Page 35 | I know his secret but how do I play this?

Waffletots · 2024-12-08T14:53:59+00:00

I have been married for five years to who I thought was a wonderful man, we have a child and one on the way. Last night I received a text from his female coworker telling me that “she’s sorry to be that person…. But **** has been sleeping with me for nearly a year, he told me he would leave you” apparently she feels bad because another coworker “let slip” that my husband and I are expecting again in a few weeks time. Now I haven’t even confronted my husband about this, it’s been easy as he left for work early this morning and will arrive home around 6pm. I feel sick at the thought of seeing him, could she be lying? I honestly haven’t seen any signs, he’s mentioned this woman a few times and mentioned she’s the office flirt but I didn’t think anything of it. What should I do?! I’m scared to speak to my friends and family about this, what if she’s lying?!

PinkyFlamingo · 08/12/2024 21:09

I can totally empathise with all your feelings as I've been there. I'm so sorry. Absolute bastard.

SaagAloopa · 08/12/2024 21:10

Best of luck

LibbyL92 · 08/12/2024 21:13

The most important thing right now is look after your health for you and your unborn baby.

please take care x

Namerequired · 08/12/2024 21:13

I hope you are ok op and your husband has gone. Stay strong

Loloj · 08/12/2024 21:13

Just wanted to add a message of support OP. Lean on friends and family (I’m sure they will be there for you). I’m sorry you’ve got a cheating low-life of a husband. None of this is your fault. You and your children deserve better than this.

Hocuspoc · 08/12/2024 21:14

DowntonNabby · 08/12/2024 20:47

Advocating that she should stick with him and let him continue cheating on her is awful advice. The damage that would do to her mental health! Not to mention the fact the OW has now provided evidence of the affair. She can hardly ignore that.

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He wouldn't know though she is letting him cheat, would he? He'd think he is still in the clear.
Yes, I agree this may be mentally draining for most, but really - if the guy betrayed her, he doesn't deserve her love and dedication, does he?
I don't think you understood what I meant - she should observe him from now on as free house help until she is feeling more in control with her life.
That is - if he was great help so far. That's all.
I am not advocating her sleeping with him (she can always get out of it blaming pregnancy and birth for long enough), I am not advocating her hoping he will change.
All I am saying:

Take his support as one would from an elderly neighbour women with too much time on her hands.
Do not free him up for this cheap woman. Stay just long enough for her to eat herself up.
You should not be the one suffering and eating yourself up - you are about to experience a wonderful event that you should cherish for a loooong long time - the birth of your child. This woman is an absolute snake for deciding to ruin this time for you. And don't be delusional thinking she didn't know you were pregnant all along.

TheForestCalls · 08/12/2024 21:17

Hocuspoc · 08/12/2024 21:14

He wouldn't know though she is letting him cheat, would he? He'd think he is still in the clear.
Yes, I agree this may be mentally draining for most, but really - if the guy betrayed her, he doesn't deserve her love and dedication, does he?
I don't think you understood what I meant - she should observe him from now on as free house help until she is feeling more in control with her life.
That is - if he was great help so far. That's all.
I am not advocating her sleeping with him (she can always get out of it blaming pregnancy and birth for long enough), I am not advocating her hoping he will change.
All I am saying:

Take his support as one would from an elderly neighbour women with too much time on her hands.
Do not free him up for this cheap woman. Stay just long enough for her to eat herself up.
You should not be the one suffering and eating yourself up - you are about to experience a wonderful event that you should cherish for a loooong long time - the birth of your child. This woman is an absolute snake for deciding to ruin this time for you. And don't be delusional thinking she didn't know you were pregnant all along.

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The woman isn't the snake ruining the time for her. That's her husband.

The timing stinks but when was a good time? This is all on her husband.

DiduAye · 08/12/2024 21:18

I'm so sorry this is happening to you I've been there although not pregnant Firstly you and your baby are the priority Speak to your midwife and get Sti testing It won't be the first time the midwife has encountered this You need to decide for yourself whether to LTB or not but I didn't and wish I had long before I finally threw him out

DowntonNabby · 08/12/2024 21:19

Hocuspoc · 08/12/2024 21:14

He wouldn't know though she is letting him cheat, would he? He'd think he is still in the clear.
Yes, I agree this may be mentally draining for most, but really - if the guy betrayed her, he doesn't deserve her love and dedication, does he?
I don't think you understood what I meant - she should observe him from now on as free house help until she is feeling more in control with her life.
That is - if he was great help so far. That's all.
I am not advocating her sleeping with him (she can always get out of it blaming pregnancy and birth for long enough), I am not advocating her hoping he will change.
All I am saying:

Take his support as one would from an elderly neighbour women with too much time on her hands.
Do not free him up for this cheap woman. Stay just long enough for her to eat herself up.
You should not be the one suffering and eating yourself up - you are about to experience a wonderful event that you should cherish for a loooong long time - the birth of your child. This woman is an absolute snake for deciding to ruin this time for you. And don't be delusional thinking she didn't know you were pregnant all along.

Show quote history

Nope, nope, nope. I still think this is terrible advice. This is OP's LIFE, not some naff reality TV show where she should play the long game to teach him and the OW a lesson.

