Child Benefit Rival Claim Ex Partner Earning Loads!!!!! part 2

[ProlongedAffair]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5294980-child-benefit-rival-claim-ex-partner-earning-loads?reply=144269354

I can’t write on the previous thread anymore, so I’ve created this one for people interested in the outcome of the CMS case. I’m committed to telling people what the outcome is regardless of whether it goes my way or not.

You could say the same about my ex.

That’s so sad that it’s come to this. I do hope you can re-build your relationship with your DC one day. My ex paid me a big fat zero over 15yrs (until I put my foot down and he gave me a lump sum) but do you know how much of that my kids knew? None of it. As i’d have never said to my children that the father they loved never paid a penny for them directly to me. So not sure why people are justifying this dad turning his children against OP.

Children don’t need to be dragged into this kind of thing. My ex even moved overseas 3 times and do you think I used that to point score and make the kids believe their dad didn’t care as much about them as I did? Absolutely not. I’d have been so upset if my children’s relationship with their dad broke down. Sorry but this dad is not putting his DC first and just using this to point score. Awful behaviour.

he hasn’t turned his children against the OP. she did that all by herself. She’s the one who destroyed her relationship with them but clearly because she’s a woman you want to blame him.

Sorry but OP didn’t put her DC first she put greed first. She’s the one with awful behaviour but as I said you’ll stand by her purely because she’s a woman and therefore can do nothing wrong. Shame

You could but only if you completely ignore the fact that before you went on this fool's errand he was happy for you to claim all the CB plus he was voluntarily paying you £300 a month.

But that wasn't enough for you. And even when you started down this path and he gave you more than one chance to back down, your greed blinded you to reality and you only listened to what you wanted to hear.

I'm genuinely sorry that your children have turned their backs on you but this is a consequence of your choices.

OP was told that she could claim. There is misinformation on the CMS webpage, and needs addressing. Why allow claims and give out incorrect advice.

Even if my ex had tried to get money from me when he wasn’t really entitled to, do you think it would have been appropriate for me to say hey kids, your dad is trying to scam me out of some money for you kids and start slagging him off? That’s my point, this kind of stuff should be kept between waring parents and not drag children into it. They are then obliged to take sides and always the case that they are influenced one way and don’t get the full picture. Leave children out of adults business. That is my point. I don’t care who is right or wrong with who should pay whom what. Kids shouldn’t know anything about that.

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Even if my ex had tried to get money from me when he wasn’t really entitled to, do you think it would have been appropriate for me to say hey kids, your dad is trying to scam me out of some money for you kids and start slagging him off? That’s my point, this kind of stuff should be kept between waring parents and not drag children into it. They are then obliged to take sides and always the case that they are influenced one way and don’t get the full picture. Leave children out of adults business. That is my point. I don’t care who is right or wrong with who should pay whom what. Kids shouldn’t know anything about that.

You don't know that he did any of this. My ex thinks that I "poisoned" our kids against him, but I've never said a bad word about him to them. They saw his behavior and made their own judgment, which resulted in them not having a relationship with him. OP had proven herself, at the very least, to be an unreliable narrator.

What happened was they started asking questions and their dad then got in their first and twisted the situation so I’m the awful one. I sacrificed my career for years and did all caring whilst he was a weekend dad for a very long time, so out of principle I think he should have just paid the maintenance rather than doing all of this that has resulted in my children currently not speaking to or seeing me, their mum who has cared for them diligently for years whilst he was off having multiple girlfriends and climbing the career ladder without a care in the world.

There was no twisting.

You pushed for more money and even when he offered an out you still wanted to be proven right and well you were proven wrong and lost both your children.

He was already paying you when he clearly did not need to, you already got the child benefit. You were greedy. You scarified your children for cash.

can’t twist that.

But as posters have said, time and time again, it’s not about what happened in the past. CMS is based on what is happening now.

