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Original poster

My partner was "bullying" his 17 year old coworkers boyfriend "for fun" it's freaked me out beyond belief

215 replies

cdls · 18/12/2024 02:48

He said everyone and their co workers brought their partner to the night out. I never went because I was busy.

His 17 year old co worker brought her boyfriend and he said aw she complains about him all the time and I see why he does such weird things and kept going on. So he said he decided to "bully him for fun". He was saying things like aw you" fat ugly c**ny" to her boyfriend, "your the ugliest guy I've seen" and saying aw your girlfriends definitely getting railed by so many men right now, to "make him insecure". He said he got a lift home from his friend and got his friend to join in. Her boyfriend said aw can I jump in the lift. They said no you can't drove away but came back for him. Then him, his friend and other guys from the night out joined him calling him ugly, fat etc.

I'm freaked out so much. He told me this story so easily like it wasn't incredibly weird and I was weird for not laughing.

He is 28 and so I am. This girl is 17 and her boyfriend is 18. Why on earth would he do that?

He's never given me weird vibes like that but honestly that's unbelievably off and I haven't been able to even look at him.

How did his friends join in?? Is this just "lads humour"??? Is this normal for guy?? To me it's incredibly weird

OP posts:
MondayTueWed · 18/12/2024 04:17

Dear god this is awful. Made my tummy hurt. That poor young lad!

Sorry OP but he's obviously got the hots for the 17 year old lass.

Your DP sounds vile, I think you've probably outgrown him. Hopefully you have no kids with him.

My third LTB in 20 years!!

EmotionalSupportCuttlefish · 18/12/2024 04:26

Go with your gut on this OP. He sounds like a kid of 11 and that is a massive turn off and red flag.

R053 · 18/12/2024 04:42

@cdls I think you are starting to get to know him better. People like that never reveal who they really are at the start of relationships, since they know it’s not acceptable behaviour and most potential partners would be put off.

whathaveiforgotten · 18/12/2024 04:46

I hope someone who overheard him reports him. Especially for making disgusting sexual comments about his colleague, who is legally a minor.

You ask why he did it. Because he's a cunt, that's why.

A bully and a misogynist too.

Don't waste your life on such a nasty prick.

I really hope he is reported.

Isatis · 18/12/2024 04:54

Most men grown out of thinking this is clever or funny by around the age of 16. I wonder if your partner realises the person he was showing up most was himself.

WishinAndHopin · 18/12/2024 04:58

This is grotesque and abnormal. He sounds like he’s jealously bullying the 18 year old boy because he fancies the 17 year old girlfriend.

Joking that his 17 year old girl colleague is getting railed by loads of men is sexual harassment of her and a disgusting and abnormal thing to say.

Picking on an 18 year old boy is pathetic and insecure behaviour. He would have had no choice but to laugh along so as not to ruin his girlfriend’s job.

Your emotional reaction to this is well-founded. If he thinks this behaviour is ok in public and to share with you, imagine what behaviours he keeps hidden.

He’s not a nice person. Bullying teens and making sexual comments about teenage girls is unforgivable.

It’s a mile wide red flag, and grounds to leave him.

You could inform his boss of his behaviour, which will be evidence should the 17 year old decide to speak up or he escalates against her.

I would suggest not naming the girl as then she’ll be asked directly, which will put pressure on her to report it which could cause retaliation.

Thevelvelletes · 18/12/2024 05:26

The sexual comment about the 17year old colleague is not on and he's playing with fire especially since he's only been there since September.
He really is a horrible individual if this is how he gets his kicks bullying has no place at work even on a work do.
Actually I hope he gets the dunt .

Azerothi · 18/12/2024 05:26

Do you live with this current boyfriend? I think your boyfriend has tried to shag the 17 year old and she said no to him. Or he is shagging her.

oakleaffy · 18/12/2024 05:43

@cdls He sounds desperately immature and nasty.
I couldn't bear to be with someone who could behave this way- and he told you all this?

I think he probably has eyes for the teenaged girl.

Vile man.

GreyCarpet · 18/12/2024 05:44

Yeah, I'd think he fancied her too.

This is macho posturing and chest beating manifesting as bullying and completely inappropriate at anytime but especially at a work night out.

This girl has no choice but to see him again - she has to work with him.

