DS(8) not invited to party

[idontunderstandwhy]

Dh used to compete and be a sports coach so we have a section of our garden built up and dedicated to that sport. He just teaches our dc and they play there now.

Ds has mostly had garden parties and then and on play dates his friends play there also.

Mum of one of his friends at a past play date mentioned her ds would love to learn do the sport and do something like this for his birthday but couldn’t find anywhere near.
Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else.

It was then agreed her ds could have his party in our garden and borrow equipment we had but that obviously over wise party organising is her responsibility. She has other entertainment, food arranged ect, party is quite soon.

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead. And as it’s an out of school friend he would only know a few of kids anyway.

She never specifically said ds was invited we just assumed and we probably agreed based on that assumption.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion.

AIBU it’s only fair ds goes?

I would reply simply....You're joking, right?? No sane adult could think this is an ok request!

It’s not great. However, it’s the sort of thing that might fleetingly pass through many parents’ minds but is inappropriate to voice, especially to the person doing you an enormous favour. Whereas the original is outright mean towards OP and her DS and hugely entitled.

So you’re talking about the difference between being socially awkward or just plain nasty. The first I’d treat very differently from the second.

So this party - it is soon . Tomorrow?

I think the birthday boy would be gutted if it was cancelled and the other guests .I also think trying to add a fee or insurance is too late in the day
Say to the CF mum " I donknow what you're thinking but my DS is looking forward to seeing his friends . We are happy to let you use our facilities as friends . And I'm guessing you want my DH on board to coach / supervise? So my DS will be there and be made welcome . No hint of hostility from you . Its in your court . "

Then she knows uif she wants to throw the baby out with the bathwater it's on her .

What have I just read..beggars belief the sheer stupidity of the woman in question. Shameless,horrible behaviour. This is one of those threads that will stay with me for quite some time.

Omg, this absolutely needs to be a storyline on Amandaland next season, with Amanda of course being the CF (you just know she'd pull this kind of self-absorbed crap!) 😂 I really hope Sharon Horgan and the other show writers are reading this 🤣

Your neighbor foolishly created a problem where there would likely have been none. Children know who the birthday boy is, and there may always be someone at a party who is more popular at school, or did she see to it that they weren't invited either. Her own son may be disappointed that his friend isn't there, and she might have her own explaining to do to him. "I didn't want ? there because he's better than you, and I thought your friends would like him more." Talk about destructive! Your son should definitely attend, and the choice to continue with the party at your house is hers.

I would reply and say I perfectly understand and agree, under the circumstances it would be best if she made other arrangements for the party elsewhere.

Bloody hell OP, you need to exhibit self respect here because she clearly believes you and your husband are total mugs.

I would be mortified to think that someone would believe that I would tolerate such unbelievable rudeness.

She is a CF.
Cut her down to size firmly.
The party is not being held in your home.
She was clearly thinking you would absent yourself and your own child.
Unbelievable.

That's really not nice of her. I just had my son's 9th birthday party yesterday and allowed parents to bring extra kids when needed even though each kid cost extra because the more the merrier and what adult would want a child to feel left out?

I wouldn't push her to invite your son. If you force her she'll resent him and it will make thing uncomfortable for him. Just tell her that's fine and that she'll have to find a new place to do the party, then let that be the end of that.

WOW! I thought this length of entitlement only happened in the US! I would be telling the woman to shove it and go somewhere else to have said party-OR- she will be charged $1000 for the use of the yard, pre-paid in advance with a $1000 non-refundable security deposit.

Is being a doormat your standard response when people ask you for a favor, even near total strangers?
You need to learn the word, "No."
This mother clearly let you know where you and your son stand in all of this and it's not as an invited member of the party.
It wouldn't surprise me if she came back asking if your husband can attend to coach the attendees on this sport but you and your son stay away, please?
You truly care entirely too much what other people think, to the extent you've imagined what she could say about yoi, but not even considered how people would react were you to tell them how she's treated you. You have the agency to defend yourself, 100%, with the truth but you can't seem to bring yourself to do it.
People who treat others poorly continue to do so because they count on the other person a fear or good nature to protect them from their bullying cloning to light.

Of course she won’t, as the op has already said that’s not really going to work and she’s agreed. She won’t come back to try again to exclude the ds, and the op is sufficiently incensed she would cancel the party if she did.

I'd confirm with her that your Son is invited now that she's backtracked then when the party is over & done with send her an invoice of costs. Itemise it so it covers hire of venue (your garden), hire of equipment, Cleaning of toilet facilities, tidying up fee etc. She assumed you'd be ok with your Son not attending, then you go ahead & assume she'd be paying for the privilege of using your home & equipment for the party. She's a total CF!

Erm wasn't the party last weekend?

God, someone made a mistake and commented without reading the entire thing. Big deal, who cares.

OP didn't say exactly when it was.

It’s hasn’t happened yet, it’s on Friday. Keen to just get it over and done with now though.

@idontunderstandwhy I just wanted to let you know that this thread has made a large American media outlet’s news (People magazine) and they’ve written an article about it that just turned up in my feed. I don’t even read their stuff but the algorithm must have known since I commented. Not sure if you want to get the thread taken down…

https://people.com/mom-says-son-8-not-invited-to-party-because-he-will-steal-other-kids-shine-11714131

Wow, that’s weird. Thankyou for letting me know though.

I name changed and was trying to be discreet but
if she sees it then she’s obviously going to know it’s about her and that’s fine, I don’t think I’ve said anything unfair that I wouldn’t say to her face.

Are you joking? It's OP's house, of course her kid is going to be there.

How about respecting that is is HER home and HER garden and her son has been asked to hide away?

Fortunately the OP has already said the CF mother has backtracked, probably realising that if someone generously shares their home, garden and possessions with you FREE of charge, you don’t shit all over the feelings of the host’s child.

Someone Stateside who has picked this up from the article above, I suspect. Probably voted for Trump…

I've reported your vile post
I'm not so bothered about the use of the K name but "tard"
Catch yourself on

She is insane to think this is ok
What a cheeky cow, I wouldn’t worry about you coming across badly for cancelling
This is 100% on her and her crazy entitlement

Are they trying to make Mumsnet great again? 😂