DS(8) not invited to party

[idontunderstandwhy]

Dh used to compete and be a sports coach so we have a section of our garden built up and dedicated to that sport. He just teaches our dc and they play there now.

Ds has mostly had garden parties and then and on play dates his friends play there also.

Mum of one of his friends at a past play date mentioned her ds would love to learn do the sport and do something like this for his birthday but couldn’t find anywhere near.
Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else.

It was then agreed her ds could have his party in our garden and borrow equipment we had but that obviously over wise party organising is her responsibility. She has other entertainment, food arranged ect, party is quite soon.

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead. And as it’s an out of school friend he would only know a few of kids anyway.

She never specifically said ds was invited we just assumed and we probably agreed based on that assumption.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion.

AIBU it’s only fair ds goes?

I think she has something very wrong with her. Tell her your son now plays at county for an older team and you are much too busy to have a party held at your property now

So how do you go about checking that every guest in your party is worse in an activity than your children, just so they can feel smug on their birthdays? Do you check there’s no tumblers on your lists in case of trampoline parks (my niece is an Olympic gymnast and would put most children in the world to shame)? No amazing footballers or swimmers for football or pool parties? No competitive horse riders for pony parties? Absolutely no one at all can excel in any activity at a party so that your children look better? What a poor way to raise a child

Repeat after me "No Invite - No Party"

I’m sorry but no… no, nope, nah. How dare she be as rude as she has been! Second I think this really hasn’t been thought about. Other posts have mentioned if anything happens to any of the children/equipment/property you are not covered. Are you seriously willing to take on all the responsibilities for someone else party who isn’t even a close friend. IMO I would cancel, I u seat and about the backlash but nothing and no one comes above your peace and happy place (home) too many red flags.

What a cheek.

i would also be concerned if one of the kids had an accident. Would this be your responsibility?

Is she for real?? The nerve of some people actually astounds me, it's bad enough when a child is excluded from a friend's party, but when that party is in that child's house that's a whole new level of wrong.
Tell her to find a new venue

I’m still struggling to understand how the other mum thought her request/demand/suggestion was in any way reasonable. It feels way beyond cheeky and down into depths of vindictive. I’ll have my son’s party at your house but your child isn’t really invited. Wow. Just wow. (I appreciate she did a back track and implied that’s not what she meant but clearly she did mean that. She’s had an ogre moment and thought her child’s perceived enjoyment of the day was more important than being kind. Yikes)

if you son is expected to stay in the house while the party goes ahead, say that's fine, but just in case the children get the wrong impression it's best they all stay in the garden for the duration of the party. so that means no access to the house, so no toilets, no hand washing etc, etc.. .

100% tell her to find another venue.
It's his home! Does she expect you to lock him in whilst his friends all play. Absolute cheek.

That's not just cheeky fuckery, that is just the most basic lack of manners

I get my eyes opened daily on here over the pure selfishness of people

Yes Im older, but Im of a generation where a kid in the street was having a birthday party, not only their school friends were invited, the whole street was. Not one parent would turn away a child from a party, invited or not

Totally entitled behaviour.
Inconsiderate, and unfair to your son.

I’m surprised and taken aback at your suggestion that [DS] shouldn’t be at the party. I understand you want the focus to be on your son, but I’m afraid I’m not going to be unfair and exclude my [DS] from his own home and garden. It’s a space he usually shares with his friends and enjoys himself.

Given that you obviously think differently , it would be best if you find an alternative venue for the party. We were more than happy to help and lend the space and equipment on the understanding that it would be a friendly, inclusive gathering, but it doesn’t feel right for our son to be sidelined in his own home. I hope you understand.

The property owner has a duty of care to make sure her premises are safe for visitors. If a child is injured on the property—say due to poor supervision, unsafe play equipment, or other hazards—a personal injury claim could be made on the child’s behalf.

Hopefully, the OP’s home insurance policy includes public liability cover for third-party use, such as parties or events. If it does, the insurer would typically handle any compensation.

If not, the OP could be personally liable for any injuries that occur on her property.

I don't know. I'm not the woman. I have no knowledge of how she raises her child. All I know is she's told the OP it will be an issue for her, and it will, because those things bother HER. And I'm suggesting when it is an issue, she will probably cause more hassle for OP by saying "I told you so.." and possibly also try to sideline OPs DS/accuse him of stealing the limelight etc. So if I were the OP I wouldn't entertain it for those reasons.

How close are you to the other mums? I'd make sure that everybody at this party knows that she asked you to keep your boy away. Maybe drop the link to this post in your whatsapp group.

Tell her due to insurance purposes it can't take place. How rude of her! You're not a licensed children's entertainment centre so I'd back fully away from them completely and avoid them for good. She's a silly cow.

Probably still breastfeeding little jonny too!

Honestly unbelievable. I’d cancel just on principle. That your family member’s home!

As a previous poster said she is a cheeky cow. Tell her they are no longer welcome to your nice offer.

I would text her the day before and say I have come down with novo virus
sorry can’t accommodate your party

Well then, don’t have a party at another child’s house 🙄. Honestly.

Why on earth would you do that to all those kids?

Have you cancelled the party? Say no to her using your property even if she reluctantly invites your son.

“It is cruel for a child to know others are partying in his garden and not be allowed to join them. For this reason I’m sorry but we must withdrawer the offer. If it was your child’s garden I’m sure you would feel the same.”

So, what’s she saying?

• Is she hinting she may pull out of having it at yours, have it elsewhere but not invite your DS?

• Or stressing to you (the people who’ve been kind and hospitable) about the potential negatives of your offer, while still going ahead?

• Or digging for assurances you’ll make sure your DS doesn’t lord it up over birthday boy?

She sounds a bit neurotic and/or unable to directly communicate.

THIS!