Furious with DD's swimwear

[FFSTeenagers]

Someone talk me down please!

On holiday with elderly parents and elderly in-laws - wonderful people. 15 yr old DD has emerged from her room to go to the pool in 5he smallest of bikinis. I can almost see her vagina.

I feel fucking ancient saying this. I hate myself for even feeling like this but she has zero modesty.

I bought her 3 bikinis (together - we went together) from Roxy and Next - lovely ones. Not one has arrived and instead she has bought, without my knowledge, 4 from shein that are not for her curvy build. Barely any material and I'm really embarrassed.

Confronting her has gone downhill rapidly and she's claiming that I'm hardly a feminist as 'she should be able to wear what she likes as it's her body'. She's not bloody wrong but what the hell happened to my daughter's modesty.

My parents and in-laws are sensing the atmosphere already and we only arrived an hour ago.

AIBU?

I would ask her to wear something less revealing around elderly grandparents 😬. I would also be a bit annoyed that you went shopping for swimwear and she hasn’t brought it with her for the family holiday. Another part of me thinks….as long as she’s not flashing her private parts then it’s not really an issue. It seems a lot of young girls are wearing similar, when I see kids coming out of school in their tiny skirts I wonder how they can pick something up off the floor without flashing their knickers, but then maybe I’m just old. When I was a teen short skirts and things were often worn and I probably flashed my ass cheeks a few times.

Maybe reach a compromise without making a huge deal out of it.

A lot of men do walk around in tiny Speedos with everything showing on holiday. Big fat old Germans quite frequently 🙄

Exactly. Short term gain for long term gain.

I think posters telling op to be happy her dd is body positive because their dcs are not confident about theirs are missing the point. It’s like me telling posters they should be pushing their kids to eat anything and everything even though it isn’t healthy for them when it would be for my mentally ill, anorexic dd.

I absolutely agree. I cannot believe the posts here saying at 15 she should be able to wear what she likes.

A bikini like that is utterly inappropriate for a child. And yes she is a child. I would take away from her and let her sulk all she wanted. She would not be wearing that whilst she is a child.

That graduation thing is bizarre. I graduated a long while ago and I bought a suit for graduation and it never occurred to me to wear anything else. I can't believe women were in clubbing outfits.

This.

Furthermore, you can also question where this "choice" or "want" comes from. Teenagers aren't blind. They see social media influencers being successful and getting heaps of praise for wearing stuff like these bikini's. It's a well known fact that for female social media influencers it's practically a requirement to have foto's like these in their galleries, or they would not have half the followers that they do.

The same it true for female pop-artists. Take a look at Lady Gaga's early career and that of Jewel. Their success was literally inverse to the amount of clothing they wore and the more they showed themselves as sexualized the bigger their audience grew/.

Is it really a choice for teenage girls (and women) if they know this is the only door to fame? Many teenagers would like to be famous, successful and admired and just as many know what it takes. Even if they are not yet conscious of these dynamics.

I have three and I'm in my late 40s. My 18 year old probably has about ten.

I think you’re beyond help. I’ll remind you that I am not the one wearing the bikini, I do not owe you “proof” of anything; not least that porn isn’t harmful to society which in some cases it definitely is (obviously). Suggest you don’t attempt to go to any European beaches this summer; I don’t think you’ll cope with all the harm coming your way in the form of other people’s swimwear.

A lot of men do walk around in tiny Speedos with everything showing on holiday. Big fat old Germans quite frequently 🙄

Well based on this thread. Those men are
just confident feminists and if you notice what they're wearing, you're a pervert.

Pipe down.

If everyone else has the ability to 'look away' and it's nobody's business but mine then I'd be allowed to walk around with a white hood and robe. There's a good reason why I can't/

It simply baffles me that people can walk around representing the absolute debasement of society and people try to justify this by claiming it's everyone else''s problem.

The world has gone mad. Its not ok to have arses on show for gods sake. I mean G strings etc. Its becoming normalised but man have some shame. SOME modesty. With grandparents a normal bikini would have been fine. No one needs to see lips down there!!

It's nothing to do with fame and everything to do with fitting in, same as it was for us at their age.