FridayFeelingmidweek · 08/12/2024 21:21

If he's like my exH, he'll deny it adamantly, then over time admit it while gasligting and making himself the victim.

Personally, I would want details from the other women to get times, facts etc so you have a clear story. He will deny it I think otherwise and probs maje the other woman sound crazy.

I am so sorry you're going through this while pregnant. Thinking of you.

From my experience, if it is 100% true, leave him. He won't change.

IdrisElbow · 08/12/2024 21:21

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

nunsflipflop · 08/12/2024 21:24

So sorry that he has thrown a grenade into your life. Just reaching out with a hand hold xx

Vgbeat · 08/12/2024 21:24

Oh I hope you're OK.

Onthesideofthespiders · 08/12/2024 21:25

As someone who went through this, you’re doing the right thing. Keep the turning to your loved ones, like your brother, to help you when you’re feeling weak over your decision. It just hurts for longer if you go back and forth. Better to get through the hurt now.

Hocuspoc · 08/12/2024 21:27

TheForestCalls · 08/12/2024 21:17

The woman isn't the snake ruining the time for her. That's her husband.

The timing stinks but when was a good time? This is all on her husband.

Show quote history

Agreed - this is absolutely his fault! That is a given.
I was emphasizing the role of the woman though because she is hoping the OP dumps him now. Today. Asap.
I just hate when scum is winning.
So I am saying - wait - and then dump him.
Timing is irrelevant in the long run. And this is the absolute worst timing for the OP. Why not dump him on her own terms (timing wise). And not when it works for the other woman. The snake put things in motion by sending this message, she carefully thought this through, made a plan that works for HER, and 35 pages on MN are rooting that OP does exactly what the other woman is counting on and is expecting to happen today.
Don't do it today, don't do it this week. Just think of when it is suitable for you.
Mind that I am suggesting this as the OP said her life was perfect till yesterday. So if this guy contributed to that - she should use what she can untill she is out of the woods with the baby and all...
Just play a little - that's all.

TheForestCalls · 08/12/2024 21:31

Hocuspoc · 08/12/2024 21:27

Agreed - this is absolutely his fault! That is a given.
I was emphasizing the role of the woman though because she is hoping the OP dumps him now. Today. Asap.
I just hate when scum is winning.
So I am saying - wait - and then dump him.
Timing is irrelevant in the long run. And this is the absolute worst timing for the OP. Why not dump him on her own terms (timing wise). And not when it works for the other woman. The snake put things in motion by sending this message, she carefully thought this through, made a plan that works for HER, and 35 pages on MN are rooting that OP does exactly what the other woman is counting on and is expecting to happen today.
Don't do it today, don't do it this week. Just think of when it is suitable for you.
Mind that I am suggesting this as the OP said her life was perfect till yesterday. So if this guy contributed to that - she should use what she can untill she is out of the woods with the baby and all...
Just play a little - that's all.

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OP needs to do what she needs, regardless of what the two guilty parties want. I'd rather find out when I still have a bit of time to make other arrangements, rather than have him at the birth and then deal with it all with a newborn. Maybe OP would rather wait? That's up to her.

I hope all is as well as it can be OP. I'm glad you have support around you.

RockOrAHardplace · 08/12/2024 21:31

No advise to give, just big hugs and a supportive shoulder if you need it.

The women concerned has done this on purpose. He has strung her along and she has found out his lies and she wants him to have no options. Its doubly indecent as you are pregnant and she clearly knows that.

Who knows if he ever intended to leave you, I think he wanted his cake and to eat it. For me, no matter how much I love and yearn for someone, once the trust has gone, its over.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Stand firm, you have nothing to be ashamed of, hold your head high and know that he is not worthy of you.

wildhay · 08/12/2024 21:32

Hope you are ok OP

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/12/2024 21:32

Totally get why op wants to deal with it now

Rather then lying and playing happy families giving birth or the weeks after with a newborn

Cheeseismyfavourite · 08/12/2024 21:33

Hope you are ok OP I was exactly where you were a decade ago just before Christmas.

I just want you to know that you will be ok, this seems like it’s the end of the world right now and things haven’t worked out the way you planned but things will get better for you you can’t see it now but you will one day.

and you don't have to have him at the birth or the hospital.

StormingNorman · 08/12/2024 21:34

Can we please keep the thread clear for OP to return to if she wishes. It is very close to being full.

HebburnPokemon · 08/12/2024 21:38

What happened tonight OP? I hope you are okay. Worried about you.

StarDolphins · 08/12/2024 21:42

Mark my words op, he will be far worse off in the future. Doesn’t feel like it now but you will be perfectly fine. He won’t. It’s ALL his fault & living with what he’s done will be absolutely destroying. All his own doing though so spare no sympathy. He had a choice. He continually made that choice over a long period.

You dodged a bullet. He’s not a good guy.

MyBrasTooTight · 08/12/2024 21:43

I couldn’t just read and run, truly sorry to have read this, what an awful position for you to be put in. You sound like you know your mind and what you want and that you’re dealing with it in the best way possible - it’s great you’ll have support from family and space from little one so you can not worry about hiding your emotions, it’s a lot to process. All the best.

oneeggisunoeuf · 08/12/2024 21:43

Take care of yourself and the baby. He really is a piece of work.