I know his secret… thread 2

[Waffletots]

Hi everyone

I’ve been told to create a second thread as the first one is full https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226374-i-know-his-secret-but-how-do-i-play-this?page=1

I am off to see my parents this morning and will update later.
Thank you so much for all of your support, looks like I’m going to need it!

@betrayedandwobbly I don't know where you got the bit about him saying about house sale/admin but I'm certain it wasn't either thread. Regardless, yes it is on him of course but equally knowingly telling a woman you know is about to give birth, two weeks before Christmas and also caring for a toddler, that you're shagging her husband and disguising it as "feeling bad" is quite honestly sadistic.

I just want to echo what many others have said - you are ANAZING! What a role model for your children. Both my marriages ended because of affairs (20 years and 16 years) but I was not about to give birth at the time. Both of my exH went completely cold when found out - think that was how they coped with their guilt - tough luck - bought it on themselves. I can honestly say that I do not regret divorcing them both. Stay strong lovely, and look forward, not back x

Echoing your comment, I went through something similar many years ago and in a sense I count myself lucky that my ex showed me what a weak, heartless, selfish man he was early on and I was able to build a life for myself and my child. The last time I saw him was a few years ago in the local supermarket and all I felt was a huge sense of relief that I had not spent decades of my life with him. They are also so bloody lazy when they have these affairs as it so often is with someone they work with. This is what happened to me, a couple of friends of mine and now of course the OP

And yet, here you are.

Thread is filling up - please start another one, but don't tell those journalists.

👍

I'm with you on this one @TheFormidableMrsC
According to OP's early post, OW said that husband told her he was "going" to leave, nothing about being separated or anything similar that i can see.
In my mind, a woman who has an affair for a year with a married man (baby on the way or not) is as bad as the man, even if she is single and free to do what she likes. Have a bit of self control and tell him to come back when he's free to get into another relationship.
Things happen, people fall for other people, relationships end, you don't know what's round the corner but have some conscience about what you're doing.
Both as bad as each other and I hope they both lead miserable lives while OP eventually moves forward with her head held high and has a wonderful life.

went through this too op, I’d just like to say I’m now 12 years the other side but I was only 20 weeks pregnant, and I’m happily remarried and honestly never imagined I could be this happy! It hurts and it’s so hard at first but I promise it won’t feel this way forever 🩷

Brutally honest people enjoy the brutality more than the honesty.

@boniho nobody is revelling in OP's misfortune! What an absolute reach. I read the whole of the 1st thread, didn't comment til the 2nd (like a lot of others) and have seen nothing but genuine support expressed.
Maybe you should stop revelling in being self-righteous.

Careful now. @Boniho will be along with further chiding.

You are behaving impeccably OP, I think it is a good idea to ask your brother or dad to text him and ask him to stop harassing you for now.

Maybe you should stop revelling in being self-righteous.

There is always one of these types on every thread. The main thing is that the amazing OP (whose is the only option which matters) is feeling the weight of support that is behind her.

Have just read through your threads, you’re a truly lovely and balanced person, and the way that you’ve prioritised your 3 year old during a crisis is admirable. I think I’ve learned a few life lessons about the ‘long game’ and the importance of remaining calm.

Love the way your brother gave a commentary from the window and calmly handed him his bag. Also love that your Dad took you to a lawyer. In terms of family you
are very fortunate.

In terms of husbands you’re unfortunate and I’m so very sorry. What you’re experiencing now is the worse part, things will get easier and you will be okay.

I guarantee you that in a year from now you’ll be healed and probably will have met someone new. I can tell reading this that you’re a gem.

You are something else OP.

Shame on him for not recognising this!

💐

I think OW probably wanted to get revenge on this man by telling the wife, with no regard for op's well-being. But who knows.

@Waffletots Well done for not replying to his messages.

You are right in that they said nothing of substance.

He doesn't know what to say so is waiting to take his lead from you.

What an absolute loser.

"Are you ignoring me?" Too fucking right you are!!!

Moral high ground all the way. Ignore ignore ignore.

I would just say OP, take you time and speak to your family.
Maybe he told the OW it was over, and she told you for revenge? Maybe he did finally do the decent thing (obviously after not doing so).
You may wish to end things, but I do know people who have got over affairs and have had happy marriages subsequently.

Absolutely

Hanky ready for my brow.

@Waffletots you are so strong and brave, what a beautiful soul you are. After reading your message quoted, I had to post to say how mature you are - I'm married to a man who, despite being a fantastic dad for 14 years, was cut out and history rewritten by his ex wife meaning that he has no contact with his children and hasn't for the past 4 years. I get that she hates him but children shouldn't be used as emotional blackmail during divorce, or as a vent for our emotions against our partners. I've seen how it's broken him and god knows what it's done to his children. The way you talk in this post, and all your posts, is incredible and you know what? That bastard doesn't deserve you, you are goddamn incredible. You're rising above all his bollocks, wow. Your future is bright because of the person you are, remember this in the times ahead. Sending love and hugs x

@champagnecats92 Making a C100 court application for contact would have solved your husband's issues. If he's not seeing his children, then that's on him. If one parent is alienating children from the other parent, the court takes a very dim view.

I still can't fathom why the OW told you in the first place, she had t have a bloody good reason. I truly hope that the OW isn't pregnant as a reason why she texted in the first place...it's just odd that he didn't immediately come back in and dump the OW. There's definitely more to the story

Just wanted to add my admiration and support for @Waffletots and best wishes for the future.

One thing I do want to add, is if at any point, emotions take over and you do have a wobble, be extremely kind to yourself. There's an element of grief in a situation like this, not for custard features himself, necessarily, but for a past life and for the hopes and dreams you had.

Anger is natural and part of the process. I say this as a divorcee and a widow. The only people you need to consider are you, and your little ones, and you will be busy for a long while. If, even months down the line, you crash a bit, I'm so glad you have such a great family support network.

Take the very best care of yourself my lovely, and may your future be bright - you absolutely deserve the very best ❤️

Most likely explanation is that OW had genuinely believed him telling her that his marriage was over and they were only staying together for the child, etc, etc, but then she found out OP is pregnant again, was horrified abd decided to confess all.

Also possible that OW got fed up of waiting for him to leave so issued an ultimatum of “leave her or I’ll tell her all about us so you have to leave”.