The other thing that has got lost in thread is the girl is a swimmer and usually lives in pool. They are there 3 weeks. The bikini chosen is a posing not a swimming one. They aren’t made to go in water and stay put as you swim. It’s such a shame if she ends up sitting around not going in water because of her clothes choices.
Shes 15 it’s for mum to guide her.
In same way if she comes down for sightseeing in unsuitable shoes you say change them you need to be able to walk on uneven paths at the castle etc.

They are certainly confident to do as they please, yes.

Solidarity to all mums of teen girls navigating this in our porn soaked society. It’s not easy. The culture is not of our making yet we are left at the sharp end picking up the pieces. Walking a difficult line of wanting to protect and do right by our daughters and parent them properly whilst not stifling them or trashing their self confidence and ruining relationship with them. It’s not fucking easy yet it is easy to judge if you’ve never had to do it.

Fame, perhaps not, but admiration definetly.

And I do not think the majority of teens would want to wear a bikini like that. That's not fitting in, that's standing out, which some teens prefer

There are lots of assumptions.
But I really can't imagine a 15 yo wanting to holiday with 4 Grandparents and Mum (and presumably Dad)

The big family group holiday was probably great when she was younger and wanted someone to play with her all the time. 6 adults could all take turns.

She's possibly outgrown that need for constant attention and wants to find other young people to hang out with.

I think there are possibly deeper emotions than trying to shock 😲 the oldies with bikinis

Try being a teenage girl who turns up to school with short hair - you're a "lesbian" or "trans" according to the labels. To fit in, you have to have long, straightened hair for starters. Then it's the micro skirts, shorts and crop tops or boob tubes, then these bikinis.

@Uppity7 'I would also be tempted to take lots of holiday snaps including her in her dental floss bikinis in awkward positions. Really lean into it. Everything's fine, lovely holiday snaps! Then I would put together an album of large prints including the most unflattering shots of her, and leave it lying around. But then I have a bitchy side.'

Actually a really sound advice - love it!

This times a hundred. My sister has a daughter with really tricky boundary issues - any slight word of advice or guidance is taken as screaming criticism. My niece is the light of our family but it's not helping her by allowing her to publicly overstep normal conventions. And my sister can't win, either face hysteria from her daughter or tutting from other parents or worst and most painful of all, overhearing strangers laugh or take the piss out of her daughter. Porn culture and social media have done this. Parents are fucked.

Why not? It’s not wildly excessive.

Come on now. That’s utterly ridiculous.

She’s still a minor, you’re still responsible for safeguarding her. I can’t remember if you said which country you’re in.

I know it’s easy to think oh-I’ve turned-into-a-pearl-clutching-fuddy-duddy, but actually the goalposts have moved a lot!

The reason I’m against skimpy bikinis has nothing to do with modesty and more to do with thinking girls should remain active and sporty, not limiting themselves to moving gingerly to avoid a wardrobe malfunction.

Isn't it? We've had a few girls like this, because they feel as if they don't conform to current standards of feminity. It's tough. Both for girls who want to fit in, and those who don't. I've found the latter seem to find a tribe, though.

I have naturally curly hair. When I was at secondary school in the late 90s it was fashion to fill your hair with mousse so you had horrid rock hard curls.

I liked my hair as it was and every single girl in my class when I started a new school said to me and kept saying it "you should put mousse in your hair." I ignored them then finally asked why and they said so it will look like that - pointing at some random girls awful mousse covered hair. They asked me- don't you want it to look like her - I said that I didn't and I liked my hair as it was.

I eventually told one of them to fuck off - literally said fuck off to her. Especially when she said they'd all laughed at me when they first saw me and we're trying to help me out.

Peer pressure has always existed. God awful fashion has always existed. You don't have to follow it. Now the fashion is to flash your arse out of the back of your school skirt and shorts that do the same.

But the people who point out its immodest have the problem and those wearing it don't care what anyone think and they are cool and have body confidence.

Actually it's the girls like me (who didnt conform to the trends) who actually didn't care what anyone thought and had a hell of a lot of confidence to not do or care about what everyone else did. Try teaching your daughters they don't have to be a sheep or a lemming.

Would pay good money to see you enforcing “active and sporty” behaviour to your average 15 year old girl on holiday?! How would you make them ?! Shouting and a whistle?! Clipboard? Keen to hear how this would work in practice.