DS(8) not invited to party

[idontunderstandwhy]

Dh used to compete and be a sports coach so we have a section of our garden built up and dedicated to that sport. He just teaches our dc and they play there now.

Ds has mostly had garden parties and then and on play dates his friends play there also.

Mum of one of his friends at a past play date mentioned her ds would love to learn do the sport and do something like this for his birthday but couldn’t find anywhere near.
Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else.

It was then agreed her ds could have his party in our garden and borrow equipment we had but that obviously over wise party organising is her responsibility. She has other entertainment, food arranged ect, party is quite soon.

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead. And as it’s an out of school friend he would only know a few of kids anyway.

She never specifically said ds was invited we just assumed and we probably agreed based on that assumption.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion.

AIBU it’s only fair ds goes?

Even if your son is invited now i’d be worried she would purposely exclude him from showcasing his talent to let her son ‘shine’… you should stick around and keep popping out

The way I would text her to say "unfortunately, my backyard is not available after all, as wouldn't you know, my son is hosting a sports camp party in the back yard that same day!"

It's unfortunate that the kid is having to suffer because of their mom. I doubt she will get better with time. I doubt this is the first time she was unhinged.

Why haven’t you cancelled? I wouldn’t want anything to do with someone who wanted to use my house and asked for my child to hide in their bedroom! Even if he’s invited to play in his own garden, the damage had been done.

Omg. It is still going ahead?! Your house needs to the a safe place for your child.

I’d also be a bit worried about her behaviour towards your son. Can you ask any friends to come round too, to help keep an eye out on the proceedings?

There is no way I would be letting this party go ahead at even the first whiff of the mum not wanting my son there in his own garden with his friends! Who cares if she bitches and moans about you, this is your son. Do you honestly not think she will bitch and moan if your sons goes to the party and outshines her child? Either way you will be getting gossiped about, and as a parent I would much rather that gossip be about me than my son.

If nothing else you can show anyone who questions it, the messages she sent asking your son to stay inside!

I would be honest with your son about the reasons why as well. He needs to know his parents will stand up for him, no matter what.

Cancel the party, this is the other mums fault, not yours!

please let us know how it goes OP - I think you’ve done the right thing in your response

Can't believe the OP is still letting it go ahead. Where's your backbone? 🙄

I am thinking that the OP is considering the other party guests - they will be looking forward to this party especially if its a sport they want to try out and haven't had the opportunity.
Maybe her DH ( who was a competitor and coach in this sport) is thinking " this is a chance to get kids into sport,off the streets and maybe for some a long term interest in it"

As long as the CF Mum doesn't exclude the OP DS the I think the event should go ahead with the good intention it was offered .......BUT the CF mum is 100% aware that the OP isn't doing it for her benefit , it is for the party goers.

Then after ( and after the CF mum tidies up ) no more favours . No more use of the facilities . She can bugger right off .
She has truly burned her bridges.

The CF had already burnt her bridges when she said the son wouldn't be allowed in his own garden,yet here we are. Still getting the party despite all this 🙄🤷‍♀️🤦‍♂️Some people are such a walkover 🙄

I don’t think this is OP showing a lack of backbone or being a pushover, rather I think she’s showing lots of kindness and compassion towards the other child in her decision to let the party go ahead. I imagine that child would be gutted if his party was cancelled (especially on account of his mother’s silly behaviour although admittedly he would probably never know that was the reason which was cancelled)

Having said that, I hope OP doesn’t ever offer anything like this to CF mum again who has very much shown her true colours and burned the bridges. I think every school has a few parents like this and when you recognise them it’s best to avoid them like proverbial plague.

Why? Why all the charges when there was no charge initially. OP wants a cordial, if not pleasant, relationship with her neighbor for herself and her son. The neighbor made a foolish request which sounds like she now regrets. No purpose would be served in billing her out of spite, and proving to deliberated be a nastier person than birthday boy's mom was. OP, if she still hopes to have the party in your yard, WITH your son in attendance, she'll see that all went well as far as the kids are concerned, she'll probably feel foolish, and you should just let it go. It's a first offense, not a normal occurrence.

The cf is not having a party. Her 8yo son is.

I know that. Ok CF of the birthday boy.

How was the party?

How did the party go yesterday?

Impeccable timing 😂

Thankyou for asking @ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself@NewAgeNewMe
It was fine, all the kids had a great time. Didn’t really talk to party mum much but she had other quests to entertain, she stayed and tidied after but not heard anything since. We will be limiting contact and not giving her anymore generosity whilst letting Ds keep his friend.

Mmm I'm hoping there was some flowers or chocolates or wine as a sign of her appreciation but from what you've said I'm not holding my breath

Well done. Sounds like it went the best it could in the circumstances. Thank you for coming back to let us know. I hope she got you a gift!

This, did she even say thank you?

Glad to hear it went reasonably well. Hope your husband realises he needs to run any such offers past you - before making them - in future!

Did she give you a thank you present?

Yes she did say Thank-you when they got there and before she left.
we wouldn’t have wanted a gift but maybe expected a proper Thankyou text once she got home or the next day.

Not unreasonable in the slightest to expect that. Cutting her off without spoiling the friendship between the boys will be a challenge, but I'd be avoiding her if possible. Strictly hello and goodbye. Good luck. And your DH needs to understand that it wasn't ok to say yes.