Poor lad too. What lever his girlfriend's complaints about it, it doesn't justify that. If you accept this from him you're communicating to him that you're OK with this sort of behaviour and you're clearly not.

Susanisnotmyrealname · 18/12/2024 05:44

Weird behaviour by a grown man and I wonder what sort of place he works if this is ok behaviour at a Christmas party. Your boyfriend sounds very immature and obviously also a nasty piece of shit. It would give me a massive ick and I would be off.

Waterweight · 18/12/2024 05:50

I couldn't be with somebody this arrogant & immature having a 17 year old co-worker has obviously brought up feelings about his own teens & how he used to act around girls he liked or thought he had a chance with

Disgusting behaviour from an almost 30 year old towards a couple he doesn't even know - hopefully theyve complained about him & can move on because his "insecurity" is now going to be directed towards his partner based on her job/career not sex & that's a bloody big burden to carry as a teen who will probably have to work until she's 60+

Disasterclass · 18/12/2024 05:51

The fact that the friends joined in so readily suggests to me that this is normal behaviour to them. I would assume that they have form for behaving like this, he just hasn't told you before

DualPower · 18/12/2024 05:52

Repulsive behaviour.
Hopefully he'll no longer have a job by the end of today, or a partner.

feathermucker · 18/12/2024 05:54

Red flags, especially that he'd tell you and be so apparently proud of it. I

LittleBitAlexisLaLaLaLaLa · 18/12/2024 05:58

That’s not normal at all. Why on earth did he tell you he behaved that way? Did he really think you’d be impressed? I’d be getting the ick right now so badly that I’m not sure it could ever be reversed.

and saying aw your girlfriends definitely getting railed by so many men right now, to "make him insecure".

^ Particularly stands out for the revolting misogyny.

Meadowfinch · 18/12/2024 05:58

I'd be shocked and ashamed too.

Whatever else he is, your partner is not a decent man, and that part of him can turn on you when it suits him and he thinks you are vulnerable. I'd get rid now, before that happens.

What a horrible thing to do!

Jumell · 18/12/2024 05:59

YANBU OP

That behaviour is absolutely shit

Mymanyellow · 18/12/2024 06:02

Because this happened at a work night out I wouldn’t be surprised if someone reports all this to HR. Your boyfriend will be lucky not to be sacked.
Just break up with him.

Dontletmedown · 18/12/2024 06:03

Well that is horrible behaviour.

He really must fancy this young teenager.

And he obviously has friends who think this is a normal way to behave.

Is this the normal culture of his work place because you would hope he should receive disciplinary procedure for this?

He has shown his true self and it would make me question the relationship.

TherapyFrog · 18/12/2024 06:14

Oreyt · 18/12/2024 03:33

He was trying to show off to the girl.

I think he fancies her.

Either way 🤮🤮

^^

This. My first thought was he's a bully who's doing some weird male dominance display, to impress a 17 year old girl. The sexualised and shaming comments re her getting 'railed' are a huge and disgusting red flag 🚩🚩🚩
Sorry OP but your partner sounds creepy, misogynistic and also a bully!

Tangelablue · 18/12/2024 06:15

cdls · 18/12/2024 02:57

@DoYouReally yeah that's exactly how I feel. He's never done anything like that before

And weirdly it's leading me to think he fancies the 17 year old he works with?? Surely not right like is that why he's bullying her boyfriend?? He did make a comment me at 28 is old (even though he's the same age)

I've never seen him behave this way

That was my first thought, that he's jealous of the boyfriend because he fancies the 17 year old.
His behaviour was childish and immature. I wonder if he's a bit of a bully in general at work and that's why others joined in.
How long have you been together?

IdylicDay · 18/12/2024 06:17

I would leave him. I would. I could never be with a man who bullies people, especially teenagers. You just know he was a school bully. And has not grown out of it. Is that the type of man you want to have children with? You know if your and his children are ever bullied he will tell them 'its a joke', 'toughen up', 'get over it'. He would not have their back. He has shown he is a horrible, nasty person. When he shows you his true colours, believe him. I could not come back from this. Ever.

Adm1010 · 18/12/2024 06:21

really upsetting reading this as a mum of three young adult boys. Bloody awful . I’d be murderous if my son was treated this way . You are right to be feting how you do . No way could I be with this disgusting specimen

TempuraCustard · 18/12/2024 06:22

What the hell! Ltb

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