Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know his secret but how do I play this?

1000 replies

Waffletots · 08/12/2024 14:53

I have been married for five years to who I thought was a wonderful man, we have a child and one on the way.
Last night I received a text from his female coworker telling me that “she’s sorry to be that person…. But has been sleeping with me for nearly a year, he told me he would leave you” apparently she feels bad because another coworker “let slip” that my husband and I are expecting again in a few weeks time.
Now I haven’t even confronted my husband about this, it’s been easy as he left for work early this morning and will arrive home around 6pm. I feel sick at the thought of seeing him, could she be lying? I honestly haven’t seen any signs, he’s mentioned this woman a few times and mentioned she’s the office flirt but I didn’t think anything of it.
What should I do?! I’m scared to speak to my friends and family about this, what if she’s lying?!

OP posts:
Lyraloo · 08/12/2024 21:43

Bless you, this is so tough, especially as you’re so heavily pregnant. Xx

Itsacoldcoldwinter · 08/12/2024 21:45

toucheee · 08/12/2024 20:26

I thought that poster simply meant enjoy the solidarity of women coming together to help another woman in a time of crisis. The thread has nearly 800 posts, almost all supportive.

Why do people need to look for the worst possible interpretation? That poster is right, lighten up. We’re all here for OP, not to fight.

Show quote history

I'm sorry I disagree.
Saying " enjoy the thread" is unambiguously saying the poster is viewing OP's situation as a soap opera for people's entertainment and is really insensitive and inappropriate

toucheee · 08/12/2024 21:47

Itsacoldcoldwinter · 08/12/2024 21:45

I'm sorry I disagree.
Saying " enjoy the thread" is unambiguously saying the poster is viewing OP's situation as a soap opera for people's entertainment and is really insensitive and inappropriate

Show quote history

I disagree with you. I think it’s a shame you’re looking at her post in such a negative way. She was just trying to be inclusive to. poster who felt they were being piled on.

RaginaPhalange · 08/12/2024 21:49

Oh OP, he's an absolute bustard. Look after yourself and your wee ones, seems like you have a good support system.

Tink3rbell30 · 08/12/2024 21:51

Don't let them get away with this.

Itsacoldcoldwinter · 08/12/2024 21:52

toucheee · 08/12/2024 21:47

I disagree with you. I think it’s a shame you’re looking at her post in such a negative way. She was just trying to be inclusive to. poster who felt they were being piled on.

Show quote history

I' m not going to derail the thread further by arguing with you as I don't understand how you can defend someone who talks about " enjoying" a thread where a heavily pregnant women discovers her DH has been cheating on her.
If you really can't see that is an inappropriate thing to say then there is no point trying to explain it to you.

DontBiteTheCat · 08/12/2024 21:52

I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP.

What a disgusting man, I know it doesn’t feel like it now but you will be so much better off without him x

MeTooOverHere · 08/12/2024 21:59

Mrsttcno1 · 08/12/2024 14:56

Oh OP I’m so sorry how awful, especially while pregnant.

I can’t imagine she’d be lying to be honest, she has no reason to lie, and I’d imagine if they’ve been sleeping together for the last year then she will have some form of proof even if that is texts arranging to meet for example.

It would be time to leave for me.

Yes she should be asked for proof and there are texts that would be easy for her to provide.
I would not phone her, no reason to talk to her.
And keep schtum to him until you have proof.

hotpotlover · 08/12/2024 22:00

They are both arseholes. So sorry you're going through this xx

Orangeoranges42 · 08/12/2024 22:02

Sending all the love OP.
Lean on those around you if you can even if they seem to like DP once they know what he’s done you’ll be amazed at the support you and your babies have xx

AnneShirleysNewDress · 08/12/2024 22:03

I'm so sorry OP. You and your children deserve much better.

CustardySergeant · 08/12/2024 22:03

@MeTooOverHere she has proof. Read her post at 17.17.

MeTooOverHere · 08/12/2024 22:06

CustardySergeant · 08/12/2024 22:03

@MeTooOverHere she has proof. Read her post at 17.17.

Thanks, just read it.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 08/12/2024 22:07

Sounds like she's been dumped and he has eyes on someone else.
She's gotten jealous and wants him to pay.
No way she didn't know he was married, especially as she heard from a colleague that you're expecting.

Be strong OP and don't let him gaslight you.

