DH taking illegal steroids AIBU to be pissed??

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Found some illegal steroids that are banned due to causing liver failure and some other pills that are prescription only for increasing testosterone that can contribute to heart attacks that I know for sure he didn’t get via a prescription in his bag when I was just looking to see if he picked up a shampoo I asked him to for me. For context we both work in fitness, I’m aware and have been unhappy about him taking steroids before but we hashed it out at the time and that was that. He did his cycle and end of. His image is so important to him I’m convinced he’s now got body diamorphia. Hes a gorgeous man, fitter than most but sees himself as fat because he isn’t as defined as he used to be (he’s 38 now).

But the main reason I’m fuming is his dad literally died 5 weeks ago due to lung cancer. His mum died when he was a kid also to cancer. He’s a cancer risk and going to get whatever tests he can when he can to catch any early signs in himself. We’re big on eating clean whole foods, minimal crap, trying to do the best for our two DDs and he’s taking these? Like he doesn’t give a sh!t about his health and would rather look good. I am fuming. But am I over reacting? I don’t think he needs to take anything with a risk that isn’t absolutely necessary like medication for genuine disease. I haven’t said anything yet, need some perspective here. WWYD?

Is he aware that continued use of them will shrink his genitalia, increase male pattern balding and make him spotty, as well as all the associated cardiac and liver related concerns? If he’s concerned about his image, that might persuade him to stop.

I think he is but doesn’t care! Also to add he’s been an emotional mess since his dad died with lots of angry outbursts and I know for a fact increased testosterone can add to this. I’m so angry

You both work in fitness? Employed or self employed? I'd be insisting that he stops the abuse of illegal drugs and accesses professional support if necessary.

He isn't as defined as he used to be probably because he is carrying a little extra fat. Steroids are not going to help with that. There are plenty of natty bodybuilders in their 40s who look very cut for their comp. Not so much off season which is absolutely normal. The list of enhanced athletes who are dead in the ground is pretty long, on the other hand. I am sure Mountain Dog looked exquisite in a coffin.
I would be pissed off too but you can't reason with someone who has body dysmorphia.

Roid Rage is a very, very real thing and men becooviolent due to steroids happens.

It would be a deal breaker for me. This isn't something you can waffle over.

It’s a hard line for me personally, my husband has always been a gym guy and never touched steroids although my BIL has and some of our friends I know have. If he had tried them years ago pre-marriage, house, kids etc, I wouldn’t have been happy but I would have probably tried to talk it through, but now we have a family it would be an absolute no from me and he wouldn’t anyway, no appearance is worth leaving your kids without a dad

Imagine you’d found a bag of heroin and react in the same way. Insist he seeks help.

Okay good to know I’m not over reacting. How would you guys approach this? I know I need to wait until after the girls bedtimes because it’ll probably get heated but I don’t know where to start without literally biting his head off. And I’m normally quite a calm person who’s good at dealing with conflict

Doesn't really matter where you start, you can't sugar-coat it.
Starting with "I found illegal steroids in a bag" is as good a place as any.

They can also cause the formation of cataracts. XH had to take them in high doses to stop retinal bleeding and developed cataracts as a result.

They're really bad for you and cause rage. Just say that you know he's using steroids and you'd like him to stop.

The damage to his heart alone and for what vanity ? Crazy ! They also fly into rages I've seen it first hand it's scary . He really needs to stop using before it's too late he will drop dead if a heart attack someday with prolonged use you need to sit him down and maybe show him real life stories or something to try get through to him

Okay thank you all this is very helpful. Ranting it out here has also helped me form some decent sentences in my head that make sense and don’t feel like just my head blowing up out my mouth. Thats interesting about the cataracts! Hes had them in both eyes quite young and no one really knows why!

You will have heard of roid rage,be careful when you're around him.
He's an idiot taking that crap.

Yes a huge idiot. I’ve talked to him and got so mad I was shaking but he just agreed with me, admitted he’s not in the best place and threw them away. Need to address the route of all this though and he needs to speak to someone

Despite the long term damage which obviously is very serious....... I used to run a clinic a couple hours a day as part of my job in community and the amount of young men coming in requiring huge holes in there bodies to be packed and dressing change on a daily basis, usually their behinds, because they had to have an abcess removed from injecting these vile roofs was incredible! So so sad x

yeah - be careful OP - ex went onto steroids, and his character completely changed, he started sleeping with men (while we were together - once we split he went back to a woman - I'd guess because men won't keep house for him), and he just went very cold towards me and the kids.

The couple of times I had sex with him during this change were genuinely scary - he was extra rough, and had difficulty finishing - it was extremely unpleasant.

Sounds mad. But no word of a lie

Wow. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’ve been with him during one cycle that I’m aware of and he wasn’t that bad, but life was simpler. It was pre kids and his dad hadn’t just died. He’s snapped and shouted a lot recently and not just at me. It’s so reckless of him. I want him to get more help, but like a typical man he says he’ll be fine and doesn’t want to go that far

It was a shock at the time!

I spent a good couple of years wishing him gynecomastia on one side :)

Can't even be bothered to do that now - the steroids and weightloss put 10 years on him physically, and to my great amusement, the belly is coming back now anyway. Karma has come to bite him.