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AIBU?

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Original poster

My partner was "bullying" his 17 year old coworkers boyfriend "for fun" it's freaked me out beyond belief

215 replies

cdls · 18/12/2024 02:48

He said everyone and their co workers brought their partner to the night out. I never went because I was busy.

His 17 year old co worker brought her boyfriend and he said aw she complains about him all the time and I see why he does such weird things and kept going on. So he said he decided to "bully him for fun". He was saying things like aw you" fat ugly c**ny" to her boyfriend, "your the ugliest guy I've seen" and saying aw your girlfriends definitely getting railed by so many men right now, to "make him insecure". He said he got a lift home from his friend and got his friend to join in. Her boyfriend said aw can I jump in the lift. They said no you can't drove away but came back for him. Then him, his friend and other guys from the night out joined him calling him ugly, fat etc.

I'm freaked out so much. He told me this story so easily like it wasn't incredibly weird and I was weird for not laughing.

He is 28 and so I am. This girl is 17 and her boyfriend is 18. Why on earth would he do that?

He's never given me weird vibes like that but honestly that's unbelievably off and I haven't been able to even look at him.

How did his friends join in?? Is this just "lads humour"??? Is this normal for guy?? To me it's incredibly weird

OP posts:
DoYouReally · 18/12/2024 02:53

That's absolutely horrible, pure nasty.

I would be completely turned off, couldn't be with someone like that.

Redgreenred10 · 18/12/2024 02:54

No it’s not normal and would seriously bother me. He will probably say it’s just banter but that word is basically another word for bullying in my experience. Poor lad.

In fact it would bloody disgust me

Garlicwest · 18/12/2024 02:54

What the hell? No, that's not normal and I can't imagine why the others joined in, unless your DP's their boss and they felt they had to pick a side? I wonder if they really joined in, or just sat there silently cringing.

Redgreenred10 · 18/12/2024 02:54

How long have you been with him OP?
has he got form for belittling people

Original poster
cdls · 18/12/2024 02:57

@DoYouReally yeah that's exactly how I feel. He's never done anything like that before

And weirdly it's leading me to think he fancies the 17 year old he works with?? Surely not right like is that why he's bullying her boyfriend?? He did make a comment me at 28 is old (even though he's the same age)

I've never seen him behave this way

OP posts:
Original poster
cdls · 18/12/2024 02:57

@Redgreenred10 8 years and no I didn't think so anyway? I've personally never seen him do that

I know him and his friends joke about people like celebrities etc things like that but I didn't know he did it to people in person

OP posts:
Original poster
cdls · 18/12/2024 02:58

@Garlicwest no he isn't there boss. And he's only been there since September

OP posts:
Original poster
cdls · 18/12/2024 02:59

@Redgreenred10 yes that's exactly how I feel and 18 to me is a child. I could never say those things to someone who's as young as 18 let alone say them to anyone

It's disgusted me so much

OP posts:
Temporaryname158 · 18/12/2024 03:00

I’d sit down and talk to him and ask did he think you’d find it funny? Tell him how disgusted you are that he’d treat someone like that and what a bully he is.

id be dumping him. This is weird behaviour but also really nasty

LonelyInDville · 18/12/2024 03:22

My first thought is that he likes his coworker in more than a friend way. Regardless I would be done with him.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 18/12/2024 03:28

This is just disgusting behaviour. He’s showing himself to be an awful bully. I can’t see any way back from this.

Saddogowner22 · 18/12/2024 03:29

LonelyInDville · 18/12/2024 03:22

My first thought is that he likes his coworker in more than a friend way. Regardless I would be done with him.

This was my first thought too.

What a vile man, he is a bully and it's embarrassing he felt this was funny, i bet his new colleagues were not really joining in, or if they were they are as bad as him.

Oreyt · 18/12/2024 03:33

He was trying to show off to the girl.

I think he fancies her.

Either way 🤮🤮

CatsndtheBear · 18/12/2024 03:41

What a nasty, horrible man. Imagine him saying that to your child one day...

Absolutely vile.

I am guessing he fancies the girl also, which is disgusting at his age.

Throw this one back OP. You have soooo much time to find a genuine, decent, good guy (if that's what you want). Or be single and thankful you are away from this bully.