You’re the one who took things too far. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

By the way, are you giving him maintenance now as it’s no longer 50/50?

It cant be so simple as they wont speak to you because you wanted him to pay more ? Kids are not usually that involved in the money side . Well they shouldnt be anyway .
Must be more to why they wont speak to you .
I hope you can get it sorted.

No I’m not paying him a penny, if he wants it he can instruct CMS to take it from me.

But, as he has the children 100% of the time, surely you should willingly give him maintenance. Out of principle.

They’ve been told that I went after their dad for money that I wasn’t entitled to and caused him (and his gf) acute stress with the loss of money (ha, yeah right) legal process and claims, even though I was on the receiving end of his court requests and I was the one who lost the child benefit.

He was paying you maintenance out of principle. He was paying £300 when you were owed none, so £300 more than required. Yet you still wanted more.

And he paid you £1000 a month when he had the children less.

So telling the children - teenagers who are old enough to ask questions that need answered - that he's always paid his way and you went after more isn't twisting things. It's just accurate.

Your steadfast refusal to listen to any advice other than that that agreed and refusal to accept the chances offered to you by your ex to back down with you has been your downfall. You'll never rebuild your relationships until you accept responsibility

By the way, I think your attitude towards this whole situation is very telling, and it’s no surprise your relationship with your children has gone the way it has. I sincerely hope you can reflect on what your actions have led to, and are able to fix things, but the whole ‘woe is me, it’s not my fault’ really isn’t going to help you

They’ve been told that I went after their dad for money that I wasn’t entitled to and caused him (and his gf) acute stress with the loss of money (ha, yeah right) legal process and claims, even though I was on the receiving end of his court requests and I was the one who lost the child benefit.

That's absolutely accurate though.

You did go after money you weren't entitled to, will have caused stress with your greed. You forced him to defence your push for money and the CB was the only way he could do that.

That’s exactly what you did do, going on the information you have provided

But thats true? You admitted yourself up thead, he wanted to sort this out amicably at some stage but you continued to fight. You just wanted money, yet now won't pay him anything in spite of him having the kids full time

I think you should wrote a letter to your ex apologising for your past greediness and for putting him through so much stress.

But don't if it wouldn't be sincere.

"They’ve been told that I went after their dad for money that I wasn’t entitled to and caused him (and his gf) acute stress" well based on your own posts this isn't untrue.

I have no experience of CMS, but even I knew what you claim to have not known primary carer. You really didn't need to have a long I think about taking responsibility for your own actions. Continuing to simply blame other people will just alienate your kids further.

Well we've all heard your side of the story directly from your own posts and almost everyone has agreed that you are the awful one, so maybe he didn't actually have to twist it.

Which is exactly what you did. He hasn’t damaged your relationship with your children, you’ve done that.

You lost out because, despite already receiving money you weren’t entitled to from him, that he was giving you on a completely voluntary basis, you decided to try and get more.

People on here were telling you from the beginning not to embark on this course of action, and telling you to stop pursuing it when you still had a chance to salvage the situation. Instead, you insisted on fucking yourself over every step of the way. So congratulations, you’ve got exactly what you asked for. Enjoy it.

And he was paying you maintenance over and above what he was required to during that time. He even continued paying child maintenance when you weren’t entitled to any from him at all, and allowed you to claim both lots of child benefit.

You weren’t entitled to all of what he did give you, never mind more.

This sounds bitter. You both made choices, and I doubt you'd have preferred being the weekend parent when they were little.

You think out of principle he should have given you money, he thinks out of principle you shouldnt have pursued it.

Youve no idea what if anything he told them. But honestly, reading this post in your words it sounds like youre blaming him for not giving you money you arent entitled to, blaming CMS, everyone but you. And you did have an original post where you considered if starting this was a good idea and it was all for money your kids didnt need.

You need to accept your fault in this, because its more your fault than anyone else's.

You need to let it all go and reach out to the kids, I hope you were able to send them their gifts