Page 18 | DS(8) not invited to party

Flamingoknees · 10/04/2025 07:35

The garden is no longer available due to your utter rudeness, entitlement and cruel behaviour towards our son.
Piss Off (optional).

CautiousLurker01 · 10/04/2025 07:37

StopGo · 10/04/2025 06:32

Are you adequately insured and risk assessments in place?

I genuinely think this shoud be a concern.. for example, if it’s cricket every child needs a groin guard and helmet; if its quad biking then similar if its archery then again there needs to be safety equipment and supervision. Also, have you made arrangements to be reimbursed if any of the equipment gets damaged? or is your husband expected to supervise/lead when his son is not there?

I think it was lovely of your DH to offer the space etc for the party, but I really do think you risk being very exposed if there are any issues and the was CF mum has behaved indicates she’s high risk for likely calling foul if anything goes wrong.

I truly would go back to her, even if she has backtracked on DS attending, and state that you realise now that it is too big a risk for you to allow her to hold her event and withdraw the offer.

Movingonup313 · 10/04/2025 07:40

The attitudes of some mums is just bonkers. Did she vet the skills base of the other attendees to see if they were of a lower quality/range than her own son?! I see she has now back tracked. I'd be keeping my distance after the party. She is not share your values. You extended generosity and she has slapped you in the face - twice - the first text and the insulting back track. If your son shines then so he should - so long as he appropriately takes turns and is a good team player. (Or maybe stick a plaster cast on vital limbs for the day..... joke)

Iamnotalemming · 10/04/2025 07:53

Well done OP. You're a good Mum and I doubt you'll be doing this woman any favours again in the future.

On the day of the party please also make it clear that she is expected to clean up fully afterwards.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 10/04/2025 08:01

GRex · 09/04/2025 14:52

she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead

This is amazing. I'd have an awful lot of responses. As your preferred option is DS going, I'd keep it clear and simple.

"It looks like you've mixed up a favour we offered for our son's friend with you having the right to exclude our family from access to our garden. It's entirely your decision who you invite to [your DS]'s party, but you will not hold an event at my son's home while excluding him from the party, that would obviously be bonkers. Let us know your decision once you've had a moment to think."

This ^^ you need to state the bleeding obvious here.

And make this the last offer too. You don’t want other CFs thinking you’re a free party venue! I’d be rescinding your kind DHs offer for the kid to practice at your place to

ExpressCheckout · 10/04/2025 08:23

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 20:34

This is roughly what I said.
she has backtracked and apologised saying she wasn’t not inviting him just worried about how party being at DS’s house would affect the day for her DS

Show quote history

Well, there is a glimmer of self-awareness there, I suppose. At least you now know not to involve her in any of your plans in future. Just be mindful to allow things to flow naturally at the event and don't subconsciously allow her DS to 'win' etc. If your boy wins, he wins.

Needspaceforlego · 10/04/2025 08:30

treesandsun · 10/04/2025 00:14

Totally agree - bet she saw her free venue which had been kindly offered as a favour disappearing for her child because of her appallingly rude behaviour. The absolute brass neck of her..

Show quote history

Yip and really she knew she needed to back track. There was no other reasonable response to that message.

But id be wary of offering your garden up for parties again.

And i hope nothing gets damaged

bigboykitty · 10/04/2025 09:25

I would be clear with your H that should she seek to repeat this next birthday, the answer will be a firm no.

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 10/04/2025 09:52

@murasaki
All done! Wasn't as bad as I expected, altho' I look like a hamster at the moment...!

murasaki · 10/04/2025 11:29

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 10/04/2025 09:52

@murasaki
All done! Wasn't as bad as I expected, altho' I look like a hamster at the moment...!

Glad it wasn't too bad. I have dentist phobia so the delay would have really stressed me out.

Aworldofwonder · 10/04/2025 11:57

What an utter cow she is. I'd be so tempted to fuck her and her party off but after some deep breaths I'd do the same as you OP for my child's sake - I'd let her go ahead with DS now included and pretend to believe it was a misunderstanding.

