I know his secret… thread 2

[Waffletots]

Hi everyone

I’ve been told to create a second thread as the first one is full https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226374-i-know-his-secret-but-how-do-i-play-this?page=1

I am off to see my parents this morning and will update later.
Thank you so much for all of your support, looks like I’m going to need it!

You’ve done the right thing in involving your family and it’s great that they are so supportive. Lean on them- they are clearly very decent people, devoted to you and entirely reliable.

Very different, in fact, to your H.

I agree with all posters’ analysis of “Can we get past this, for the children?”.
I imagine he has been rejected by OW, everyone has turned their back on him, only his innocent children would accept him and he fears the life he faces.
His selfishness and desperation are laughable and despicable. Don’t give his message any headspace or dignify him with a reply.

Let her have him; you don’t keep faulty goods do you?
It’s going to take a lot of strength to get through the next year or so. But you can do it. Do not leave the property. He needs to house you and the children. He also needs to pay maintenance for the children. She’s not going to be quite so happy with all his financial commitments over the next minimum 18-21 years. That will be your biggest payback. Heartbreaking as it is you’ll be the winner - she will know what he’s capable of and never trust him a single day of their relationship. She will have the worry of him wishing to return to you and him doing to her what he’s done to you. A leopard dosnt change its spots. It’s big pants day and hold you head high. Be a winner good luck sweetheart.

@Waffletots you are in a vulnerable position at 38 weeks pregnant plus a 3 year old dc and you are amazingly serene and putting your children first, you are a fantastic mum! Your family are so supportive and will help you with the children (not long to go), you are so loved by so many. You concentrate on the upcoming birth and the joy of meeting your new baby, you will get through this Op and still be a Queen. You will look back one day and see your H is like an appendix, it plays up and causes pain so you get it removed and your ok as you can live without it.
Sending you love x

Hi OP, I’m very much thinking of you. I was struck by a comment you made at some point about your children getting a watered down version of what’s happened so they know why their parents aren’t together. May I point out the obvious, which is that they won’t be little children fo ever. I suggest that you print out this thread and the earlier one and put in some archival form. At some point, perhaps when they have their own children, they’ll be able to handle the truth and perhaps counter the version their father tells them.

He really doesn’t sound like he wants to fight for you or his children! He’ll soon change his tune when the OW dumps him or the reality of everyday life sets in! I admire your strength and determination. So glad you’ve got this amazing support system in your family. Keep going and focus on meeting baby and the excitement around that.

I’ve just read your previous thread and this one. I’m so sorry that this is happening. You are a brave woman and I’m keeping you in mind.

I have no practical advise. I’m sorry your husband chose to blow up his family unit. It really does seem to be his loss. 💐

I read you thread yesterday and am absolutely rooting for you OP.

However One thing I will say is that being on a thread like this can be entertainment for those following along and yeah we can all sit in our own homes saying “yeah you tel him” but life can be messy and complicated - so don’t feel a need to entertain the masses who are waiting on an update - look after yourself first xx

Stay strong ❤️

Can I suggest ASMR, specifically ’whispersred’ on YouTube. It’s not for everyone but is a big thing online and I find it helps me when anxious or when I can’t sleep.

OP, I just wanted to add my voice to the support you're receiving from the vast majority. I'm so sorry you're going through this but SO impressed with your courage and dignity - not to mention self esteem. What a great example to your children. You'll be fine. He'll still be a twat. Keep looking forward and best of luck with the birth. X

"can we get past this for the children"
Translation.........i want us to stay together cos i dont want to pay Child Support

My first was 10 days early and my second was 3 days late; no two pregnancies are the same.
OP sending you a virtual hug; you are being very strong and showing your DC a positive attitude.

OP, YOU are a fucking Queen! I am absolutely in awe of how you are handling this, too often I read threads on here where I feel filled with frustration and sadness at how women are treated and feel unable to extricate themselves.
You are dealing with this like an absolute boss, you clearly know your value and you’re a fucking hero, an incredible example to other women and your children.
Best of luck for the birth my lovely, you are about to have your cup refilled with so much pure and wonderful love. You and your children are enough my darling.

Unfortunately husband message "can we get past this, for the children" is quite telling. No apology, no grovelling, no saying what a massive mistake he's made. He's a very very bad person, diabolical really.

This sadly. Well @Waffletots can't get past this FOR the children. She's modelling what sane relationships should be like and that when people betray you you need to leave them. OP, can you design a person of contact for practicalities? So you can write a last message to cheating bastard that if he has anything to say it will have to pass by brother/father before you block his number? I think this will make you feel more relaxed knowing that he won't contact you directly. Wish you all the best💚

In other news my husband has sent me a single message which reads
“Can we get past this, for the children?

that’s shocking, no apology, no are you ok. No anything, just you going to get over it, accept I’m shagging round, and play happy families.

that’s so cold.

Tempting though it is, I would try not to reply to his message. Let him wonder whether you received it. Let him deal with not knowing what you are thinking. Let him deal with feeling uncertain. Obviously he will use your silence as “I tried to build bridges but she refused” because that’s what cheaters do to make themselves feel better. Focus on yourself for now. It’s time for you to make choices for you and to prioritise yourself. Let him be unsure about his future…when they cheat they don’t even think how things might work out - they are in the moment where the future is irrelevant. Now is the time for him to realise that his actions have consequences.

Look after yourself 💐

You WILL get through this, although I totally appreciate how difficult it is. I’ve been where you are, it’s utterly would destroying and you go through so many emotions. Stay strong for your children @Waffletots 🥰

“Can we get past this, for the children?”

I am stunned that this is the only thing he can say @Waffletots

Not even asking About his daughter

Obvious answer is no.

We can't

Glad you are not replying to it

This is Shit what has happened to you but your family sound amazing and will be a great support for you

I'm sorry I don't have anything useful to add - but I just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you. It may not feel like it right now, but you will find a path through all of this and things will get better. Sending nothing but love x x

He's absolutely gutless for not trying to speak to you. Or even apologise. Please do not contact him. Go cold turkey.
It'll have the biggest effect! He won't stand the silence and you will have the upper hand x

I'll bet a pound to a penny that the OW made contact because after being screwed around for a year she's finally realised that his promises of leaving his wife for her were false.

The OW has dumped him, and out of guilt or revenge she's letting the cheated-on wife know the truth. Which in the circumstances is the least she could do.

Op

Take a relaxing bath and hop into bed and try and get some sleep tonight. Don't try to second guess what he's doing or staying . Just focus on yourself and your baby .

I can tell already they're incredibly lucky to have you as a mom and I'm so sorry someone has treated you and them this way/

What an amazing mum you are. I hope you manage to get some sleep and rest