Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My partner was "bullying" his 17 year old coworkers boyfriend "for fun" it's freaked me out beyond belief

215 replies

cdls · 18/12/2024 02:48

He said everyone and their co workers brought their partner to the night out. I never went because I was busy.

His 17 year old co worker brought her boyfriend and he said aw she complains about him all the time and I see why he does such weird things and kept going on. So he said he decided to "bully him for fun". He was saying things like aw you" fat ugly c**ny" to her boyfriend, "your the ugliest guy I've seen" and saying aw your girlfriends definitely getting railed by so many men right now, to "make him insecure". He said he got a lift home from his friend and got his friend to join in. Her boyfriend said aw can I jump in the lift. They said no you can't drove away but came back for him. Then him, his friend and other guys from the night out joined him calling him ugly, fat etc.

I'm freaked out so much. He told me this story so easily like it wasn't incredibly weird and I was weird for not laughing.

He is 28 and so I am. This girl is 17 and her boyfriend is 18. Why on earth would he do that?

He's never given me weird vibes like that but honestly that's unbelievably off and I haven't been able to even look at him.

How did his friends join in?? Is this just "lads humour"??? Is this normal for guy?? To me it's incredibly weird

OP posts:
IsawwhatIsaw · 18/12/2024 08:11

Oreyt · 18/12/2024 03:33

He was trying to show off to the girl.

I think he fancies her.

Either way 🤮🤮

That’s what I thought. He’s a spiteful bully. And I’d bet this isn’t the first time he’s done something like this.

FigTreeInEurope · 18/12/2024 08:14

EmeraldDreams73 · 18/12/2024 06:55

Jesus Christ, that's despicable behaviour and I would be not only leaving him (he's show you who he is - believe him) but also writing to his manager to ask for that fact to be passed to his colleague and her bf. That poor kid, they'll both be SO badly affected by that.

I hope he gets the sack for that and I hope it's some comfort to the girl and her bf that he loses you over it too. Revolting.

This basically happened to me at 17. My boss fancied my then 17 year old girlfriend. The works do was just him putting me down in front of her all night. Im 53 now, and could pretty much recall the night word for word. He got the sack in the end for inapprapriate behaviour with the women in the office. Get yourself a nice boyfriend OP.

Tootiredmummyof3 · 18/12/2024 08:17

He sounds really really nasty and I don't think I could stay with him after that.
If he did it because he fancies the 17 year old he's even more of a twat. Why would she want someone who is plain nasty? Hopefully she wouldn't and you shouldn't either..
Aim higher, you deserve better.

CoffeeGood · 18/12/2024 08:19

What a horrid man, that poor boy being ganged up on by a load of blokes, being told he is ugly and that his girlfriend is a slag. I really hope he doesn't have mental health problems. Will your boyfriend feel so "big" if he commits suicide due to his comments? Because it does happen.

I've been on MN for 17 years and rarely leap to LTB. But this is definitely a LTB case. I couldn't look at his nasty little face again without wanting to punch him.

LAMPS1 · 18/12/2024 08:22

Sometimes, a stupid man who has done something so cringingly nasty, tries to off-load the creeping, more sober guilt by getting his partner or mate to share that guilt by laughing along with what he has done.
If I were you I’d try to get him to see the error of his ways so that he apologises in person to the young man, before then dumping him.

babyproblems · 18/12/2024 08:28

Agree it a nasty - and bizarre thing to do - I also agree he sounds jealous of her boyfriend… I read your op that her boyfriend made some comments about your husband to the tune of she complains about him at home to her boyfriend and that was the catalyst? Maybe I’ve misunderstood but I agree it’s suspicious and nasty and strange. Almost ultra defensive…

AutumnFroglets · 18/12/2024 08:29

He fancies his coworker and was trying to get rid of his competition leaving the way open for him to get "his girl". He's telling you all this as he thinks you are trapped/committed to him and won't do anything which worries me as I'm now thinking there are other behaviours you have been minimising. This behaviour of bullying will become more apparent if you ever have the misfortune to become pregnant. You have been warned.

ClairDeLaLune · 18/12/2024 08:32

That’s awful OP, I couldn’t be with someone like that, that would be a dealbreaker for me.

stayathomegardener · 18/12/2024 08:42

I think you are in an incredibly difficult position OP he is telling you exactly who he is and realistically you can't want to stay with someone who behaves like this however it can be hard to end a long term relationship when he hasn't actually done anything to you personally.
By hard I mean you may find it easy to justify staying plus you may not have understanding/support from friends and family.
Good luck.

Butchyrestingface · 18/12/2024 08:46

cdls · 18/12/2024 02:57

@DoYouReally yeah that's exactly how I feel. He's never done anything like that before

And weirdly it's leading me to think he fancies the 17 year old he works with?? Surely not right like is that why he's bullying her boyfriend?? He did make a comment me at 28 is old (even though he's the same age)

I've never seen him behave this way

Well, you're seeing him behave this way NOW. That'd be enough for me.

Next he'll be telling you how he's doing you a favour being in a relationship with an old woman of 28.

Jumell · 18/12/2024 08:47

stayathomegardener · 18/12/2024 08:42

I think you are in an incredibly difficult position OP he is telling you exactly who he is and realistically you can't want to stay with someone who behaves like this however it can be hard to end a long term relationship when he hasn't actually done anything to you personally.
By hard I mean you may find it easy to justify staying plus you may not have understanding/support from friends and family.
Good luck.

