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Original poster

My partner was "bullying" his 17 year old coworkers boyfriend "for fun" it's freaked me out beyond belief

215 replies

cdls · 18/12/2024 02:48

He said everyone and their co workers brought their partner to the night out. I never went because I was busy.

His 17 year old co worker brought her boyfriend and he said aw she complains about him all the time and I see why he does such weird things and kept going on. So he said he decided to "bully him for fun". He was saying things like aw you" fat ugly c**ny" to her boyfriend, "your the ugliest guy I've seen" and saying aw your girlfriends definitely getting railed by so many men right now, to "make him insecure". He said he got a lift home from his friend and got his friend to join in. Her boyfriend said aw can I jump in the lift. They said no you can't drove away but came back for him. Then him, his friend and other guys from the night out joined him calling him ugly, fat etc.

I'm freaked out so much. He told me this story so easily like it wasn't incredibly weird and I was weird for not laughing.

He is 28 and so I am. This girl is 17 and her boyfriend is 18. Why on earth would he do that?

He's never given me weird vibes like that but honestly that's unbelievably off and I haven't been able to even look at him.

How did his friends join in?? Is this just "lads humour"??? Is this normal for guy?? To me it's incredibly weird

OP posts:
ExceededUsefulEconomicLife · 18/12/2024 06:23

It all sounds a bit "lads, lads, lads" on some tradie work do. Either they are all protective of this young girl and have taken this too far or there's something weird going on.

It doesn't sound very nice so I'd be having a chat with him. Was he drinking? And taking drugs? It all sounds like a poster for toxic masculinity.

Renamed · 18/12/2024 06:23

Very nasty also dull and humourless. He sounds boring as fuck and as thick as mince.

Threewheeler1 · 18/12/2024 06:24

What a nasty piece of work!
Red flags all over the place.
Who on earth would even do that to an 18 year old stranger?
If that's what he calls entertainment, you should walk away quickly in the other direction OP.
For Christmas, I'd give him the gift of being single.
YANBU.
He's just a big fat NO all round.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 18/12/2024 06:25

cdls · 18/12/2024 02:57

@DoYouReally yeah that's exactly how I feel. He's never done anything like that before

And weirdly it's leading me to think he fancies the 17 year old he works with?? Surely not right like is that why he's bullying her boyfriend?? He did make a comment me at 28 is old (even though he's the same age)

I've never seen him behave this way

That was my first thought. He fancies her and has a very nasty streak. Hopefully, as Christmas do's are work events, she'll complain and he'll get sacked. He deserves it.

FizzyBisto · 18/12/2024 06:27

I don't think I've ever heard a bully actually come out and admit/realise that their behaviour is bullying - much less proudly boast about it.

Not even behaviour that somebody might (wrongly) try to brush off as 'just a bit of teasing' but horrible, gratuitous nastiness and deliberately negging.

I can't even work out what the asterisked insult is meant to be - all I can think of is a variation on a disgusting old racist term.

He sounds absolutely vile - I presume he's an ex now? As PP have said, at least he's done you the 'favour' of showing you who he really is.

Zanatdy · 18/12/2024 06:29

I’d say he fancies her for sure. What disgusting behaviour, it would change my opinion of him.

EmotionalSupportCuttlefish · 18/12/2024 06:36

Do you really want this lemon in your life OP?

I would be blocking and walking away today. There is nothing you can do about a person with a nasty mind and zero empathy for others. It just is that way. He will be the same when he is an old man.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 18/12/2024 06:40

Sorry OP, I’d also assume he either fancies the 17 year old girl, or something about this boy made your DP decide he was weak enough to bully without fear of being turned on.

but the former is more likely.

if you don’t have dcs then id be ending this. He might not have shown this side of him before but it was always there and why this boy triggered it is a worry.

susiedaisy1912 · 18/12/2024 06:41

Don't have kids with this man.

BrokenBrit · 18/12/2024 06:42

Disgusting behaviour. Also, it’s a work event so expect him to be disciplined if she makes a complaint.
I couldnt be with someone who is a cruel bully.

Lemonadeand · 18/12/2024 06:43

God, that’s awful. Agree that he fancies the 17 year old and this was his weird way of showing off/trying to assert power. Like that horrible whatshisname from Masterchef. Of course, the 17 year old will think he’s an absolute dick.

WEB83 · 18/12/2024 06:44

This is so wrong!! How could grown men treat a young lad like that and think it’s ok? It sounds way past banter! I have an 18yr old DS, he’s a little socially awkward and shy, it would really upset him and intimidate him if grown men were behaving like this with him.

