Child Benefit Rival Claim Ex Partner Earning Loads!!!!! part 2

[ProlongedAffair]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5294980-child-benefit-rival-claim-ex-partner-earning-loads?reply=144269354

I can’t write on the previous thread anymore, so I’ve created this one for people interested in the outcome of the CMS case. I’m committed to telling people what the outcome is regardless of whether it goes my way or not.

Dragging two teenagers through the family court process, especially while she still has the attitude of everything being her exes fault, is unlikely to get the OP the relationship with her children back as the court will listen to their wishes.

Where is your concern for your actual kids in all of this? You seem to fixate on the money (from him before he had the kids move to his, and now to him).
I know others ask the same and that you're immune to seeing your own fault in ALL of this mess though. I hope you get some clarity and help to navigate the loss of having your kids live w. you or see you.

NONE of that "injustice" is towards your kids though - you seem to not be overly concerned with what is fair on them!

YOU created that suffering. All your previous posts and threads clearly show that. You had SO much advice from everyone here, you ignored it, it went the way a lot of people predicted.

@HenryRain Please read the OP's previous threads - there is no alienation really but a long and financial "battle" with little focus from OP on her kids and LOTS of focus from OP on getting money. Kids eventually moved in w. dad - their choice.

It's irrelevant why she hasn't paid. CMS will work out monthly payments that include the arrears and she will be expected to pay them or they will move to collect and pay.

The family court will not be interested in 2 teenagers who have had enough of their mum. Telling them the truth is not alienation.

OP sounds so much like my mother and this is not a good thing. She left my dad and us kids, refused to sign over the child benefit and tried to get spousal maintenance off my dad because she chose to leave her kids and husband for another man. She tells everyone that actually she ONLY left my father and fails to mention abandoning her kids too but honestly some women are so entitled.

It’s really frustrating to see the few posters who seem to think the dad has done something wrong by claiming child maintenance now the children are with him full time. He might be a high earner but child maintenance is not means tested. The same posters are presumably those always shouting about deadbeat dads and never consider there are also deadbeat mums. This mum is certainly one if the main judgement is stubborn refusal to pay child maintenance when it is due. And it’s due here. The dad is not in the wrong. Having a vagina does not preclude you from contributing towards your children. It is not only men that can be shit and selfish.

I’ve just spent far too long reading this thread and have to say the absolute bitterness that oozes out of the op is off the scale! Bitterness is so destructive and yes I can see you feel hard done by but ultimately millions of women are doing the donkey work of raising kids with little or no acknowledgement of their efforts!

you have let bitterness and greed overtake everything and the ‘it’s not fair’ mentally win! In those early days when he was a weekend dad no it properly wasn’t fair but that’s life…

pick yourself up and do whatever you can to improve your situation and stop blaming everyone else. Don’t let the rest of your life be bitter too…

Bitterness about spending time with her own children when they were little! Not excusing their Dad if he really was uninvolved but he was paying £1k a month for all that time. I think most single mums would have your hand off if you offered them £12k a year and every other weekend off just to be with their kids. Plenty do without any of that and still manage to build careers.

And he was paying her hundreds even when he was not only involved, but was having them more than OP was. On top of letting her have both lots of child benefit, and providing the children with private medical and dental.

OP keeps banging on about being owed compensation as if she wasn’t already receiving it.

My ex already took me to family court last year and because the children were living with him and have no relationship with me currently, the judge ordered that they live with him but have contact with me. This hasn’t made any difference, I haven’t heard from them and didn’t even get a thanks for the Christmas presents I bought them. The courts are useless and aren’t going to help me, nobody listened to the fact I’ve been alienated at all or that this is all money driven from him not wanting to pay maintenance.

The whole situation is money driven OP. By YOU. Your greed. Your selfishness. You say you haven’t heard from your children - contact is up to YOU not them. They are children. You are allegedly the adult.
You alienated yourself.

YOU alienated you children, not him.

Stop lying to yourself for starters if you truly want to rebuild your relationships with your children!!!!

YOU have caused all this. By your greed and self-entitlement.

Until you truly accept this your children may continue to ignore you.

Oh. My. God. 😳

Remind us, who was it that got greedy and only put a claim in because they found out he was earning more and wanted his money for themselves?

Just skimming back a bit and I had forgotten about this great bit of the thread where OP said she wasn't planning to lie but if SOMEHOW they were given conflicting information would that work in her favour.

This is absolute nuts. Anyone can see the pattern here. OP only replies to people she thinks agree with her and might sympathise with her but ignores everyone else that has been correct all along. I’m seriously starting to wonder about her sanity now. This bloody mindedness in the concrete face of all the evidence that everyone else was right and that she herself is the problem is utterly astounding. It’s just not normal.

Do you have learning difficulties?

It's the only thing left to explain your "understanding" of your actions.

He was paying maintenance. You went for more, and you did lie to CMS. You posted here about how you shared care etc but you told CMS that you did it all.

We all told you exactly what would happen. You didn’t believe us. When he went for child benefit, we told you exactly what would happen but you wouldn’t listen. Everything happened exactly the way every poster said it would. But you didn’t listen, and you still don’t listen.

You went after money you weren’t entitled to, by lying or omitting the truth. You have never once taken responsibility for that or apologised to him.

He is now entitled to maintenance from you. He isn’t going after anything. He is entitled to it. You’re the one who went after money you didn’t deserve and weren’t entitled to.

It sounds like he told the kids the truth. And they’ve made a decision based on your awful behaviour.

Stop lying, to yourself and to everyone else. The only way you might get your kids back is to fully admit how wrong you were right at the start, and to fully admit how wrong you were when you fought the child benefit claim and for not paying the maintenance your ex is now due from you.

If you want your kids back then you need to take full responsibility for your behaviour. This isn’t CMS fault; you lied to them too.

OP - you need to start by thinking/saying “oh shit, I’ve screwed up. I’m so sorry”
Until you take responsibility for this mess, you won’t be able to start building any bridges. If only you would just say “all my fault, I made a huge mistake, I’m sorry”, you have no conversation starter with either your Ex or or children. It’s your only way forward.

My ex already took me to family court last year and because the children were living with him and have no relationship with me currently, the judge ordered that they live with him but have contact with me. This hasn’t made any difference, I haven’t heard from them and didn’t even get a thanks for the Christmas presents I bought them. The courts are useless and aren’t going to help me, nobody listened to the fact I’ve been alienated at all or that this is all money driven from him not wanting to pay maintenance.

You have to be a troll. I feel so sorry for your children if you're not.

The re-writing of history in your posts is unreal.

It's all money driven for sure, but by you. He was paying you maintenance, despite the fact you were 50/50. You were claiming both CB's despite the fact they could have been split. You were getting £375 that you weren't entitled to, but out of goodness he was allowing you to have.

You caused this. And you've no chance of rebuilding anything with your children until you realise this and start acknowledging it.

Your greed when you heard of his payrise has cost everything.

I'm genuinely hoping now it's a troll. A good troll that's had us all reeled in.

Because those poor kids have no chance of rebuilding their relationship with their mother if she still cannot see that this is all her doing.

I can well believe it’s real, unfortunately.

It’s astonishing how many people are willing to go against all advice, even advice from their solicitor, and utterly fuck themselves (and their children) over because their cousin’s friend’s brother’s bricklayer assured them that their ex would have to give them X, Y, and/or Z. Then, when it inevitably blows up in their face, they proceed to screech in much the same way as OP is doing now. It’s always everyone else’s fault, of course. Never their own.

No they don't need Ring doorbell evidence - how do you think they managed before?

I would really give this up - you lost the gamble. Just be happy with whst you get.