However I'd make sure she cleaned the annexe and garden and I wouldn't give her the time of day after this.

mangomaggie · 10/04/2025 12:51

I think you say it cannot be the case that your own son can't attend something in his own back garden and are sure she'll understand. She can pay and do a different party if not

The13thFairy · 10/04/2025 13:28

Were they planning on using your bathroom, too?

Chattie89 · 10/04/2025 14:00

I thought I'd heard it all on here but this takes the fucking cake.

You're nicer than me OP I would probably have just immediately told her the party's cancelled and she can fuck off.

FormerlySpeckledyHen · 10/04/2025 15:26

Is this resolved now @idontunderstandwhy ?

Girlsjustwannahavefunno1 · 10/04/2025 17:11

You are being a pushover. Sorry.
It's not on you to correct others behaviour.
Why would any decent human being think it was ok ?!

Pettyasfcuk · 10/04/2025 17:51

I personally would let the party go ahead, you don't wanna be the reason all those children go home unhappy, however I would block that parent and her darling angel at the door and tell them they aren't welcome, then celebrate his birthday without him

laraitopbanana · 10/04/2025 17:55

Hi op,

yeah if your kids can’t come to the party in their garden, unfortunately, the party won’t happen. That simple.

I hope she feels baaaaaad when she receives your text. Excluding your DS while enjoying all of his stuff! What a horrible woman. Maybe she would like you to go out also so people don’t think it isn’t her house?

😳😳😳

Cerealkiller9000 · 10/04/2025 17:57

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:01

Dh used to compete and be a sports coach so we have a section of our garden built up and dedicated to that sport. He just teaches our dc and they play there now.

Ds has mostly had garden parties and then and on play dates his friends play there also.

Mum of one of his friends at a past play date mentioned her ds would love to learn do the sport and do something like this for his birthday but couldn’t find anywhere near.
Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else.

It was then agreed her ds could have his party in our garden and borrow equipment we had but that obviously over wise party organising is her responsibility. She has other entertainment, food arranged ect, party is quite soon.

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead. And as it’s an out of school friend he would only know a few of kids anyway.

She never specifically said ds was invited we just assumed and we probably agreed based on that assumption.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion.

AIBU it’s only fair ds goes?

Take away the offer!!!

good lord how spiteful is she

Lollylucyclark101 · 10/04/2025 17:59

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:01

Dh used to compete and be a sports coach so we have a section of our garden built up and dedicated to that sport. He just teaches our dc and they play there now.

Ds has mostly had garden parties and then and on play dates his friends play there also.

Mum of one of his friends at a past play date mentioned her ds would love to learn do the sport and do something like this for his birthday but couldn’t find anywhere near.
Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else.

It was then agreed her ds could have his party in our garden and borrow equipment we had but that obviously over wise party organising is her responsibility. She has other entertainment, food arranged ect, party is quite soon.

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead. And as it’s an out of school friend he would only know a few of kids anyway.

She never specifically said ds was invited we just assumed and we probably agreed based on that assumption.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion.

AIBU it’s only fair ds goes?

I’d decline the offer and just tell her to find somewhere else to have the party.

latobatele · 10/04/2025 18:05

I am mostly surprised you are even entertaining the idea. That woman is a low key bully. I think she is envious of your kid. That my dear is even enough to stay away ftom her

croydon15 · 10/04/2025 18:11

Dollshousedolly · 09/04/2025 14:05

I’d be telling her that your garden space is no longer available for the party.

This

Trishthedish · 10/04/2025 18:16

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:08

Thankyou for the replies, I hadn’t yet replied but needed to check I wasn’t being unreasonable and missing something.

Party is very soon and would be putting her out a lot to cancel. I think the most reasonable option would be to just insist it’s only fair that ds gets to go and I think she would agree to that above cancelling the whole party.

”I think she would agree to that” too right she’ll agree. How rude and entitled of her. I would be delighted f someone would do this for my child and at the very least would arrive with bubbly for you. I’m so flabbergasted on your behalf.

croydon15 · 10/04/2025 18:18

Are you charging this cf ?

Marosanne · 10/04/2025 18:21

Totally agree, that's ridiculous, take back the offer!!!