Child Benefit Rival Claim Ex Partner Earning Loads!!!!! part 2

[ProlongedAffair]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5294980-child-benefit-rival-claim-ex-partner-earning-loads?reply=144269354

I can’t write on the previous thread anymore, so I’ve created this one for people interested in the outcome of the CMS case. I’m committed to telling people what the outcome is regardless of whether it goes my way or not.

Of course you should pay towards your own children, whether they see you or not.

He may have been a Disney dad at one point, but he was also paying over and above what he was required to during that time. When he didn’t need to pay maintenance at all, he was still giving you hundreds and allowing you to claim both sets of child benefit. You were never without his financial support.

You were very fortunate to have the co-parenting relationship you did. You chose to blow it up. Behold the results of your own efforts.

Behold the results of your own efforts

Ever considered a tattoo, OP?

Once again, situations change. As it stands currently, you are legally required to pay him maintenance. You can’t argue with that. It doesn’t matter what he’s done in the past, he paid you maintenance when the children were with you (even when it was 50/50) and now the living arrangements have changed, it’s your turn to pay it to him.

Look, I get that you’re bitter about the situation, it can’t be easy, but it is what it is - you need to accept that and focus on building bridges with your children rather than getting one up on their dad.

I do think he's petty to go after you for CM when it sounds like he really doesn't need it and he said he didn't want it. But it sounds like you've refused to concede you were wrong to go after him so he's probably wanting to get his own back.

Thank you, he is extremely petty and just wants to punish me, just more abuse.

🤣🤣🤣

I have my daughter the majority of the time and I earn twice what he does. I still expect him to contribute. Why shouldn't he? We're both her parents.

The wealth of the resident parent is entirely irrelevant. She owes financial support to her children, the same way he did when he was the NRP.

He paid her more maintenance than she was ever entitled to, yet she thinks she’s being abused because she’s required to pay the bare minimum. Laughable.

Was it abuse when you did it to him?

Ye are practically a carbon copy of each other.

He's expecting you to fulfil your legal and moral duty to provide financial support for your children.

If you see that as "punishment" then I suggest you join Fathers 4 Justice as you'll likely fit right in with all the other members who see it as outrageous they are expected to pay what they owe.

Except that in this case, he is asking OP to provide support when she is obliged to do so but isn't.

Previously the OP was expecting him to provide (more) support when he wasn't obliged to do so but nevertheless was. It's not the same.

Because he said from the start that he didn't want maintenance from her and it does sound like he only wants it because he's annoyed at her. Which in the same circumstances, I would be too and all of this could have been foreseen. I didn't say he wasn't entitled, just that from what OP has told her this is him retaliating rather than actually needing that money.

Yes, she had an excellent situation and she ruined it for herself. I don't think he's done anything wrong up to this point except that if he wanted maintenance he shouldn't have said he didn't. I would also say that OP has suffered enough but as she still hasn't acknowledged she's wrong, maybe not. She's had so many opportunities to apologise.

It's not abuse. Maybe he does want to punish you because you put him through all this stress, but it's not abuse to be annoyed at someone who has treated you badly.

@ProlongedAffair a bit of humble pie way back would have saved all this.
You've chosen your path in this. Along the way you've alienated him so much that all goodwill is long gone. And there was a lot at the start.
He's entitled to claim from you whether he needs it or not or whatever he's said in the past about not wanting the money. He's changed his stance because of all that's happened. Resent it as much as you like but that's how it is. Line drawn.

Yes it’s exactly that, him retaliating rather than needing the money, he knows how much I am suffering.

And what has caused your suffering OP?

This isn’t abuse OP, far from it. You have to pay for your children, being a woman doesn’t make you exempt.

Have you approached him, said how sorry you are and that you recognise now that you were wrong to do what you did, that you're not sure what came over you and once it all started it got a bit out of hand, and you would really like to work with him to come to a fair arrangement to contribute to your children's upbringing and to find a pathway back to having contact with them?

Or have you told him and the children that this is all his fault/ CMS's fault and he's abusive and cruel?

From memory, he said he didn’t want to take any money off you and was only opening the claim to protect himself when you shared custody 50/50. You have then played silly buggers for months, resulting in both your children spending more and more time with your ex until they’ve moved there full time. A COMPLETELY different situation from 50/50 care and you potentially giving him a token amount.

It doesn’t matter what he earns, you should still WANT to support your children. Why wouldn’t you? The more you push back against the situation as it stands, the more damage you will do to the relationship you have with your children.

Stop being a deadbeat mum and pay for your children.

Maybe his come to realise what we say on here to all mums. The money if for the children they are legally entitled to it regardless of if he needs it. Maybe he will put it into accounts for them.

Either way stop being what women hate about men.

You’ve done this to yourself and your children all the blame lay at your feet.

Do you even need to ask?

When they had 50/50 he didn't want any money. But circumstances changed. She was feeding them, clothing them, etc., 50% (actually slightly less) of the time. Now she's contributing 0% to their upkeep.

Asking for maintenance doesn't mean he's being vengeful. Maybe he just feels she should be contributing something rather than nothing.

The hypocrisy though 😳

You wanted more than the several hundred he already gave you when you were 50/50 or as close as you could get (I know you disagree about doctors registration or minor admin responsibilities and such 🙄)

But now he has your children ALL OF THE TIME, you think he’s unreasonable for wanting a contribution??

I hope to god you’re a troll because the lack of self awareness is, frankly, terrifying