I know his secret… thread 2

[Waffletots]

Hi everyone

I’ve been told to create a second thread as the first one is full https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226374-i-know-his-secret-but-how-do-i-play-this?page=1

I am off to see my parents this morning and will update later.
Thank you so much for all of your support, looks like I’m going to need it!

They don’t and won’t. I had a horrendous experience with my PIL when giving birth and the midwives followed my instructions to a tee about preventing them visiting. They are the ultimate girl squad.

Your silence will be deafening to him. Grey rock approach. No hint to him that you will be seeing a solicitor and give yourself as much time and space as you need. Your focus has to be on your wellbeing and that of your toddler and your soon to be newborn baby. It's good that you have family support around you. I would advise gathering together all important financial information around assets / pensions / savings / mortgage etc so when you see the solicitor the appointment will be as productive and useful as possible. Your baby may be here in the next few days and honestly I wouldn't even inform him that the baby has been born or their gender or what you have named them. Dont put him on the birth certificate and give the baby your surname. Then file for divorce and file a csa claim.

I can't believe he had the gaul to send you that message op. You are completely right. Definitely doesn't warrant a reply.

I hope you manage to get some sleep and rest tonight. You are being sent so many supportive thoughts. You are totally right to concentrate on you and your baby right now.
Hugs
💛

Reply….’Get past what?’

Get him to confirm his actions!

I think that's the right decision because otherwise he will do it again when they are older and your split would be more damaging for them then. You are so strong and the way you are handling this is amazing!! Your family sound just lovely too. Wishing you all the good things for your future. xx

Yes I agree with “get pas what” to see what he says!
Although I totally understand you need peace and calm now. Your children are lucky to have you x

I just wanted to say, having read both threads, how amazing and dignified you are. What an amazing Mum and role model you must be x

And Scotland

Hope your ok @Waffletots your a better women then I am. I wish I had a brother like yours. I just wanted to say as much as you don’t want to hear from him and everything is fresh. Hit him with child maintenance service asap before you have the baby ❤️❤️❤️

Someone above mentioned not putting him on the birth certificate - in E&W there is a presumption that if you are married then the husband is the father so not as simple as not putting him on (unfortunately).
Also, remember that because you are married, he could register the child without you being there.
Don't want to add to anxieties but bear it in mind...

Honestly @Waffletots you are showing more grace, dignity and strength than I would have thought is possible for any person in your situation. I am so glad you have such a supportive family too.

I can't believe he didn't ask after your well being at this stage of your pregnancy, or your child and the new baby. What a total arse.

Let your family look after you, and you can do this. You are clearly a great mum, brought up in a strong family, and you are and will be that for your kids who will be showered with love.

He can get lost and pay up.

and those of us in Australia who are following it.💐

If he isn't on the birth certificate can you even get child support off him?
It's a double edged sword.

Would a hospital stop a married husband from entering birth suite ?

I would hope so. If the mum didn't want him there.

@Waffletots you are amazingly strong.
I wish you the best of luck, and a healthy happy future going forward with someone who deserves the loveliness that is you

OP I know you probably don't feel it, but you are handling this amazingly. His message just takes my breath away. I think not replying is definitely the right decision.

Wishing you a safe and healthy delivery and baby and I hope you have an easy recovery! You and your children deserve someone that isn’t a total ass! I am sure you will find them when you are ready and your ex husband will hopefully have karma take a nice big bite out of him!

She doesn't have to tell him when she goes into labour. I wouldn't at this point as she has birthing partners she trusts. But just in case, I might say to the nurses not to allow him in in case he finds out somehow. As they're married, he's de facto the father re the birth certificate anyway re child maintenance, even if he's not on it.

He's a total shit and not worthy of the OP.

They bloody well should! No man has any right to be there, married or not!

I am so sorry you are going through this right now op. I read your other post yesterday. Sending hugs

I wasn't sure tbh if they take the mums view only

They should respect her wishes. But I didn't know as married would they stop

Hopefully @Waffletots dh won't even think of going there when she goes into labour

I just wasn't sure if dads had any rights if married

Bloody hell Waffle - so glad you've an amazing support blanket supporting you! Dont give the scumbag the airspace to spew his lies, be aloof and strong, you, your family and your MN family have your back

Nobody has a right to be in a birthing room bar the expectant mother, the outcoming child, and medical staff, surely.

I’ve been following another thread OP. The circumstances are very different as this is a couple that had been together almost 40 years and grown up children. But the content is something I thing will help you, especially in understanding how fast things change, the emotions involved, the game playing. The OP on this thread has kept her resolve and I think has been inspiring. I hope it helps when you’re in a frame of mind to follow it. I’ve only copied the second thread, but it’s easy to find the first one.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5186498-no-longer-blindsided-by-h?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share