Comtesse · 18/12/2024 06:45

He’s only worked there since September but thought it was appropriate to behave like that? What a complete TOOL - don’t be a drunk arsehole at a work event.

Elasticatedtrousers · 18/12/2024 06:45

Not 'weird' it's nasty.

Your boyfriend is an incredibly nasty man.

He wouldn't be my boyfriend after all this. How long before he turns his unpleasant nasty behaviours on the people you love?

CatchHimDerry · 18/12/2024 06:45

Straight in the bin 🗑️ with him

Calmhappyandhealthy · 18/12/2024 06:49

He fancies his 17 year old Co worker

He was all alpha male top dog bully boy, to show off to her

He told you about it as he was so proud of his clever achievement ....not understanding that you get the why of his "tactics" which aren't subtle ( he thinks they are subtle)

He sounds absolutely vile .....I can't understand how this side of his character has never appeared before....but at least you know now and can dump him

pestowithwalnuts · 18/12/2024 06:52

What a nasty cruel prick he is.
I hope to god that this 17yr old co-worker reports him to HR.
Or perhaps this incident won't be recognised as bullying as it's not the actual colleague who'd being abused and it probably wasn't on work property

YellowGuido · 18/12/2024 06:54

He’s ’never done this before’, yet he has been rude to you and behaves this way about celebrities, etc?
These things scream insecurity on his part, and potentially jealousy - as I agree with PPs that he fancies his colleague.
Why didn’t you challenge his behaviour? I wonder if he is more like this than you realise, and that perhaps you have become slightly immune / accepting of his criticisms and sly digs? Does he compliment you at all, OP, or speak to you affectionately? Are you afraid of him or doing everything you can to avoid his judgement or insults?
You are still referring to him as your boyfriend - I hope you change that, and soon. He is despicable.

EmeraldDreams73 · 18/12/2024 06:55

Jesus Christ, that's despicable behaviour and I would be not only leaving him (he's show you who he is - believe him) but also writing to his manager to ask for that fact to be passed to his colleague and her bf. That poor kid, they'll both be SO badly affected by that.

I hope he gets the sack for that and I hope it's some comfort to the girl and her bf that he loses you over it too. Revolting.

Lampzade · 18/12/2024 06:57

cdls · 18/12/2024 02:48

He said everyone and their co workers brought their partner to the night out. I never went because I was busy.

His 17 year old co worker brought her boyfriend and he said aw she complains about him all the time and I see why he does such weird things and kept going on. So he said he decided to "bully him for fun". He was saying things like aw you" fat ugly c**ny" to her boyfriend, "your the ugliest guy I've seen" and saying aw your girlfriends definitely getting railed by so many men right now, to "make him insecure". He said he got a lift home from his friend and got his friend to join in. Her boyfriend said aw can I jump in the lift. They said no you can't drove away but came back for him. Then him, his friend and other guys from the night out joined him calling him ugly, fat etc.

I'm freaked out so much. He told me this story so easily like it wasn't incredibly weird and I was weird for not laughing.

He is 28 and so I am. This girl is 17 and her boyfriend is 18. Why on earth would he do that?

He's never given me weird vibes like that but honestly that's unbelievably off and I haven't been able to even look at him.

How did his friends join in?? Is this just "lads humour"??? Is this normal for guy?? To me it's incredibly weird

Your partner is a bully and complete idiot
I could never stay in a relationship with someone who is capable of behaving in such a manner
I feel second hand embarrassment for him

AgnesX · 18/12/2024 06:57

Your b/friend is an immature nasty little shit. You do realise this don't you.

I couldn't feel the same about someone like that again. Hopefully you know the right thing to do.

Lampzade · 18/12/2024 06:58

Calmhappyandhealthy · 18/12/2024 06:49

He fancies his 17 year old Co worker

He was all alpha male top dog bully boy, to show off to her

He told you about it as he was so proud of his clever achievement ....not understanding that you get the why of his "tactics" which aren't subtle ( he thinks they are subtle)

He sounds absolutely vile .....I can't understand how this side of his character has never appeared before....but at least you know now and can dump him

Yes, he fancies the co worker.

Clipclopflop · 18/12/2024 06:59

You have a lot of life left to be spending it in his company. Now is the time to leave, before you have any more ties to him. If you have ties it will get worse.

TopshopCropTop · 18/12/2024 07:01

He fancies this child that he works with and if that in itself isn’t a major red flag for you to dump him i dont know what is.

Making comments about a 17 year old child “getting railed” is absolutely creepy, perverted, disgusting behaviour.

Run, don’t walk

Clipclopflop · 18/12/2024 07:04

....and given his emotional immaturity. I'd recommend not discussing your decision with him. Just make your plans to leave and go.

Edited. Do you live together?

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