This is spades OP

I can understand how it’s very desire us all to scream ‘LTB’ but MUCH more difficult on a practical and emotional sense to actually leave

Oreyt · 18/12/2024 08:50

I'd love it if the lad had older brothers / uncles of a similar age who could go round. I bet he would run away.

Oreyt · 18/12/2024 08:52

8 years and he's never done this before?

I bet he does it online but finally had the opportunity to meet someone weaker and younger.

How is he with your dad? Brothers?

Skyrainlight · 18/12/2024 08:54

Jumell · 18/12/2024 08:47

This is spades OP

I can understand how it’s very desire us all to scream ‘LTB’ but MUCH more difficult on a practical and emotional sense to actually leave

Show quote history

It is difficult in a practical and emotional sense but further down the line when she's the vulnerable one he will turn this behaviour on her if she doesn't leave. OP if you decide to stay with this POS please do not have kids with him. No one deserves a bully as a father.

Dollychopsporkchops · 18/12/2024 08:55

@cdls leave him!

He is vile and a bully. How pathetic to do that to someone young and someone you don’t know.

Then to use sexually abusive language about a 17yo.

Im sure if you check his devices you’d probably find he’s not being all that faithful to you.

He is disgusting, leave him and yes, he bullied that boy because he wanted the 17yo. CREEP

evtheria · 18/12/2024 08:57

That's truly awful behaviour. I wouldn't even try to figure out if it's coming from a place of jealousy (secretly fancying the coworker) or not, OP, it's just not worth trying to figure out.

Is it early enough in the relationship to cut ties? I rarely hit the LTB button, but this is pretty bad and it may be easier for you to end it now.

Wordsmithery · 18/12/2024 09:04

All of the above. I also think he should go and apologise to the boy (he won't, obvs) who is at a vulnerable age. This sort of thing could destroy his confidence.
Could be a matter for HR too.
Cruel and actually pretty twisted.

TallulahBetty · 18/12/2024 09:05

cdls · 18/12/2024 02:57

@DoYouReally yeah that's exactly how I feel. He's never done anything like that before

And weirdly it's leading me to think he fancies the 17 year old he works with?? Surely not right like is that why he's bullying her boyfriend?? He did make a comment me at 28 is old (even though he's the same age)

I've never seen him behave this way

Yes, this was the first thought that came to me - he fancies the girl.

Pipsquiggle · 18/12/2024 09:09

I think your DP is an absolute bastard for doing that and goading others to copy him. What an odious little man. Complete bully who gets a kick from making himself better by belittling others - dickhead. I hate these types of people.

There are loads of experts that say if you want to see what a person is really like, watch how they treat people who are a 'lower status' to them - could be a waiter in a restaurant, could be a cleaner, could be someone who works for them, could be a younger less experienced person.
How they treat people who they don't 'have' to be nice /civil to is telling you who they are.

Your DP is a coward and a bully. Huge red flag. I would not want not someone in my friendship group who treated people like that, let alone go out with them.

ThimbleT · 18/12/2024 09:12

Your partner deserves to lose his job for that.

Jumell · 18/12/2024 09:14

Skyrainlight · 18/12/2024 08:54

It is difficult in a practical and emotional sense but further down the line when she's the vulnerable one he will turn this behaviour on her if she doesn't leave. OP if you decide to stay with this POS please do not have kids with him. No one deserves a bully as a father.

Show quote history

Yes agreed.
one of my exs did exactly this

when I was in a vulnerable position he turned the behaviour on me

WomenInConstruction · 18/12/2024 09:15

I'm raising my kids with the lesson that for something to be fun it has to be fun for everyone involved. If something is upsetting another then it isn't fun....
My DH is all on board with that idea...

If you try to raise children with this person you will know that lurking deep below the surface is a character for whom that principle goes out of the window if he feels justified/motivated in his attack disguised as joking.

He tore someone apart who came out for a nice social time. God knows what that has done to those two poor young kids, I bet it will cast a long and horrible shadow.

I couldn't even look at him again.

NoCarbsForMe · 18/12/2024 09:20

He sounds very immature. Are you sure he's 28?

WomenInConstruction · 18/12/2024 09:20

In fact, I'd go as far as to say...

I would not only leave him immediately but I'd find his young female colleague, express solidarity and reassure her this was unacceptable, she should speak to HR if there is one and her attacker has lost his long term gf over it... and you hope that goes someway to reducing the distress she must be feeling over this experience. I'd ask her to tell her boyfriend he did not deserve it and this man is a nasty bully who has got his comeuppance (You've binned him).

Imagine being her waking up today and trying to face going into work. 😭

NigellaAwesome · 18/12/2024 09:28

I feel so upset for this young couple. Your (hopefully ex) bf's behaviour is repulsive, and he is thick as mince to think that you would have just laughed along with it.

As a Mum to similar aged DC it is really distressing to think of what they both went through, and I hope one or both of their parents steps in and reports him to HR on their behalf (or as a pp so eloquently said, ensures they will be shitting their own teeth over Christmas).

I would also be contacting the 17 yo if you can to show solidarity and say how revolted you were to hear of his actions.

And naturally, it is a no brainer, LTB.

Swipe left for the next trending thread