PipeworksCopper · 08/12/2024 22:08

WinterColdBrrrr · 08/12/2024 17:26

She sounds like a woman scorned. He obviously has had this affair.
However be wary of her intentions. She is quite happy to destroy a pregnant womans life just before Christmas.
She is not telling you because she cares it is because she is angry at him.

Who cares about her intentions?! Her husband has been screwing another woman behind his pregnant wife’s back. That’s all the pertinent information to it!

valentinka31 · 08/12/2024 22:12

The only reason why she would tell you is because he's ended it.

Personally, I would think this:
I have a baby due with this guy. Imminently.
He is also the father of my young child.

I would actually talk to him and see if there was any way of moving forwards.

You may well (99% of MN) think this is stupid, but it's my opinion.

StarDolphins · 08/12/2024 22:15

valentinka31 · 08/12/2024 22:12

The only reason why she would tell you is because he's ended it.

Personally, I would think this:
I have a baby due with this guy. Imminently.
He is also the father of my young child.

I would actually talk to him and see if there was any way of moving forwards.

You may well (99% of MN) think this is stupid, but it's my opinion.

So after a year of betrayal and lies, she should just suck it up? How is that even a possibility since he’s broken every rule of what a loving, respectful partnership should be? Seriously raise your bar & stop trying to convince op to be a mug. HE has ruined this, no one else.

UninventiveName · 08/12/2024 22:15

OP - sending huge hugs, I’m sorry you are going through this. It’s so tough but you’ll get through this. It sounds like you have a good support network which you’ll need.

RockOrAHardplace · 08/12/2024 22:15

MeTooOverHere · 08/12/2024 21:59

Yes she should be asked for proof and there are texts that would be easy for her to provide.
I would not phone her, no reason to talk to her.
And keep schtum to him until you have proof.

Show quote history

She already has proof, read her posts. The other woman sent her text, photos, emails etc. That is why she is confronting her husband.

adriftinadenofvipers · 08/12/2024 22:16

valentinka31 · 08/12/2024 22:12

The only reason why she would tell you is because he's ended it.

Personally, I would think this:
I have a baby due with this guy. Imminently.
He is also the father of my young child.

I would actually talk to him and see if there was any way of moving forwards.

You may well (99% of MN) think this is stupid, but it's my opinion.

Why would you give a cheater the opportunity to do it again? He's not to be trusted. How could you forgive him or ever trust him again?

Raise your bar!

Foy19 · 08/12/2024 22:17

valentinka31 · 08/12/2024 22:12

The only reason why she would tell you is because he's ended it.

Personally, I would think this:
I have a baby due with this guy. Imminently.
He is also the father of my young child.

I would actually talk to him and see if there was any way of moving forwards.

You may well (99% of MN) think this is stupid, but it's my opinion.

Wrong on all counts other than stupid.

babyproblems · 08/12/2024 22:18

romdowa · 08/12/2024 15:00

Honestly I'd be asking her for proof before you confront your husband

I would too. If it was true she would have proof eg send you screenshots of messages and proof it’s from his number.. I wouldn’t do anything without proof seeing as you’ve had zero suspicion. I can’t imagine with one small child your DH has that much free time so either he’s extra sneaky or you don’t see much of him and he’s been with her.. if someone said my DH was having an affair I’d struggle to believe it due to serious lack of any time in our lives. We have a 3yr old!

Rinkytoo · 08/12/2024 22:18

You poor love. This is the ultimate betrayal. All I can say is I really feel for you OP
You can and will get through this for you and your DC
Your H is the worst!

adriftinadenofvipers · 08/12/2024 22:18

toucheee · 08/12/2024 21:47

I disagree with you. I think it’s a shame you’re looking at her post in such a negative way. She was just trying to be inclusive to. poster who felt they were being piled on.

Show quote history

You are expressing some deeply bizarre views!!!

It was so inappropriate!!

adriftinadenofvipers · 08/12/2024 22:18

babyproblems · 08/12/2024 22:18

I would too. If it was true she would have proof eg send you screenshots of messages and proof it’s from his number.. I wouldn’t do anything without proof seeing as you’ve had zero suspicion. I can’t imagine with one small child your DH has that much free time so either he’s extra sneaky or you don’t see much of him and he’s been with her.. if someone said my DH was having an affair I’d struggle to believe it due to serious lack of any time in our lives. We have a 3yr old!

Show quote history

She has fucking proof - read the bloody thread!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.