounds so ridiculous, i just can't put into words how much second hand embarrassment i got from that, you are a parent, you can't pimp your child out for 50p per word you put on a form. Sorry just makes me so angry).

Someone should have said you've got a good thing here don't rock the boat. So her blaming CMS is crazy, she called them, not the other way round. And after all the stress and worry, it is just her and her kids she's hurt, the dad that she was going after, is laughing all the way to the bank. Yet still, after starting all this, she could have stopped this and kept the voluntary payment months ago (enough of you tried to tell her!), but her ego was more important than her kids. How sad.

I feel sorry for the OP that they clearly had no one in real life that could give them good, honest advice.

Given the OP ignored several people who told her they worked for CMS and that she *really( needed to clarify things because she had wrong info, and the ignoring of the multiple olive branches by her ex as well as the ignoring of everyone except those that agreed with her I doubt she'd have listened if they had said something.

Yes I should have taken that out, tbh the more I thought about it, the angrier I got about how she's made such a mess for everyone just through her sheer greed and ego. As you can see later on, I said she could have pulled back and stopped this but ignored all of your advice. Oh well she's sadly made her bed, so got plenty of time to regret it all now.

He changed his mind, clearly. Perhaps he posted on here and was told that not claiming it would be denying his children of money their mother rightfully owed them. The maintenance isn’t for him, but for them.

Edited to add. As a PP pointed out, I believe he told her wouldn’t be seriously pursuing maintenance when it was still 50/50, but that he needed to open a claim in order to officially establish that they had 50/50 (thus the award to both would be nil). Something he wouldn’t have needed to do if OP hadn’t have done what she did. His previous statement no longer applies as the situation has changed.

Op can you use the texts of him telling you he didn't want the cms money as why you didn't pay him?

Also, can you not apply to the family courts to have access to your children? You could also address the child alienation there.

Well no, it just proves the complete opposite actually. That it’s you who is the problem, not your ex. I can’t decide if you’re in denial or just plain stupid but this is exactly what you were warned repeatedly would happen when you got greedy and started wanting more money from him. In fact this is exactly word for word what you were told would happen. What’s the betting you’ll refuse to pay what you owe then be back here complaining money has been taken from your wages without your permission. In fact even when you are in court for non payment you’ll probably still be complaining that this somehow proves your are a victim. I can see from your replies that you’re completely tone deaf to anyone not agreeing with you even though they’ve all been proven right every step of the process so far. I’m actually starting to wonder if you might be on the spectrum or something because you seem to have no insight whatsoever into the consequences of your actions and seem unable to comprehend anything outside of your own narrative.

There are times when I’m really glad my ex walked away never to be seen again. It made life poorer financially but so much richer being stress free.

And this one’s ex was giving her over £1000 a month until she got greedy.

PP picked up something really sad actually, these are quite narcissistic traits OP is showing.

So the 1st one was about whether she should claim. While historically he was a weekend dad he was now, and had been for a long time 50:50. He pays for their dental, medical and phones alongside having them half the time. In addition to this he allowed her to claim child benefit for them both and gave her £300pm. But OP discovered hed been promoted and was earning "loads" she asked for more and he said no.

Then there was the 1st one about his rival child benefit claim. So she took him to CMS, and based on info she provided. 50:50 but she does all the school admin/forms and he just sends her his share AND crucially she was the one receiving Child Benefit she would be seen as the main carer. So she claimed. He was raging and appealed and was rightly told CMS align to child benefit. If Child benefit deem her the claimant they accept that. So he put in a rival claim for child benefit for one of the children and they each got one child.

She was really angry that this would reduce her CMS and take away half her child benefit. Bear in mind multiple times he said they could both drop it, she wouldnt because she believes while its now 50:50 he only has all this money because he focused on his career when she had them through the week.

They fell out and the teenage boys are spending more time with dad. More than 50:50, one was at his almost all the time and the other doing 60%+ with dad so because CMS then said she wasnt entitled to more but there was still this back dated 50:50 bit from her CMS claim hes put in his own CMS claim for the current situation and theyre both now exclusively at his.

There were multiple points to have stopped this but she was adamant she was entitled to it, it was his fault, it was CMSs fault, our fault for even thinking she would take advice (she asked for) from Internet strangers.

And tbh i disagree about the ex going for the money being a dick move. He now has both boys full time and they deserve support of two parents, and he was giving OP £300 while he was 50:50, and paying medical dental phone contracts and other incidentally.

However for me the saddest thing is her children dont want to see her. And i think OP should close the thread and try and reach out to ExP to discuss how she can rebuild the relationship with her children because thats the part that matters most