Because that is what he is, a bully and he will end up doing it to you and your family... I mean, he already is. He is calling you old at 28 to make you feel like you need to work to keep him and no one else would want you.

GallyGaff · 18/12/2024 03:42

He's given you a very valuable insight into the real person he is.
This is a warning sign - don't ignore.

WomenInConstruction · 18/12/2024 03:45

Vile. I don't know any men who would do that thankfully.

That relationship would be over for me. A very nasty side to him has just shown itself

Justsayit123 · 18/12/2024 03:47

thst is vile. I’d dump him as he is quite literally a piece of shit

JaneAustensHeroine · 18/12/2024 03:50

If you don’t live together and don’t have children then you are in the very best position to get out now. You have different values. This will become increasingly evident over time and you won’t be able to unsee it.

I left a relationship many years ago based on one incident where I observed my boyfriend at the time do something I considered mean. I have never regretted it.

AutoP1lot · 18/12/2024 03:55

I'm horrified that anyone could be so nasty. Don't let him convince you it was a joke. Jokes are supposed to be funny. He's an absolutely nasty piece of work and I'd judge you harshly for staying with him.

And yes, I think you can safely assume that he fancies this 17 year old child. Calling you old at 28 too. Grim.

Starlight7080 · 18/12/2024 03:56

That's awful. Did he not worry about this young man's mental health . Imagine having a bunch of grown men making you feel so bad about yourself.
And yes its very obvious he likes the 17 year old girl. Which is creepy in itself.
He has definitely shown his true colours. I hope you don't have children . What an awful role model .

Tuftykitten · 18/12/2024 04:02

It would be over for me.

tolerable · 18/12/2024 04:03

Regardless of zero previous and all and any fantastic qualities befre THIS - Your horror and disgust is absolutely merited.
To be absolutely truthful I would be inclined to seriously consider potentially an abslute dealbreaker.
It takes a special kind of cunt to intentionally attack anyone,at all,ever using personal features(regardless oof if true or not)..ridicule. Its abolutely horrendus,potentialy lifelong damaging and absolutely qualifies as intentional psycholigical abuse. Utterly repulsive bastard behaviour. Its entirely inexcuseble. Unforgiveable and no amount of alchohol,boredom or attempt to (boast) he considered entertainment justifies it..
What a cunt- worse still continued with back up from colleagues.so 3xcunts-against one 18yr old.
Dunno if indicates his "fancy " 17 year old.
Absolutely indicates absolutely no respect for her.

"your girlfriends getting railed..." seriously depraved . "to make him insecure"

Honestly i can not see a way back from that. no it is not lad having a laugh. No ,oh i went to far or unlikely ever happen apology touches the severity of his idea f fun.
17 year old girl - now has to face him n rest of gang-at work. !
Given hes been a 18yr old lad,intent was cause insecurity i genuinely hope the kid is ok. They are dispicable-the bullying bad enough ,remember this boyfriend outnumbered by 3 grown men-and not in position to attempt to defend or demand his gf not spoken about like that.
Outrageous.

Eyerollexpert · 18/12/2024 04:08

I teach a lot of young ppl especially lads this age, they are often already insecure in some ways and the "confident " ones are sometimes masking insecurities. This behaviour from your DP is awful, they are still growing up and I am always mindful how fragile they can be.
Bullying is bullying, the bullies excuse is always "banter" but putting someone down to have fun at their expense NOT on.

DreamCatchingSpiders · 18/12/2024 04:15

It's disgusting that he was talking about how many people this child has has had sex with. And what a disgusting, misogynistic way of speaking. Dirty fucking animal, that's what he is.

She's a colleague, and that was a work night out. I hope he gets the sack for being so vile.

LunaNorth · 18/12/2024 04:16

Pretty sure this could be an HR issue. A group of grown men taunting their 17 year old colleague’s boyfriend about her ‘getting railed’, presumably within earshot? God, I hope she fucking rinses them.

She won’t, though, because she’s literally a kid.

Your partner is disgusting, and the fact he told you all this stuff shows he has zero respect for you. He doesn’t give a fuck what you think - and he clearly hasn’t bothered to get to know you, if after eight years he thinks you’d find this funny.

He’d be dumped so fast he wouldn’t know what had happened. Do it now, so you can get a refund on the arsehole’s Christmas presents.