Furious with DD's swimwear

[FFSTeenagers]

Someone talk me down please!

On holiday with elderly parents and elderly in-laws - wonderful people. 15 yr old DD has emerged from her room to go to the pool in 5he smallest of bikinis. I can almost see her vagina.

I feel fucking ancient saying this. I hate myself for even feeling like this but she has zero modesty.

I bought her 3 bikinis (together - we went together) from Roxy and Next - lovely ones. Not one has arrived and instead she has bought, without my knowledge, 4 from shein that are not for her curvy build. Barely any material and I'm really embarrassed.

Confronting her has gone downhill rapidly and she's claiming that I'm hardly a feminist as 'she should be able to wear what she likes as it's her body'. She's not bloody wrong but what the hell happened to my daughter's modesty.

My parents and in-laws are sensing the atmosphere already and we only arrived an hour ago.

AIBU?

Excellent points, @HowIrresponsible . It has always been hard not to conform, but it seems even harder nowadays.

OP my 15 year old and her friends ( London based and very into fashion) are wearing this sort of thing. Some of them have ties at the side, but there is still proper coverage.
You are definitely NOT being unreasonable.

@HowIrresponsible

Peer pressure has always existed. God awful fashion has always existed. You don't have to follow it. Now the fashion is to flash your arse out of the back of your school skirt and shorts that do the same.

But the people who point out its immodest have the problem and those wearing it don't care what anyone think and its confidence.

This isn't the 90s.

China has given us tiktok and shein. A platform used by children to exhibit themselves in skimpy clothing to the world, and a clothing line that's pushing the boundaries further and further.

It's obvious this is a cold war targeting our children to debase our society. People are getting angrier and the MH issues are rising rapidly.

No, it's not the people who point this out that have the problem. It's the children that are being exploited that have the problem.

Well for me, its clothes that aren't influenced by misogynistic nightmares such as porn culture and ultra conservative religion.

Modesty aside, you might want to get her to check the descriptions of the bikinis she has bought as a lot of a utter shite on Shein say 'poolside use only, not water resistant' meaning, they can go see through if actually worn in the water. They're literally made for 'modelling'.

But that's a weak argument to say social media made me do it.

Every morning I notice many many girls in appropriate length school skirts and appropriate clothing at weekends or holidays.

They are the ones who stand out in the crowd because they don't do what everyone else does.

So not every girl is taken in by it are they...

It is the same principle and it doesn't matter if its the 90s or now.

I rolled up my school skirt in the late 1980s/1990s. It wasn't social media then.

Well exactly. Social media didn't exist until recently and yet most school girls did something like that.

If you are still reading Op hope you and daughter are ok and things have resolved. The thread will close soon as it’s nearly full.
Been surprised to see how many wouldn’t have a problem with it on a 15 yr old child.
Mine is only 18 so it’s not dim and distant past I’m coming from and I’m generally seen as more permissive than lots of mums/have a good relationship with DD and her friends.
But that style of bikini is an absolute no for me.

What absolute rubbish!

When I see young men and women on the beach, it’s the young men who are confident, in their baggy long shirts. They are getting on with enjoying themselves, laughing and messing about with their mates, that physical larking about they do. The young women look self-conscious and awkward, constantly checking and adjusting their tiny outfits, not looking quite sure how to hold themselves and their arms. Those ridiculous outfits have not freed them of body self consciousness but made them ultra self-conscious. The men aren’t self conscious. They are comfortable and confident and just getting on with having a good time.

I'm just waiting for someone to say that Elvis outraged parents all over the world by moving his hips suggestively for a full bingo card.

Totally agree with this. I didn't follow trends in the 00s, still don't now. Always just wore what I liked, regardless of what everyone else was doing. My sister always wanted to (wasn't allowed a lot of the time).

I am bringing my DD up to think for herself. She will obviously have all the SM firing what's "trendy" at her. And if that's what she likes we will discuss if not appropriate always etc. But the influences from her family circle will always be "do what makes you happy not what's 'cool'."

A weak argument is one in which an entire body of academic research in fields from psychology to medicine has shown that social media has rewired peoples brains?

What do you classify as a strong argument then? Your memories of the 90s?

I have been on MN a number of years. This thread appears to contain the only posts from this user. It seems strange that someone would go on holiday, open an MN account and discuss the brevity of a 15 year old’s bikini.

Perhaps young women should dress like a default male then and just wear baggy shorts only. I'm sure it won't be sexualised at all to show their top half.

Telling a child she shouldn’t wear a scrap of material just about covering her bits is hardly very strict, conservative parenting 🙄

Also one of the biggest fashion icons of all time Gabrielle Chanel, her ethos was comfort and mobility in styles that were also fashionable and socially acceptable. Her aim was for women to be comfortable and mobile in their clothes.

I once saw a school girl nervously walking down station steps hanging onto her skirt for grim death as the slightest movement would have exposed her pants front or back. I remember thinking whats the point of this fashion statement if you're not comfortable and can't carry it off?

These girls / women aren't confident. Quite the contrary.

Name change?

It's a difficult one. I absolutely wouldn't go down the 'you're a child and you wear what I say' route, because no 15-year-old would respond well to that - even if it's what you think, it's not worth ruining a holiday over. I'd probably try having a mature chat about appropriate clothing for the circumstances - not saying there's anything wrong with the bikinis but that a family holiday with grandparents isn't the time for them, and try to get her to go shopping for something with more coverage. Frame it as being for their comfort and the mature, considerate response. Don't mention her body shape or size.

I do feel sorry for today's teenagers. My mother used to sunbathe topless sometimes, and I remember her being concerned that I was on the beach on holiday in flowing maxi skirts and long-sleeved blouses. I'd quote feminist theory about not being objectified to her. Most teenagers want to differentiate themselves from their parents somehow.

I’ve been on mumsnet for years, probably 18 years and change my username every few weeks. 🤷

The ‘they can wear what they want, 15 year olds are uncontrollable’ brigade won’t listen to people who actually have 15 year olds.

I’m also bemused by the whole comparing to other fashions. A short skirt with a crop top is hardly comparable to that Shein (or shite as I call it) abomination.

Quite. My girl is at uni being clever and assertive. She likes dressing up and looking good. Doesn’t have to be almost naked to achieve it though.

Be quiet.

I am very comfortable in my own skin. I don't care at all what people think about how I look, other than my DH (and to an extent my DD).

However, I am usually pretty covered up because that's how I feel physically comfortable. I don't need to be half naked to be confident in myself.

if you want to go down that argument, the female equivalent would be to wear what’s comfortable and practical, and get on with just enjoying yourself 🤷‍♀️

Surely confident people wear what they like, which could be revealing or not.