DS(8) not invited to party

[idontunderstandwhy]

Dh used to compete and be a sports coach so we have a section of our garden built up and dedicated to that sport. He just teaches our dc and they play there now.

Ds has mostly had garden parties and then and on play dates his friends play there also.

Mum of one of his friends at a past play date mentioned her ds would love to learn do the sport and do something like this for his birthday but couldn’t find anywhere near.
Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else.

It was then agreed her ds could have his party in our garden and borrow equipment we had but that obviously over wise party organising is her responsibility. She has other entertainment, food arranged ect, party is quite soon.

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead. And as it’s an out of school friend he would only know a few of kids anyway.

She never specifically said ds was invited we just assumed and we probably agreed based on that assumption.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion.

AIBU it’s only fair ds goes?

You beat me to it!! 😊
It should have been a foregone conclusion that your DS would be at the party being held in 'his' garden the use off which was offered out of the goodness of your DH's heart!!😇
Anyone who doesn't understand that without it being explained to them needs to give their head a serious very hard wobble and you should not have to be in the position of having to do that explaining...she needs to find somewhere else for her party and take her seriously entitled and rather stupid attitude with her PDQ as far as I'm concerned!!🙄

I'd send her all these replies. Maybe she hasn't realised she's being a cheeky cow?

Absolutely fine. The important thing is that DS becomes a host (it's his garden, after all) and helps CFDS to feel like a birthday boy. The OP should work with CF mum to ensure this is a learning experience which everyone enjoys rather than a competition where someone (who is not the birthday boy lol) shines, which seems to me to be what CFmum is scared about.

This

wow. Just… wow. Your son- and family are being kind enough to share his/your home and equipment in order for this ‘friend’ to have a good time on his birthday- and she wants to exclude dS and keep him out of his own garden while other children are playing with his things and partying . Andshes not paying for the inconvenience to you all. un-effing-believable!! There is sone good advice above. Good luck! X

Is your husband helping them use the equipment during the party and presumably you will be overseeing other things so who does she expect to look after your son during this time or does she expect you to not be involved.

Send her this thread! Then wait for her reply!

Happy to use your home and your equipment to host her child’s party and somehow thinks it’s okay to suggest your child isn’t welcome to attend in their own home?! How bloody rude!

Have you arranged all the logistical elements with her? You said she is sorting food but does that include plates/cups/napkins etc. Is she bringing the cleaning stuff to tidy up after or do you need to sort that. Who’s making sure the toilet has plenty of toilet paper?
its good to make sure you are fully aligned on all things and try ensure it doesn’t end up costing you.

I'm confused, is this still going ahead?

Nope. No party at all.

Agree expecting the son to stay in the house is beyond ridiculous. The only way it could possibly work is to take him out for the day but then you wouldn’t be there to supervise what was happening / help with the equipment etc and the son would still be confused why he was going out when his friend was coming over

But even what she is saying she meant is not appropriate

I've been waiting to see what your DH said when you told him. He made a very kind offer and this is how she treats his DS! Please let us know what he said about this.

I should imagine so-with the son invited under sufferance!

So effectively the CF still gets the party? Think I might start acting like an arse to get what I want in future...🤔🙄

I wouldn’t vacate the house, I’d need to be there to check that none of the little darlings ran rampages through the garden or annexe and damaged or stole the equipment or destroyed the garden.

If the little darlings enjoy themselves they will be wanting to come back - expect lots more checks requests even kids breaking into your garden if people know when you go away.

Also is it her DS telling her he doesn’t want your son there because if that’s the case he’s not a real friend and maybe the “play dates” have been to allow cheeky mum some child free time.

If this is the case then they should never have accepted the offer to have the party there and she also needs to be firm with her son here.

I really can’t believe you are asking this question, I am raging for you.

Tell the woman your son is going to the party, as it’s in YOUR hours, explain to her if he’s not invited then there won’t be a party in YOUR house.

Im sorry OP but she obviously doesn’t like you or your son, so you don’t have anything to loose, don’t try and be friends with her.

If there is any fallout so what, you don’t want your son friends with people like that.

If you do go the party make sure your son shows off his skills infront of everyone there. I would make a point of saying to people ‘ah can you believe she told us not to come in case my son took the shine of hers’

Good luck OP, don’t be spineless, this will be good for you ❤️

Why though? The son isn't wanted at the party. Would you be comfortable your child only being asked to a party just because you kicked up a fuss? Op needs to withdraw her offer asap just for them being a complete CF.

I think now she’s backtracked and said she doesn’t know how it will work the party is on, but you can always reply coolly ‘there will always be some kids who are pretty good at something, but if you want to cancel we’d understand.’

her son won’t know this happened though and is excited about it, plus the other boy hasn’t done anything wrong. Still hosting the party is fine!

But the mum knows.

It’s only the CF of a mum who doesn’t want him there !

everyone else may like him? And secretly be made up he’s there